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A Question I Ask Google A Lot
2 years ago
Since I have a minute of downtime after all my rushing around at work, I thought I'd ask something to anyone that might read this. It's a question I might feel like asking multiple times now and again, and maybe hear something different.
How does someone actually become passionate about something? I'll be honest, in all the things I've done in my life, whether I have shared those activities with others or not, not once have I ever felt anything remotely close to "passion" or "devotion". I've been curious, and even interrogative, but never really felt any true drive or unconditional motivation for anything I've ever done.
Visual art? I like the way some things look and felt like mimicking those things sometimes. Music? I did it in school and since I can read standard notation, why not do it sometimes? Gaming? It's cheap[er than heroin] and easily accessible dopamine.
Seriously, this has been bugging me for years. I've Googled "how to find passions" and "where does passion come from" so many times, I have no clue what to do.
How does someone actually become passionate about something? I'll be honest, in all the things I've done in my life, whether I have shared those activities with others or not, not once have I ever felt anything remotely close to "passion" or "devotion". I've been curious, and even interrogative, but never really felt any true drive or unconditional motivation for anything I've ever done.
Visual art? I like the way some things look and felt like mimicking those things sometimes. Music? I did it in school and since I can read standard notation, why not do it sometimes? Gaming? It's cheap[er than heroin] and easily accessible dopamine.
Seriously, this has been bugging me for years. I've Googled "how to find passions" and "where does passion come from" so many times, I have no clue what to do.
I know that this attitude has been killing me for a long time now. It's easy to hide how I feel behind texts and posts that ostensibly show interests and motivations, but I'm not lying when I say I'm mostly going through the motions of making it look like I have genuine interests. If I didn't, I'd basically sit where I am now and die of exposure.
I stopped feeling excited years ago
That's just been my observation, anyway.
The thing is, as soon as the feelings begin to ebb, I contemplate where those feelings come from. I realize that because the feelings came from chemical reactions, that they might have never had a true emotional reason for being.
Maybe kind of why I have no problem getting to sleep at night, but hate waking up.
I've yet to see any scientific evidence to suggest emotions; nay, the entire experience of consciousness itself; is anything more than the firing of synapses and chemical reactions of hormones in the squishy blobs of proteins and lipids that is the brain. And I'm perfectly okay with that.
Though if your goal is to find potential friends, specific social groups for people who either are on the spectrum or are just introverted and socially awkward in general do exist. Might be something worth looking into. Filter out most of the extroverts and people you'll probably never get along with and surround yourself with people all asking the very same questions you are now.