That was a lie. Nothing new. Feelings of lonelyness getting unbearble. Torrented games can only hold me for so long. Going back to SL was a mistake. Most drama in a single day, rl or sl ive ever had. God I am pathetic. I look in the mirror, I love the way I look, I respect myself, I just.. for the life of me *snickers* cant find someone whos willing to deal with my massive clingyness. The clingyness gets worse day in day out. Hankering for a touch. Even if its a handshake at the bar. I need medical help. My parents say its normal, that moving out on your own can feel overwhealming, but they just dont understand where I am right now. I am on the boarderline, I respect myself so not quite emo.. Not capeable of hurting myself. But in tears every night because I am alone.

I dont know what to do. I need help. I need serious medical help. This is not normal and quite frankly i am teetering every night closer to that self harm point. A bad thing for someone with my history which none of you know at all. So yeah. I was there once. Medication helped. that was 5+ years ago. My body has adapted, the meds are working less and less. Every night I take them.. And wonder to myself why? when I know they dont help anymore.. This is sad. I am so pathetic. i was preteen when I felt this low. At that time. My parents did the right thing and hospitalised me for depression. Maybe I should do it. Maybe I should drive to Maine Med and walk thru the doors. Do what they did and get the help I truely need. Hah. No sleep tonight I am sure. need to work at 7. after work.. If this persists I wont be online for a couple weeks to a month or so, if thats the case I am in the hospital. And I love you all. Mike (Yipper) signing out.

NOTE: Sober. Not drunken depressive ramble. I havent slept in 3 nights, Cried and cried. sobed into my pillow