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Annual Fourth Of July History Lesson
3 years ago
General
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Some little known history:
In 1873, a team of German explorers and their three dogs decided to penetrate the heart of the South American jungle.
After twelve years, they had set up a fort in an Incan town, the centerpiece of which was a large idol with a huge ruby for an eye.
The German church had sent out their best man, Friar Wilhelm Werks, three times to check on the progress of the fort, and each time the appearance of the idol had sent him into fits of screaming, complete with shouts, curses, and rending of garments.
Each time, he screamed so loudly that he sent the dogs running for cover.
And each time, he left with a warning that the next time he visited, the idol had better be torn down.
The commander of the fort, Hans Brickner, received a message that Friar Werks would be coming to visit again in a fortnight. He quickly called a meeting with his top commanders. All five agreed that the friar would explode when he saw the idol still standing.
"But," said Commander Brickner, "there's nothing to be done. If we take down the idol, we will anger the local tribe, and without their cooperation, we're dead."
His second-in-command, Herr Kommandant Wagner, said, "In that case, we'd better make sure we put the dogs in the storage building."
"Why?"
"You know how scared the dogs get when Friar Werks goes off on the Fort of Jewel Eye."
😈😈😈😈😈
In 1873, a team of German explorers and their three dogs decided to penetrate the heart of the South American jungle.
After twelve years, they had set up a fort in an Incan town, the centerpiece of which was a large idol with a huge ruby for an eye.
The German church had sent out their best man, Friar Wilhelm Werks, three times to check on the progress of the fort, and each time the appearance of the idol had sent him into fits of screaming, complete with shouts, curses, and rending of garments.
Each time, he screamed so loudly that he sent the dogs running for cover.
And each time, he left with a warning that the next time he visited, the idol had better be torn down.
The commander of the fort, Hans Brickner, received a message that Friar Werks would be coming to visit again in a fortnight. He quickly called a meeting with his top commanders. All five agreed that the friar would explode when he saw the idol still standing.
"But," said Commander Brickner, "there's nothing to be done. If we take down the idol, we will anger the local tribe, and without their cooperation, we're dead."
His second-in-command, Herr Kommandant Wagner, said, "In that case, we'd better make sure we put the dogs in the storage building."
"Why?"
"You know how scared the dogs get when Friar Werks goes off on the Fort of Jewel Eye."
😈😈😈😈😈
I can’t believe I read that.
Hat.
Here's your pot to pith in.
O Blinding Light
O Light that blinds
I cannot see
Look out for me!
"Daa-aaad."
"You. Out."
"You should sit a few moments and think about what you've done . . . Thank you, I do enjoy awful wordplay, and admire a storyteller that goes a long way for the pun."
So, take this:
At one point during the filming of White Christmas, Bing Crosby had had too long of a lunch, and a couple too many martinis with other cast members. He came back to the studio, and feeling frisky, disrobed and came out onto the set completely starkers, save for a towel. As the scene was about to start he dropped the towel, but an alert lighting tech cut the lights just in time. They called it The Unlightable Bareness Of Bing.
*Passes you my chapeau*
Your chapeau, m'sieu.
*Wipes a bit of banana from his nose*
My dad brought that one back from work one night. That was in his (Dubious) honor. He died 26 years ago today.
My last phone call to him ended, "Bye, Pop. I love you."
I'm eternally grateful we parted on good terms. :)
I was there when my dad died. Our last conversation was... Sorta sad. Perhaps I'll tell you the story one day. My relationship with both of my folks was complicated, as many are. I think about them a lot, though.
It took me two readings to get it.