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My mistakes and me moving forward
2 years ago
I'm putting down all my thoughts on various things that are related to what is going on.
It took another friend in the fandom to realize that being here is unhealthy, that why and what I'm doing here is doing myself a disservice.
For now I need to step away and take a real break not just a half heart attempt to upload at a slightly less speed.
I always craved the attention, the amount of views on an image and the amount of comments gotten.
Back when I first started I got exactly that and pushed for that high ever since Blu Barbftr, chicken stuffing game, and the beta mech animation.
The last real big hit was the skeksi bee comic, which to BEE fair was the best way an entire species can get stashed away as predator property.
Anyway not to get off track, this constant need to see comments and favorites has ended poorly, me desperately trying a free ych to stir up any comments.
Work that I realized is not something to look forward to but rather feel as a dumb chore I put on myself just for that quick hit of comments.
The main drive of the effort to show any effort done so far was just out of the aligned interest to get a sexy back view of my favorite ratty girlfriend.
Sadly for me to animate vore in that view I realized is beyond my scope of skills and wouldn't really work. At least the way I done it would of felt tacky at best.
Which to be fair is why I thought ahead during my ych planning to at least do the mini comic strips regardless if I could animate it or not.
However again this was just extra work put on myself over a few comments and favorites being the main goal.
I put myself in a corner now with no payoff for it, barely any engagement and now have to commit to all that work.
Which would of back fired way worse had I got 100+ comments for requests, it was a lose, lose situation.
Either barely any engagement with work to do, or a lot of engagement with a ton of work to do, I lose either way by doing the ych.
That the animated gif and story was the real end goal of it and the payoff for what I wanted with the effort I put in.
Sorry to disappoint all those who put in a request, I have failed you and myself in a reckless drive for engagement.
I should of realized that after flash was killed off and how much FA has changed that things were not going back to the golden days.
Any posts related to flash content now is just basically an image advertisement to a link of a download.
Which means most just click on the image and then click away with the link and that's the end of it.
Very few will leave a comment or favorite the image, it really kills the drive to do anything nowadays.
Now that I say this out loud I just remember my last attempt for attention with the "RAT GAME 2: The Magic Trick".
Which was a big hit but also a lot of work, at some point it felt like it could be endless but I didn't want to work that much.
Even still, that comic series didn't even scratch that itch because it only got half the views compared to lets say my Blight - Plague Dragon REF or Blu Meets an Egg Disposal Bot (WIP)
I realize now how niche my content is and how cornered off my content has become and that I'm never hitting over 10k views again, that time has came and gone.
Honestly this is why most projects I have made never got unfinished... (I lost the drive or will to put effort in and already gotten the high my brain craved)
I got the "high" from the sudden rush of views and comments on them then I didn't have the drive to finish it, it was all extra work for no pay off at that point.
Fuck, it took me this long to realize why I just suddenly stop working on something...
The other destressing thing is I do want to work on my vore rpg, it would be my passion project, the final big blow out for any of my flash content.
I could care less about the views and comments for it as that is something more of what I'd like to play and see for a rpg vore game.
Almost a self rp platform with dynamic character interaction. A really special game and passion project I would love to see completed.
With deep interaction of predator and prey, making team combos that work well together or a group of misfits that ends up eating each other one way or another.
Especially so, if other team members were teased into being eaten and becoming willing prey causing a half team wipe that was self inflicted with poor team management.
Secret vore scenes based on perfect(ly bad) team combo or character actions like skeksi bee and blu.
Causing blu to want to be perma stashed away if teased at wrong time during battle or even a cut scene outside of combat.
Or a teammate swallowing an enemy that had ate someone else, now both would just become their food.
A teammate suggesting another team mate go in to attempt a rescue (and fail joining them as budge on their hips).
So many ways for things to go wrong (or so right) making not only playing the game itself fun attempting to beat it, but also exploring all the secret vore scenes and ways to lose the game (vorey bad endings).
This damned fetish project is always put off and delayed because I keep doing stupid things to get attention I do not deserve.
If only I stop with creating the self burnout and focus on it, then I could possibly earn my views and favorites the right way again and also complete the vore project of my dreams.
Instead of endlessly chasing the "fame", the comments, and attention I once got before.
Going forward, I'm "going dark" and focusing on my game and nothing else. No more excuses, no random work, or reasons to delay my dream vore game any longer.
It's being made in flash as I know how to code it well enough, no need to waste years of time learning something else for a one off fetish project of mine.
If everyone else in the world can't download or view it by the time it's finished, that's no longer a problem for me to be concerned with. I just want it to exist and it will at some point.
The reality is I either make it in flash or I don't make it at all, I can't let the idea of lack of views and comments to stop my real desire to make this game happen.
I will try to post updates or demos when the game has a real play state not just prototyping of menu interfaces and game mechanics.
This will take time, time which I have not given a single moment of since the last image teasing the game. Been to unfocused and distracted with other projects.
TLDR: No more random distractions, no more content made for view and comment baiting, just going to focus on my vore rpg and make it happen.
No more feeding my horrible addiction and craving for attention. Just let everything be center around making my game a reality.
Sorry to all those disappointed with the sudden cut off of fetish content and failing to full fill any promises or other projects.
I need to work on my fetish game. Actually complete something in full and not leave half baked. >_>
It took another friend in the fandom to realize that being here is unhealthy, that why and what I'm doing here is doing myself a disservice.
For now I need to step away and take a real break not just a half heart attempt to upload at a slightly less speed.
I always craved the attention, the amount of views on an image and the amount of comments gotten.
