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Art Commissions are Closed Indefinitely
2 years ago
Just a quick PSA since I may be posting a lot of art over the next few months: I have a LOT going on in my personal life right now, family stuff and starting classes soon. A close family member is going to rehab for alcoholism, my mental health has been shaky and I've been extremely overwhelmed just trying to keep up with the everyday tasks of talking to people and getting work done. I can tell I need to make a change or else I'm going to hit a wall. I have such a habit of putting others' happiness before my own, which is a good trait to have in moderation, but I really need to focus on my own happiness
It feels like no matter how many times i try to force myself to be open to drawing for others, It is moreso something I Have to do rather than something i Want to do. I get this overwhelming sense of dread when people ask for art for their birthday/a holiday because of how hard it is for me to draw for others. It's not like i always Hate doing it- I've had a lot of fun doing comms in years before, but I'm at such a point in my life where things are changing so much all the time, and I'm just incredibly overwhelmed by the prospect of having to do commissions again
And heres the other thing- my art style changes so much that i dont think i can be a Commission Artist. people have no idea what theyre getting. every piece i make looks different, which I personally feel is a strength to have as an artist (being able to draw in many styles!), but commissioners dont always want that- they want consistency, and to know that their oc will look good in my style. i often get commissioned for things i worry i may not be able to draw well- i have a very sharp angular monstery style and i want to veer more into horror & bara territory, but i always get commissioned for cutesy pastel characters. which is nothing against people who have those characters, i value all of my customers, its just something that is holding back the direction i want to take my art. i need more practice honing the subjects i Want to draw, which means i need time to make more personal art and do studies. and i have to do what makes me happy even if it disappoints others. i have always had a habit of putting other peoples happiness before my own, which is a good trait to have in moderation, but i cant keep doing something that gives me dread
Fursuit part commissions remain open, but art commissions are closed indefinitely, and I don't know if/when they will reopen. Fursuit part commissions are still fun to me, and they're currently my main source of income. As the years go by, I find myself only enjoying doing art for myself. This is a fact I've known about myself for a long time, but I always talk myself into continuing to do commissions for the extra money it brings in, even though it is hard for me. In a completely ideal world, I would only draw for myself
But I want to do what makes me happy, and what makes me happy is doing personal art & fursuit part commissions. Drawing is a hobby that's very special to me, and I don't know if I ever want to monetize it again. Whether I'll *have* to monetize it is another story. Maybe if I have to do comms again in the future, I may be picky. Have people fill out a google form and only choose prompts that interest me, so as not to have to directly turn anyone down. Because it's the saying no part that's hard for me- I fear disappointing others. It sounds like a good system to me! We will see!
It feels like no matter how many times i try to force myself to be open to drawing for others, It is moreso something I Have to do rather than something i Want to do. I get this overwhelming sense of dread when people ask for art for their birthday/a holiday because of how hard it is for me to draw for others. It's not like i always Hate doing it- I've had a lot of fun doing comms in years before, but I'm at such a point in my life where things are changing so much all the time, and I'm just incredibly overwhelmed by the prospect of having to do commissions again
And heres the other thing- my art style changes so much that i dont think i can be a Commission Artist. people have no idea what theyre getting. every piece i make looks different, which I personally feel is a strength to have as an artist (being able to draw in many styles!), but commissioners dont always want that- they want consistency, and to know that their oc will look good in my style. i often get commissioned for things i worry i may not be able to draw well- i have a very sharp angular monstery style and i want to veer more into horror & bara territory, but i always get commissioned for cutesy pastel characters. which is nothing against people who have those characters, i value all of my customers, its just something that is holding back the direction i want to take my art. i need more practice honing the subjects i Want to draw, which means i need time to make more personal art and do studies. and i have to do what makes me happy even if it disappoints others. i have always had a habit of putting other peoples happiness before my own, which is a good trait to have in moderation, but i cant keep doing something that gives me dread
Fursuit part commissions remain open, but art commissions are closed indefinitely, and I don't know if/when they will reopen. Fursuit part commissions are still fun to me, and they're currently my main source of income. As the years go by, I find myself only enjoying doing art for myself. This is a fact I've known about myself for a long time, but I always talk myself into continuing to do commissions for the extra money it brings in, even though it is hard for me. In a completely ideal world, I would only draw for myself
But I want to do what makes me happy, and what makes me happy is doing personal art & fursuit part commissions. Drawing is a hobby that's very special to me, and I don't know if I ever want to monetize it again. Whether I'll *have* to monetize it is another story. Maybe if I have to do comms again in the future, I may be picky. Have people fill out a google form and only choose prompts that interest me, so as not to have to directly turn anyone down. Because it's the saying no part that's hard for me- I fear disappointing others. It sounds like a good system to me! We will see!
