I feel like i should post more journal updates on how im doing
but it always feels like im looking for sympathy and sometimes peoples kind responses also sting
because it feels like there's a voice in the back of my head thinking "no, you should be furious with me for letting you down"

I'm still caught in a whirlwind of grief like a cheap plastic bag in a tornado
and it kinda feels like its only getting worse now that the shock is wearing off
and a lot of the leftover business is dealt with

I'm trying to get back to a more stable condition as soon as I can
Thank you for the patience.