normally I'd put it in a journal like here, but I don't think I'm comfortable sharing what happened in my personal life that caused me to isolate these last two weeks. Nothing dangerous, or troublesome, or even mildly serious like my moving a few weeks ago. In fact, it was pretty stupid, and part of why I feel so bad is because I feel particularly stupid for it.

Regardless, it was enough for me to experience my first depressive episode of 2023. Going 7+ months without one is a record since I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at age 17, but obviously it felt terrible, and that time made me less equipped to recognize and deal with it once it finally happened. Falling back on the unhealthy coping mechanism of isolating after learning about my AVPD made me feel especially bad. I really need to work on it, and will continue to figure out more on what I can do while working it out as a habit. Old habits die hard.

Hasn't helped I've also not had my prescription ketamine in months, so I'm hoping to get some more. I digress

I'm definitely not going to be able to start an iron man this summer. I'll be uploading again next week though. I have been drawing somewhere from 1-3 hours most days. That said, I'm putting an indefinite pause on taking any new ideas, or making gifts for others. Taking awhile especially because I am currently finishing through some b-day gifts involving technical stuff I normally don't do (flora and a car among other things). I may open commissions finally in August though.

Remember that you cannot help others if you cannot help yourself.