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A Soft Return (Harrharr)
2 years ago
Hi, folks! Hope your New Year is going as well as it can be so far. :3
So, generally I still stand by a lot of what I've said in the last bunch of times I made journals here and I say all the stuff with cautious optimism given the implications of some FA rule-changes and what that means for a loud sub-section of the community turning more unnecessarily hurtful to those who aren't actually doing or promoting harm, but...yes, I think I'm going to return to FA after all. Activity may be spotty and there's no guarentee how long I'll be here doing what I plan to, which will be made clearer soon into this journal, but I feel like my enthusiasm and enjoyment of dabbling in here as a nice to-the-side comfort hobby is back to being strong enough that I might as well return after all.
So, what spurred this on after everything else? Well, first of all, its been 7 months since the "Sunset" journal regarding the FA policy changes and aside from seeing some people I cared about either entirely vanish out of exhaustion or entirely change up how they expressed themselves to compromise for people who didn't like them in the first place, it actually hasn't been as destructive to the people I was worried it'd needlessly hurt as I thought it'd be.
Secondly, and most helpfully to me, I mean...this is nothing I demanded or asked for but for the last half-year or more, from both longtime friends and those I've ended up meeting for the first time...I've had an almost unnecessarily huge amount of support and praise for my 'sona Nell, the stuff I've done with her and my general philosophy guiding how I like to express and explore her. I've been complimented for how I try and have Nell seem like a dimensional person with a personality and feelings that utilise her hyperobese weight as less of an object that purely defines her as a character and more of a part of who she is and a part of her own life experiences, rather than something she has despite of her personality and feelings.
I can only talk about how well I do on this stuff so much, that's for others to decide, but I feel very vindicated that these very specific things I really do try with Nell as a character are not only acknowledged and beloved by people even while I was more semi-public and to-myself, but that I've actually deeply inspired some people. The person I've known the longest in this community, for example, embraces hyperobesity and "blob"-ishness incredibly wonderfully with charming and dynamic OCs and some very wonderful WG-centric writing. And apparently, it was me through what I've done with Nell up to now that made them see the appeal in all that and that the way I did that taught them how that can be expressed creatively without it boiling purely down to "they big" and nothing else.
I'm beyond fortunate and flattered by all this and if you're reading this and were part of those who decided that not only was I worth your time but worth enough somehow for all this too? Thank you so much. You've helped revitalise what I enjoy from being here and exploring this stuff. You all helped me finally come out of the overwhelming malaise and exhaustion I was feeling and I genuinely wish there was so much more I could do to return the favour as I cannot really emphasize just how helpful you've all been and how lucky I am to know you all, no matter how long for after now.
So with all that said, it re-centered my focus back onto Nell as a fursona and a character to metaphorically bounce stuff off of. And the funny thing is, even with everything I've tried with her as a character before and what I've heard in feedback...the actual art side of what I do with Nell, the actual drawings I've made of her that I feel comfortable enough to share online? They...don't actually reflect these things I've expressed regarding her outside of the art AS much as I'd wish I could admit. So I guess its high-time I fixed that, eh?
So, that's the shape of what's to come here. For the foreseeable future, with no fixed times of when I post and interact with the community, I will be doubling-down on art revolving around Nell when I post things on here. I will do my best to explore her better as a character in art and do justice by Nell in exploring her personality, philosophies, experiences and interests. Her being hyperobese and immobile will always be there, Nell is not Nell without that, but I wanna have it reflected in art too that she isn't JUST her weight. Her weight affects her whole life but her whole life isn't *just* her weight. Beyond being self-expression for me and my sense of comfort and validity with hyperobesity as a concept, I want Nell to be worthy and positive representation even as a fictional character of the experience of being hyperobese and how no matter how much more beyond a bigger person is from them being "curvy" that they're still valid and valued as a person. And that being beyond a certain weight does not invalidate the person who's that, irregardless of medical contexts.
So yeah, look forward to a whole lot more Nell from now on! She will be the primary focus of my time spent here and what I do creatively with her will drive how I express. I have other OCs and I wouldn't say I'll never make another OC for this type of stuff again as I have other, somewhat neglected ideas for that sorta thing but this is certainly The Nell Show. And any giftart I do for others will be private and purely to those I already know and trust right now.
The fatfur community isn't as big a focus to me as it was. Outside of it, there are things I'm working towards that I'm very excited about, real dream-chasing kind of projects, so that and my own management of my wellbeing all come before this. However, for as long as I can practically still contribute here, I'm going to focus back on things that I know I don't have to compromise in the pursuit of creative expression and validation, while knowing that there's enough people out there already that I know that for them this'll all be a net-positive to them too, seeing me double-down on something that inspires them also to make wonderful things, dynamic expressions of the experiences of the hyperobese that are otherwise met outside of communities like this with unnecessary judgmentality and internal/external scorn.
