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Vent-y Journal Title goes here
2 years ago
Man, I really shouldn't be allowed to make decisions past 9pm when I'm just too tied to think straight. Just put a pin in this while I go on a tangent for a bit.
Why do I keep worrying about characters being canonical? No, really, I keep flip-flopping between forms and stop using certain ones because it wouldn't make sense to have three very similar versions of Cheekers pop up from time to time, but here's the thing. There is no canon, really. Cheekers (as you know him) is just one of those characters I use to do furry stuff with, and he's basically me but as a... round fuzzy rodent. They're practically the same except for a handful of details, and I don't know why I just don't stick to one and either get rid of the others, or just occasionally draw the other designs. I end up changing my mind, a week later (or less) and I end up changing my five or six websites (You know, the Profile image, Banner image on some sites, sometimes changing bits of the text in the profile), not counting the two messengers and occasionally Steam...
In some ways, I need some more restraint, but in other ways I need to loosen up and just stop caring about some of the smaller details and the feeling that I need to keep everything consistent with each other. Especially the fact that I do this for 6 websites and three other programs... I mean, I really doubt the family members that watch my Facebook account really care that the picture I have as my profile image matches the other websites they don't follow me on, and that goes the same for the people on FA (although there is more overlap between them and Tumblr, Telegram, Discord, Steam, Etc.)
I think the reason why I have trouble deciding is that I don't have time to myself to really think. I work all day and don't get any "Me time" until after 9pm, and some days I'm just too tired to really think. My day technically starts at 8:30am and goes until 9:30pm. There's a lot of quiet downtime, but as a Caretaker, I have to be ready to drop everything at a moment's notice, so I've developed a bad habit of not doing anything remotely time-consuming until everyone else goes to bed, and then I just don't have the energy to do new stuff a lot of the time. This lack of energy leads to bad decisions at time... I mean, I have deleted things I regret deleting, and have yet to upload them again... I mean, I've deleted one of my personal Telegram sticker packs just because I think I've gotten rid of that character (just to bring him back a couple of days later) three times now. Yeah, the decision is easily reversible, albeit time-consuming, but I'm just kinda tired of reversing my choices instead of sticking with the consequences (even if they are not very big.)
I'm just really tired of all of this stuff. I don't know what to do at times, and I'm just confused now. I really wish I had more people to casually talk to about Furry Fandom things, since there's nobody that really understands some of my more obscure feelings that don't really apply to anything the "Normies" in my family would understand.
Like, if I change Cheekers too much from his design, what am I supposed to do with my fursuit? I mean, I can just get a different head, paws and tail if I keep him Gray/Darker Gray/White colors, but what if I want to change that? That's a real big sticking point, and while it isn't the only reason, it does factor into my decisions...
Why do I keep worrying about characters being canonical? No, really, I keep flip-flopping between forms and stop using certain ones because it wouldn't make sense to have three very similar versions of Cheekers pop up from time to time, but here's the thing. There is no canon, really. Cheekers (as you know him) is just one of those characters I use to do furry stuff with, and he's basically me but as a... round fuzzy rodent. They're practically the same except for a handful of details, and I don't know why I just don't stick to one and either get rid of the others, or just occasionally draw the other designs. I end up changing my mind, a week later (or less) and I end up changing my five or six websites (You know, the Profile image, Banner image on some sites, sometimes changing bits of the text in the profile), not counting the two messengers and occasionally Steam...
In some ways, I need some more restraint, but in other ways I need to loosen up and just stop caring about some of the smaller details and the feeling that I need to keep everything consistent with each other. Especially the fact that I do this for 6 websites and three other programs... I mean, I really doubt the family members that watch my Facebook account really care that the picture I have as my profile image matches the other websites they don't follow me on, and that goes the same for the people on FA (although there is more overlap between them and Tumblr, Telegram, Discord, Steam, Etc.)
I think the reason why I have trouble deciding is that I don't have time to myself to really think. I work all day and don't get any "Me time" until after 9pm, and some days I'm just too tired to really think. My day technically starts at 8:30am and goes until 9:30pm. There's a lot of quiet downtime, but as a Caretaker, I have to be ready to drop everything at a moment's notice, so I've developed a bad habit of not doing anything remotely time-consuming until everyone else goes to bed, and then I just don't have the energy to do new stuff a lot of the time. This lack of energy leads to bad decisions at time... I mean, I have deleted things I regret deleting, and have yet to upload them again... I mean, I've deleted one of my personal Telegram sticker packs just because I think I've gotten rid of that character (just to bring him back a couple of days later) three times now. Yeah, the decision is easily reversible, albeit time-consuming, but I'm just kinda tired of reversing my choices instead of sticking with the consequences (even if they are not very big.)
I'm just really tired of all of this stuff. I don't know what to do at times, and I'm just confused now. I really wish I had more people to casually talk to about Furry Fandom things, since there's nobody that really understands some of my more obscure feelings that don't really apply to anything the "Normies" in my family would understand.
Like, if I change Cheekers too much from his design, what am I supposed to do with my fursuit? I mean, I can just get a different head, paws and tail if I keep him Gray/Darker Gray/White colors, but what if I want to change that? That's a real big sticking point, and while it isn't the only reason, it does factor into my decisions...
