Make time for things that bring you joy. What things bring you pleasure?

nothing brings me pleasure

I draw out my negative feelings into the monsters i draw. Also listen to very loud angry metal

The people I love. There are many wonderful souls in my life who would hurt terribly if I were to do something foolish and wasteful. I'm very familiar with the call of the void, the idea that it would all be so much easier if I didn't exist, didn't have to deal with the loneliness, the monotony, the lack of motivation, the hate from within and without. I would've made a very different choice several years ago if not for the beautiful and beloved friends and family I've come to know. I hope you find yours and you hold onto them tight.

Perhaps, you need to vent feelings through something. A few poems I wrote years ago were for venting sadness. I would rely on "Mortal Kombat X" for venting anger.

Fun games and cute animals can work wonders

Distraction and attention redirection help me a lot. Break out of that dark spiral of constantly focusing on the pain and feelings of despair by physically and mentally doing something more positive and productive.

Take a walk, read a book, watch something beautiful or interesting online (not news or doomscrolling though, that doesn't help.) Listen to some music online by a band you've never heard of before. Even something as simple as cleaning up your apartment or re-organizing your belongings can help break you out of that constant feeling of helplessness.

Art is also wonderful therapy. Even if you aren't up to finishing an entire piece, sketching for yourself is a great way to vent and work through your emotions.

Sometimes listening to music helps me whenever I’m feeling down 🎧🦝

I use my art as an outlet for negative emotions. I think it helps, even if it's not stuff people like to see; it's therapeutic.
I also like tea..and gardening seems like something that would be nice to focus on if one has access to stuff for it.

how about playing some games

Your pets if you have any are dependent upon you. think of them, and spend time with them. Walking the dog is often when I solve problems mentally.

Not that I've ever had serious suicidal thoughts, though I did go through some dark periods, but what's been helping me go through day to day stuff is the idea that.. well - nothing really matters. Which sounds like some really depressing idea to live by, but personally it's been rather freeing. I used to overthink and worry about so much things, a lot of which I had no control over anyway, whereas now I tend to pick and choose what to really care about. If I'm not literally dying at the moment - it's probably not that important. Because the reality is that this isn't a race and there's no prize at the end. No one's gonna rate you on how many mistakes or achievements you've made.
As for suicide itself, my admittedly somewhat basic take is that like, it'll never be too late for it. No harm in procrastinating on that. You know when you get bored of a game, but right before you quit, you save and start fucking around? If it ever gets REALLY bad, try the fucking around part. Just change something, do something, see what happens. Maybe you'll get something out of it.
Idk if any of this rambling helps, but hey. And just so you know my notes are always open for some text dumps if by any chance you ever feel like it.

I know that nothing and no one matters. The fact is, I'm suffering. I'm 21 years old, I've wanted to kill myself since I was 15, and every year or even month I get worse. I'm just tired of the pain I feel every day, nothing brings me joy, just bottomless grayness everywhere

How was your life before you were 15? Did anything bring you joy back then?

My father beat me when I was very young and tried to strangle me when I was 16
And he broke my nose when I was 3
I told my mother I was depressed and bipolar since I was 16, but she never believed me
Even now that I'm spending tons of money on medication for depression, anxiety, and bipolar
I have nightmares that often involve my parents

I was depressed some time ago, and did find myself thinking about suicide. My main reason for not going through was because my mother suicided when I was 20 and it wasn't necessary, so I know mine also wouldn't have been.

I prepared a journal about other things that helped me - maybe something in it will help you.

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8892077/

I feel for you. I have a friend who fights this constantly. I have read some of your other journals, and it's all so much.

I believe the best advice I can give is to find a distraction. The goal is not to ignore problems, but to give you a break from them. My best example, and others have said it, is video games. I remember getting through some of the toughest times of my life by playing games. Typically larger ones with deeper stories, or ones with fun mechanics, are best. They aren't 'busy work', but they are engaging. A game where you want to keep playing for the game itself.

Art is another good one. Something to keep your mind busy. You can continue with projects or try something completely new.

I wish you the best. I love your art and it saddens me to hear how much pain you're experiencing.