I wonder if I am too forgiving a person. I have let several people back into my life, often the same person more than once, who have hurt me time and time again. It is very difficult for me to willingly cut off from someone, I have only ever blocked a few people, and that was because they were genuine threats to me or my mental health.

I still keep away from a select few who I know would only cause more harm to me or themselves from talking to me. People I tell myself to have the self control to never try and reach out to again even if I worry about them. There are those who I expected to never see again and am surprised to find how accepting I am of their presence in the future.

And I've been surprised to find others forgiving me for horrid actions and mistakes I felt should never be. Giving me a second chance I don't deserve.

Right now I am writing this when I should be going to sleep because I am finding myself forgiving of someone who broke my heart and I didn't expect to forgive it.

Things always felt to me like they did not heal with time, it felt like my wounds would fester and I would never come to accept things that bothered me without any further interaction. But that simply is not true, with time comes fading emotions and forgotten moments. Eventually I will just not care or even forget what happened entirely. And it comes to pass once more, I made such a fuss over a complete mess that was at least half my fault, but at the time I felt so justified in my outrage and heartbreak. Partially I still do. But I don't want to feel anger towards this person, I never did. Even with that part of my heart broken I still find myself coming to forgive them. And I know they would not try to hurt me maliciously, even if they weren't thoughtful at times. I wish I was so much better to them, and I hope they are finding better now. I never expect to speak with them again in any capacity and that is alright. It just feels like the right thing, to never see each other again regardless of circumstance. It was all a mess in the end, but I am glad that the friendship still happened. May you have a wonderful rest of your life, wherever you are.