I got into Azur Lane a few years ago, for obvious reasons. (sexy ladies) And I have enjoyed it. I've enjoyed the gameplay, the story, the character designs, their interactions and personalities, and just the whole experience. I like that it is free but also really high quality; it's clear that a lot of care and effort goes into making the game, and I've been more than happy to throw small amounts of money at it when I could afford to, even though I didn't need to. I briefly played Fate/Grand Order, and had similar feelings, enjoying the gameplay, story, and characters, etc. Honkai Impact 3rd and Genshin Impact also. After a time, I had to cut out most of those because I was leaving myself with less time each day to do other things, after doing the daily tasks in each. Some months back, Aether Gazer came out, and simply because it's done by the same people behind Azur Lane, I decided to give it a go. Once again, I've been loving the experience wholly. And, while I'm not finding myself quite as stretched thin as I was, juggling four gachas, I'm beginning to come to some realisations about gachas in general. Or, at least these ones.

I kind of hate how in-depth they are. I'm both impressed by their level of complexity, but also put off by it. I get that having a load of characters is kind of the whole shtick of a gacha, and it's great to allow a player to have options. But, how does a free mobile game have more @#!$ing meta to it than a AAA title!? You start the game with a handful of options, and gradually that pool grows. Exponentially! And you soon find yourself with layers upon layers of options. A single character can have a half dozen or more applicable options each with detailed stats that directly affect that character. And then each of those options can have multiple options that modify them, further altering how the character performs. It's not long before you have an entire root system of options to navigate, of literally dozens (or even hundreds) or characters. And, when you get late into these games, "good enough" just doesn't cut it! You need the best. But... how do you know what's best?

A. You spend hours upon hours trawling all the stats, comparing them, matching and mixing and trialing and building and then, MAYBE you've found the best option for now. Until the next event comes along when new characters are introduced and the whole meta is upturned.

B. You look for a guide online and have someone else hand you the answers.

Some people are fine with either option. Personally, I don't like B, and I don't have the mental capacity or time for A. I just wanna open the game, whack some baddies, and enjoy a good story and aesthetically pleasing character designs for an hour or so, each day. But... I can't! Well, technically I can, if I am willing to ignore half the good stuff and only do the bare minimum. But, if I want to go all the way, and get those shiny rewards at the very top, I have no choice but to try and spin the gears in my aging head until they start to smoke as I try and figure out what the F I'm doing.

It honestly baffles me that these games have a level of complexity so far beyond most major titles developed and published by big name companies, with a fraction of the budget and probably development time. And... it's starting to make me wonder if maybe I should give up. I can't keep up. What is required of me I cannot provide and as much as I love these games and the experiences they provide, I hate that I'm unable to enjoy them fully because of my shortcomings.

I'm unable to math out the meta for myself, and looking up guides just makes me feel like I haven't earned anything, like I'm playing someone else's finished game, making it feel empty.

I've invested hours upon hours into Azur Lane, and no small amount of money, either. Aether Gazer is quickly matching up to Azur Lane in my dedication to it. But... I just can't give them the love I want to, and it really makes me sad. They offer what so many other games don't, yet I'm feeling more and more left behind by them, and I can't help but wonder... is it time to give up? Should I bite the bullet and just cut my losses? I feel like I'm trying to decide if I should stop dating someone I've been seeing for ages. I don't want to stop, but... I'm beginning to feel tired running after them.