hi guys, yesterday I had to go to the hospital after leaving Dexter at the veterinary hospital [here in Brazil we are having a very strong heat wave reaching almost 40C°|104F° chinchillas are sensitive to heat and even with air conditioning here at home he was getting hyperthermia which could lead to death] , Coming back to myself I took a benzodiazepine and a dose of serum in my arm to hydrate, basically yesterday morning a crisis turned into a panic attack like I had never had before, I screamed, I cried thinking that I was going to die, I screamed so much that my throat hurt and I broke my water bottle with my strength... my crises were never reactive to the point of taking it out on an object: the reason was a trigger and my mother's egocentrism and narcissism that made I reached my limit yesterday: it's sad that I can't have a healthy relationship with the woman who gave birth to me... I even thought about admitting myself to a mental hospital for a few days, but it's not worth it.
I'm taking care of myself as best I can, going to therapy, taking medication and it's still never enough, so I decided to cut off contact because she'll never change and she's just distancing people more and more with her toxic behavior.
She's the problem and not me, it makes me feel really stupid for still believing that people can change. Now I'm here feeling like a burned out match, I can't sleep, I can't eat and I can't work as well as I used to.
I finally made the decision to cut off contact permanently because my physical and psychological health is terrible, even going to the gym and exercising wasn't enough
this went on for too long
Thank God   edbwolf is here at home to take care of me

About Dexter, well, I left him admitted to the clinic because of the heat, even with a fan and air conditioning it wasn't enough to keep him at the appropriate temperature [and he also became nervous and agitated due to my outburst yesterday]
I'm getting in touch with a guy who fixes air conditioners to do the maintenance as quickly as possible, if I can't fix it today I'll need to pay for a small wildlife hotel for him to stay there until the air conditioner is ready or until the temperature drops
He gave me a base value of approximately 200 to 300$ so I will make colored sketches to cover the cost of Dexter's maintenance and hosting

For my clients who are waiting for their orders, I apologize for the delay in delivering the art, with all this happening + me having to accompany Ed in the interview + having these unforeseen emotional events, it is difficult to balance work and I depend a lot on my emotions to draw

I just really hope things start to get better from now on.