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Happy (early) Birthday Ashe!!!
2 years ago
Happy birthday Ashe!
As i'm not going to have internet tomarrow/too busy to type this up, we're doing it today!
How was Ashe was created? What would bring to life such a lovely character in our mind, driving us to the extreame lengths of love for them that we'd host a proper birthday event for her? :3
severe amounts of mental and emotinal torture from an abusive, manipulative, gaslighting ex-girlfriend/friend. :D yea, i've been places
1 year ago, i had what i thought was a "falling out" with a friend who i held dear and loved deeply. I noticed a drastic shift in their personality, and knowing who they were, it caused me to be extreamly concerned for their wellbeing, and safty, as we went from daily conversations to short responces, dragged out over a long period of time. the reason for this behavior i would learn after the fact, is that she had aquired a new target, one who wasn't as keen on picking up on her tricks, and exploitations, as i had already brought to light multiple instances of gaslighting, and manipulative tendancies, having to go back into the chat logs to find information i knew was true.
She would set up situations, and let them grow into problems when they could easily be snuffed out with almost no effort. She would let problems brew, and fester, instead of addressing them immidiatly. (not everyone has the forsite to see issues, and stop them, but she had acknowlaged them, and ignored me concerns regarding those issues when i brought them up.) She either wanted to be the victim, or was so helpless, and unwilling to adress matters in her life, that it would boil over and start a fire she's let ruin her, and pout about it.
When she found her new target, she decied to keep me on a baited line, in an attempt to have a "rebound" should her new target fall through. concequently, i'm a decent friend who keeps an eye on my friends, and i notice shifts in behavior, and personality. I kept messaging them, trying to check to see if they were alright. and i got snapped back at vicciously. Being told i was the reason she was depressed, and that i was the problem.
after begging for my friend back, as they kept implying they were going to cut ties with me, and crying cause i didn't want to lose a good friend, they relented, and forced me to go 2 weeks without messaging them at all, or they'd end it.
the week leading up to those two weeks, i was reliving my prior trauma with an old friend. losing a friend i held dearly because i was too concerned for them, feeling like a monster. I went 3 years trudging through life feeling like shit regarding my first friend, only for them to crop back up multiple times, filling me with joy, before the illusion faded again.
1 week of repeating the same events as before, and 2 weeks of having no friends, or anyone i could talk to. speaking with no one, and having no one. She made me relive the worst part of my life again, for her stupid game, keeping me on a leash, and trapped. Abusing the information i gave her in confidence regarding my worst nightmare, and she used it against me in the end.
towards the end of those 2 weeks, stuck in my head, and unable to speak with anyone, or do anything other than move on auto piolit for weeks on end. sleeping my days away, drinking more than i should, something finally snapped within me. Ashe had been birthed into my mind, and filled me with hope, and strength. my chains had been broken, but the shackles of torture remained, weighing heavily on me. I was back into a healthier mindset, but still plauged by the horrendious thoughts. I was free, but still prisioner. Ashe's design reflected this. brown fur on her ankles, and wrist, and a final band across her chest, ment to act as restraints. Ashe helped drag us out of the hellhole of emotinal torment, and peice togeather all of the peices in our head, finally snaping us out of the games we were being forced to play.
She brought clarity to our eyes, and we understood we hadn't done anything wrong, but were being forced to partake in a cruel game, as her emotinal support battery, that she didn't need anymore, cause she found a newer, better model she could drain dry.
Once the two weeks ended, i messaged her nervously, seeing things had returned to more or less, the normal state of affairs. She mentioned that a friend of hers cut her out of his life, and upon expressing my sympathies, She responded in a ugly mannor, implying she was only telling me because i asked, and it was "just a obligation".
I still remember standing at work in the warehouse, reading that sentence. angry, but needing answers. making sure there would be no recourse on her end of things (not like she could do anything, she had shared just as much information as me, but i am more willing to sorch the earth, and burn the world to get back at 1 person who wronged me. Am i evil? eh, idk. is it evil to return the favor of someone trying to blackmail you?)
In my infinite wisdom, and masqurading as the Personification of Ashalynna, as i was still too mentally unstable to be my normal self, and Ashe had forced herself into the forefront of my mind, I decied to look into the matter of her friend who had cut her out of his life, as i knew they were close friends, and he had a crush on her (i kinda stole her from him accidentally, but i ended things as soon as i saw the red flags).
He ended his 7 year friendship with her, because she told him what she was doing to me the previous weeks, and talking bad about me behind my back, claiming i was an emotinal burden, and "just a chore" she had to deal with; amoungst other accusations, and cheating on him in their previous relationship. He had filled me in so much, my eyes were clear, and i was ready to act. At first, i wanted revenge, and to make them suffer for what they'd done to me, But i settled with just cutting them out of my life, in the exact same manor that her previous friend had done to her.
Just like that, i was free, and my mental state improved IMMIDIATLY. I informed her ex friend what i had done, and he wished me well, as did i to him. I informed her current toy to be careful of her, but he never responded (i assume i just got labeled as the crazy ex, and they're despreate for love just like i was.)
i lost nothing of value that day. She lost me; the person who actually listened, and remembered, and would do anything for a friend.
_____
that's how Ashe was created. lived through hell, finally broke, just for a new fire to be ignited in my heart.
Hope you can see why i love ashe so much :3 She saved me, and i'm glad she was born in that instance to save me from my darkness.
Happy birthday Ashe, and I'm greatful to be free from that abusive relationship for 1 year.
