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Early Winter
2 years ago
General
The time is getting closer.
You know, I've been a furry for decades....and for a fandom dedicated towards being someone who you are not, I personally have not changed much.
I'm still the same person who sat upstairs in front of the computer, watching summer days pass by as I connected with the only people I was close to, half a world away. I'm still the same person who got taken advantage of by my peers in middle school because I was too optimistic about them. I'm still the same person who goes to the dance to stand in the back and listen to the music. I'm still the same person who put my friends over my own personal interests for years and years, until I got burnt out on them. I buy movies I never watch and games I never play. I've had to let go of so many dreams that I've moved onto hopes.
Gonna hit that milestone age and since there's no going back, I'm going to go forward. I think I'm going to deliberately try and become more reckless and impulsive and start taking more risks.
I wanna be like that guy who went into the woods and fukkin' died. Because sometimes staying where you are is more excruciating than breaking your leg and dying of dehydration and food poisoning.
You know, I've been a furry for decades....and for a fandom dedicated towards being someone who you are not, I personally have not changed much.
I'm still the same person who sat upstairs in front of the computer, watching summer days pass by as I connected with the only people I was close to, half a world away. I'm still the same person who got taken advantage of by my peers in middle school because I was too optimistic about them. I'm still the same person who goes to the dance to stand in the back and listen to the music. I'm still the same person who put my friends over my own personal interests for years and years, until I got burnt out on them. I buy movies I never watch and games I never play. I've had to let go of so many dreams that I've moved onto hopes.
Gonna hit that milestone age and since there's no going back, I'm going to go forward. I think I'm going to deliberately try and become more reckless and impulsive and start taking more risks.
I wanna be like that guy who went into the woods and fukkin' died. Because sometimes staying where you are is more excruciating than breaking your leg and dying of dehydration and food poisoning.
This year marks the 10th anniversary of my Xbox 360 copy of Dark Souls from 2013. It sits brand new, shrink-wrapped, never opened, collecting dust. Just too many things that need done first, and that's just one game... I'm still a dreamer but I don't believe in my dreams or my hopes at this point.
I'd love to try the reckless and impulsive thing myself, but I have zero luck, zero charisma and am a coward so I don't think I could or should. Definitely am responding to the extra road rage with some outward aggression of my own, at least, that's kind of impulsive.
Originally I was thinking of killing myself this year. Anything I do outside the norm will either take me further from or closer to that decision. I don't want to just accept things as they stand and take such an action without trying things first. Even crazy things that I realistically shouldn't be doing.