Back when I first started I got exactly that and pushed for that high ever since Blu Barbftr, chicken stuffing game, and the beta mech animation.
The last real big hit was the skeksi bee comic, which to BEE fair was the best way an entire species can get stashed away as predator property.
Anyway not to get off track, this constant need to see comments and favorites has ended poorly, me desperately trying a free ych to stir up any comments.
Work that I realized is not something to look forward to but rather feel as a dumb chore I put on myself just for that quick hit of comments.
The main drive of the effort to show any effort done so far was just out of the aligned interest to get a sexy back view of my favorite ratty girlfriend.
Sadly for me to animate vore in that view I realized is beyond my scope of skills and wouldn't really work. At least the way I done it would of felt tacky at best.
Which to be fair is why I thought ahead during my ych planning to at least do the mini comic strips regardless if I could animate it or not.
However again this was just extra work put on myself over a few comments and favorites being the main goal.
I put myself in a corner now with no payoff for it, barely any engagement and now have to commit to all that work.
Which would of back fired way worse had I got 100+ comments for requests, it was a lose, lose situation.
Either barely any engagement with work to do, or a lot of engagement with a ton of work to do, I lose either way by doing the ych.
That the animated gif and story was the real end goal of it and the payoff for what I wanted with the effort I put in.
Sorry to disappoint all those who put in a request, I have failed you and myself in a reckless drive for engagement.
I should of realized that after flash was killed off and how much FA has changed that things were not going back to the golden days.
Any posts related to flash content now is just basically an image advertisement to a link of a download.
Which means most just click on the image and then click away with the link and that's the end of it.
Very few will leave a comment or favorite the image, it really kills the drive to do anything nowadays.
Now that I say this out loud I just remember my last attempt for attention with the "RAT GAME 2: The Magic Trick".
Which was a big hit but also a lot of work, at some point it felt like it could be endless but I didn't want to work that much.
Even still, that comic series didn't even scratch that itch because it only got half the views compared to lets say my Blight - Plague Dragon REF or Blu Meets an Egg Disposal Bot (WIP)
I realize now how niche my content is and how cornered off my content has become and that I'm never hitting over 10k views again, that time has came and gone.
Honestly this is why most projects I have made never got unfinished... (I lost the drive or will to put effort in and already gotten the high my brain craved)
I got the "high" from the sudden rush of views and comments on them then I didn't have the drive to finish it, it was all extra work for no pay off at that point.
Fuck, it took me this long to realize why I just suddenly stop working on something...
The other destressing thing is I do want to work on my vore rpg, it would be my passion project, the final big blow out for any of my flash content.
I could care less about the views and comments for it as that is something more of what I'd like to play and see for a rpg vore game.
Almost a self rp platform with dynamic character interaction. A really special game and passion project I would love to see completed.
With deep interaction of predator and prey, making team combos that work well together or a group of misfits that ends up eating each other one way or another.
Especially so, if other team members were teased into being eaten and becoming willing prey causing a half team wipe that was self inflicted with poor team management.
Secret vore scenes based on perfect(ly bad) team combo or character actions like skeksi bee and blu.
Causing blu to want to be perma stashed away if teased at wrong time during battle or even a cut scene outside of combat.
Or a teammate swallowing an enemy that had ate someone else, now both would just become their food.
A teammate suggesting another team mate go in to attempt a rescue (and fail joining them as budge on their hips).
So many ways for things to go wrong (or so right) making not only playing the game itself fun attempting to beat it, but also exploring all the secret vore scenes and ways to lose the game (vorey bad endings).
This damned fetish project is always put off and delayed because I keep doing stupid things to get attention I do not deserve.
If only I stop with creating the self burnout and focus on it, then I could possibly earn my views and favorites the right way again and also complete the vore project of my dreams.
Instead of endlessly chasing the "fame", the comments, and attention I once got before.
Going forward, I'm "going dark" and focusing on my game and nothing else. No more excuses, no random work, or reasons to delay my dream vore game any longer.
It's being made in flash as I know how to code it well enough, no need to waste years of time learning something else for a one off fetish project of mine.
If everyone else in the world can't download or view it by the time it's finished, that's no longer a problem for me to be concerned with. I just want it to exist and it will at some point.
The reality is I either make it in flash or I don't make it at all, I can't let the idea of lack of views and comments to stop my real desire to make this game happen.
I will try to post updates or demos when the game has a real play state not just prototyping of menu interfaces and game mechanics.
This will take time, time which I have not given a single moment of since the last image teasing the game. Been to unfocused and distracted with other projects.
TLDR: No more random distractions, no more content made for view and comment baiting, just going to focus on my vore rpg and make it happen.
No more feeding my horrible addiction and craving for attention. Just let everything be center around making my game a reality.
Sorry to all those disappointed with the sudden cut off of fetish content and failing to full fill any promises or other projects.
I need to work on my fetish game. Actually complete something in full and not leave half baked. >_>
Do what seems right to you. If it's a passion project, take your time and enjoy the process as it goes.
why become interesed if the thing i find never gets finished
and i doubt iam the only one
if you got that passion for wanting to create something and still want to achieve it, I'm sure you'll get there in due time! don't worry about the YCH or anything, focus on what matters to you and know that you got folks who are more than happy to support you the whole way through!
Besides there isnt any harm doing a side project i think it might be even better aslong its small and simple.
it can be refreshing and keeps one out of the demotivating drag of "must finish this"
Take your time and dont rush
enjoy your project <3
I always have faith in you.