Stay safe, and love you all <3
-Clock Jester
As i'm not going to have internet tomarrow/too busy to type this up, we're doing it today!
How was Ashe was created? What would bring to life such a lovely character in our mind, driving us to the extreame lengths of love for them that we'd host a proper birthday event for her? :3
severe amounts of mental and emotinal torture from an abusive, manipulative, gaslighting ex-girlfriend/friend. :D yea, i've been places
1 year ago, i had what i thought was a "falling out" with a friend who i held dear and loved deeply. I noticed a drastic shift in their personality, and knowing who they were, it caused me to be extreamly concerned for their wellbeing, and safty, as we went from daily conversations to short responces, dragged out over a long period of time. the reason for this behavior i would learn after the fact, is that she had aquired a new target, one who wasn't as keen on picking up on her tricks, and exploitations, as i had already brought to light multiple instances of gaslighting, and manipulative tendancies, having to go back into the chat logs to find information i knew was true.
She would set up situations, and let them grow into problems when they could easily be snuffed out with almost no effort. She would let problems brew, and fester, instead of addressing them immidiatly. (not everyone has the forsite to see issues, and stop them, but she had acknowlaged them, and ignored me concerns regarding those issues when i brought them up.) She either wanted to be the victim, or was so helpless, and unwilling to adress matters in her life, that it would boil over and start a fire she's let ruin her, and pout about it.
When she found her new target, she decied to keep me on a baited line, in an attempt to have a "rebound" should her new target fall through. concequently, i'm a decent friend who keeps an eye on my friends, and i notice shifts in behavior, and personality. I kept messaging them, trying to check to see if they were alright. and i got snapped back at vicciously. Being told i was the reason she was depressed, and that i was the problem.
after begging for my friend back, as they kept implying they were going to cut ties with me, and crying cause i didn't want to lose a good friend, they relented, and forced me to go 2 weeks without messaging them at all, or they'd end it.
the week leading up to those two weeks, i was reliving my prior trauma with an old friend. losing a friend i held dearly because i was too concerned for them, feeling like a monster. I went 3 years trudging through life feeling like shit regarding my first friend, only for them to crop back up multiple times, filling me with joy, before the illusion faded again.
1 week of repeating the same events as before, and 2 weeks of having no friends, or anyone i could talk to. speaking with no one, and having no one. She made me relive the worst part of my life again, for her stupid game, keeping me on a leash, and trapped. Abusing the information i gave her in confidence regarding my worst nightmare, and she used it against me in the end.
towards the end of those 2 weeks, stuck in my head, and unable to speak with anyone, or do anything other than move on auto piolit for weeks on end. sleeping my days away, drinking more than i should, something finally snapped within me. Ashe had been birthed into my mind, and filled me with hope, and strength. my chains had been broken, but the shackles of torture remained, weighing heavily on me. I was back into a healthier mindset, but still plauged by the horrendious thoughts. I was free, but still prisioner. Ashe's design reflected this. brown fur on her ankles, and wrist, and a final band across her chest, ment to act as restraints. Ashe helped drag us out of the hellhole of emotinal torment, and peice togeather all of the peices in our head, finally snaping us out of the games we were being forced to play.
She brought clarity to our eyes, and we understood we hadn't done anything wrong, but were being forced to partake in a cruel game, as her emotinal support battery, that she didn't need anymore, cause she found a newer, better model she could drain dry.
Once the two weeks ended, i messaged her nervously, seeing things had returned to more or less, the normal state of affairs. She mentioned that a friend of hers cut her out of his life, and upon expressing my sympathies, She responded in a ugly mannor, implying she was only telling me because i asked, and it was "just a obligation".
I still remember standing at work in the warehouse, reading that sentence. angry, but needing answers. making sure there would be no recourse on her end of things (not like she could do anything, she had shared just as much information as me, but i am more willing to sorch the earth, and burn the world to get back at 1 person who wronged me. Am i evil? eh, idk. is it evil to return the favor of someone trying to blackmail you?)
In my infinite wisdom, and masqurading as the Personification of Ashalynna, as i was still too mentally unstable to be my normal self, and Ashe had forced herself into the forefront of my mind, I decied to look into the matter of her friend who had cut her out of his life, as i knew they were close friends, and he had a crush on her (i kinda stole her from him accidentally, but i ended things as soon as i saw the red flags).
He ended his 7 year friendship with her, because she told him what she was doing to me the previous weeks, and talking bad about me behind my back, claiming i was an emotinal burden, and "just a chore" she had to deal with; amoungst other accusations, and cheating on him in their previous relationship. He had filled me in so much, my eyes were clear, and i was ready to act. At first, i wanted revenge, and to make them suffer for what they'd done to me, But i settled with just cutting them out of my life, in the exact same manor that her previous friend had done to her.
Just like that, i was free, and my mental state improved IMMIDIATLY. I informed her ex friend what i had done, and he wished me well, as did i to him. I informed her current toy to be careful of her, but he never responded (i assume i just got labeled as the crazy ex, and they're despreate for love just like i was.)
i lost nothing of value that day. She lost me; the person who actually listened, and remembered, and would do anything for a friend.
_____
that's how Ashe was created. lived through hell, finally broke, just for a new fire to be ignited in my heart.
Hope you can see why i love ashe so much :3 She saved me, and i'm glad she was born in that instance to save me from my darkness.
Happy birthday Ashe, and I'm greatful to be free from that abusive relationship for 1 year.
Stay safe, and love you all <3
-Clock Jester
