I don't even know where to start, this week was very complicated but the good thing is that I finally had peace and I feel free.
Sit down and here comes a long story about me

I finally cut ties with my narcissistic mother!
Tuesday was the height of everything, I had a panic attack like I had never had before, to the point that I went to the hospital to take serum and a benzodiazepine to calm me down, she was threatening to come to my house and explain why. wanting more of my money, and knowing the person she would attack me verbally\psychologically\physically, it got to the point where she started spamming trigger messages and calling incessantly
Allan [   Edbwolf ] was the first person to witness an intense outburst, my screams were so shrill that he had to cover his ears because it disoriented him while he waited for me to calm down
I spent several moments with my hand on my head and with my legs crossed crying desperately as the crisis evolved into an outbreak to the point of breaking things and screaming|crying and I was seriously thinking about voluntarily hospitalizing myself for a few days
To anyone on the street or neighbors, the screams sounded like someone was killing me.
It got to the point that I didn't want to hold my cell phone without shaking, so Allan had my cell phone all day, any call\notification was enough for me to not want to look, shake and get nervous and almost throw the cell phone at the wall
So on Tuesday afternoon I went with him to my grandparents' house [and I was taking Dexter because there was a power outage and the air conditioning in my house didn't work and as I said this week, here in Brazil there was an extremely strong heat wave to the point of be dangerous for chinchillas] was where I talked to my grandparents and Allan showed me all the messages that their daughter was sending me and to the point where I freaked out: they stayed by my side because there were already times when they heard the things that the daughter does it and that was the last straw
Then we went to the veterinary hospital because I suspected that Dexter had hyperthermia due to the weather: he was hospitalized for 2 days but fortunately he is well and healthy and at home
After leaving him at the vet, I went to the hospital to report what happened to me.
On Wednesday I sent my "mother" an extremely detailed message saying that I didn't want any more contact because she doesn't recognize how much her actions hurt me and other people and I reinforced "it's getting to the point where Even your children can't deal with you, so either you start reflecting on your actions or you'll be left alone" and then I blocked everything
Yesterday I had weekly therapy with the psychologist and Allan participated in the session because as a person who really saw what my outbreak was like and how I was, it was important for her to be attentive and the doctor said "it's good that you were close to her at this delicate moment, in a outbreak, you never know what we can do with ourselves.”
I am talking to my brother [who unfortunately still lives with her] and he reported that she herself said “your sister died to me” [ironically the one who was killing me all these years was her and her narcissism, she prefers to think she is right than seek help].
My brother is very upset about the situation and he himself told me that he doesn't want to stay there and wants to live with our grandmother and in approximately 1 year he will be older and will be able to do whatever he wants, I sincerely support his decision, I didn't want to that he would go through this but as he said in one of our conversations "this is a canonical event in our lives as her children"

So that's it for now, I haven't returned to my normal activities yet, I don't eat or sleep properly and I'm still afraid that she'll come here at an unexpected time, but I've already warned my neighbors that if by any chance someone comes here and wants to come in, there's no need open the gate and have to call the police immediately
I scheduled exams and an appointment with a neurologist for occupational therapy, next month I see a psychiatrist again but I honestly feel a little optimistic that things will get better from now on without her in my life
A part of me is sad because I can directly consider myself an orphan: I only have progenitors of my DNA and not a loving, welcoming and decent father and mother like a family, but that's what they say... Family is people who you choose and feel comfortable and they accept you as you are and not people of blood
So, you who suffer from narcissistic parents, relatives, friends, prioritize yourselves and cut ties, people like that will never change and will make you sick together if you allow it.
Have self-love and compassion for your life, people like that are like parasites and will make your life hell and you could pay a very high price.
Living with narcissistic people destroys our sanity

Later we will spend the weekend with Ladybear and next week I will return to work
Thanks for reading my rant