Then I open commissions and do one or two and it wears me out mentally for literally months before I even consider trying again. I also have a really hard time saying no, especially as most of my clients are always friends (often close ones!) But they usually have specific expectations or obviously are looking for a specific style and I basically destroy myself trying to make the product as perfect as possible and adhere to any examples I have as much as I can. It's exhausting.
I keep trying because to be honest, the extra money is super nice, but if I was being real with my pricing and how much money would actually consistently make it worth the anguish and many extra hours I usually spend, well....nobody would be looking to buy anymore, I'll say that much. Genuinely the thing that makes me avoid it a lot is that I don't feel like I can reasonably charge over a hundred dollars in most people's eyes for things that are not necessarily smoothly lined or painted full renders. If people would pay that much for sketchy half bodies though, maybe I could be swayed lol.
Anyway I'm rambling, but I completely understand where you're coming from and I really hope you get to a better spot where you can just do the art you wanna do. I keep wanting to get into doing shirt designs because at least that way I'm still picking the subject matter and styles completely and fully, but I also know that isn't likely to make much. I've also considered opening pay what you want slots that have a minimum and maximum allowed amount, and come with the conditions that I Can Do What I Want as long as the character is recognizable and no boundaries are crossed. Idk how popular that would be or if people would like the end results as much as they'd think, but it's genuinely all I can think of for keeping commissions interesting. It's rough out here!
im glad other people feel the same way tho. especially growing up, the culture where i live is very much "you are worthless if youre not working for others" and that protestant work ethic has been holding me back from happiness for a very long time. but its hard because being self-employed as a commission artist is still WAY preferable to a "normal" retail or food service job that sucks the life out of you. i love being a fursuit maker and i hope to continue doing this for a long time. but no matter how good your job is, living under capitalism under the pressure to work constantly drags you down. i know in my heart that i was put on this planet to do much more than just work
i hope over time, i can raise my prices to have the time and energy to take weekends and additional days off- because as of right now i dont take weekends off, i work for about 5-6 hours a day 7 days a week (because i cant handle 8 hour days due to my adhd) unless i have a particularly bad day and need to take it off for health reason. and i hope we as a society get to a point where every worker can have weekends and shorter work days and be able to relax stress free on the regular
Oh yeah I feel it very much, my household made that kind of sentiment very clear and kicked me into doing whatever shitty work I could find the second I was 18 and not going immediately to college :') And even small periods of time spent without an active job were met with criticisms and griping at me for being able to relax (which in turn made it actually impossible to relax but I guess that was the goal!)
Any sort of customer service role gives me the worst anxiety and depressions spirals. I've come to understand I'm autistic and genuinely the more I understand myself the more impossible it feels to be forced into the public and survive, people are so mean for no reason and hate accommodating the littlest things in work places -_- I've been in and out of minor work for the past couple years, and I'm very fortunate my partner is understanding and kind, but that feeling of 'I am not doing enough I need to do MORE I need to work as best as I can however I can' never goes away (and let's face it, having extra money is just Nice. If I cannot afford my gay little treats for long periods I will Explode.)
I hope you can too!! It's been awesome seeing you improve so fast at making parts, I'm glad if it's been working for you and I hope you can make it work for you even better asap. I'm currently doing a job I picked up with flexible hours and I get it, 8 hour days ruin me so usually I try to do 6 at a time. The fact we as a society have allowed 8+hours a day to become standard and expected is unfathomable to me. I hope we do too and fast, everyone would be doing so much better