Nothing from what I've posted before now will be deleted, or at least I'm not going to, I have no regrets on what I've posted on here beforehand as I insist that I've always posted stuff that's harmless to people beyond their own personal preferences of what they see represented of the experiences of being fatter. But I feel safe in knowing that I don't have to compromise over Nell, "current-day" Nell, so I'm back to feeling fully comfortable with creating and expressing with her again.
Phew, alright I think that covers everything. As ever, I'm a little too good with rambling and over-explaining so excuse me there. X3 But there we go, that's what I'll be doing here from now on and I'm looking forward to having all of this materialise for as long as I can still openly creatively express with Nell going forward. :3
Thanks for reading and for your continued support and whatever happens this year, make it your's.
With love, Nell. <3
So, generally I still stand by a lot of what I've said in the last bunch of times I made journals here and I say all the stuff with cautious optimism given the implications of some FA rule-changes and what that means for a loud sub-section of the community turning more unnecessarily hurtful to those who aren't actually doing or promoting harm, but...yes, I think I'm going to return to FA after all. Activity may be spotty and there's no guarentee how long I'll be here doing what I plan to, which will be made clearer soon into this journal, but I feel like my enthusiasm and enjoyment of dabbling in here as a nice to-the-side comfort hobby is back to being strong enough that I might as well return after all.
So, what spurred this on after everything else? Well, first of all, its been 7 months since the "Sunset" journal regarding the FA policy changes and aside from seeing some people I cared about either entirely vanish out of exhaustion or entirely change up how they expressed themselves to compromise for people who didn't like them in the first place, it actually hasn't been as destructive to the people I was worried it'd needlessly hurt as I thought it'd be.
Secondly, and most helpfully to me, I mean...this is nothing I demanded or asked for but for the last half-year or more, from both longtime friends and those I've ended up meeting for the first time...I've had an almost unnecessarily huge amount of support and praise for my 'sona Nell, the stuff I've done with her and my general philosophy guiding how I like to express and explore her. I've been complimented for how I try and have Nell seem like a dimensional person with a personality and feelings that utilise her hyperobese weight as less of an object that purely defines her as a character and more of a part of who she is and a part of her own life experiences, rather than something she has despite of her personality and feelings.
I can only talk about how well I do on this stuff so much, that's for others to decide, but I feel very vindicated that these very specific things I really do try with Nell as a character are not only acknowledged and beloved by people even while I was more semi-public and to-myself, but that I've actually deeply inspired some people. The person I've known the longest in this community, for example, embraces hyperobesity and "blob"-ishness incredibly wonderfully with charming and dynamic OCs and some very wonderful WG-centric writing. And apparently, it was me through what I've done with Nell up to now that made them see the appeal in all that and that the way I did that taught them how that can be expressed creatively without it boiling purely down to "they big" and nothing else.
I'm beyond fortunate and flattered by all this and if you're reading this and were part of those who decided that not only was I worth your time but worth enough somehow for all this too? Thank you so much. You've helped revitalise what I enjoy from being here and exploring this stuff. You all helped me finally come out of the overwhelming malaise and exhaustion I was feeling and I genuinely wish there was so much more I could do to return the favour as I cannot really emphasize just how helpful you've all been and how lucky I am to know you all, no matter how long for after now.
So with all that said, it re-centered my focus back onto Nell as a fursona and a character to metaphorically bounce stuff off of. And the funny thing is, even with everything I've tried with her as a character before and what I've heard in feedback...the actual art side of what I do with Nell, the actual drawings I've made of her that I feel comfortable enough to share online? They...don't actually reflect these things I've expressed regarding her outside of the art AS much as I'd wish I could admit. So I guess its high-time I fixed that, eh?
So, that's the shape of what's to come here. For the foreseeable future, with no fixed times of when I post and interact with the community, I will be doubling-down on art revolving around Nell when I post things on here. I will do my best to explore her better as a character in art and do justice by Nell in exploring her personality, philosophies, experiences and interests. Her being hyperobese and immobile will always be there, Nell is not Nell without that, but I wanna have it reflected in art too that she isn't JUST her weight. Her weight affects her whole life but her whole life isn't *just* her weight. Beyond being self-expression for me and my sense of comfort and validity with hyperobesity as a concept, I want Nell to be worthy and positive representation even as a fictional character of the experience of being hyperobese and how no matter how much more beyond a bigger person is from them being "curvy" that they're still valid and valued as a person. And that being beyond a certain weight does not invalidate the person who's that, irregardless of medical contexts.
So yeah, look forward to a whole lot more Nell from now on! She will be the primary focus of my time spent here and what I do creatively with her will drive how I express. I have other OCs and I wouldn't say I'll never make another OC for this type of stuff again as I have other, somewhat neglected ideas for that sorta thing but this is certainly The Nell Show. And any giftart I do for others will be private and purely to those I already know and trust right now.
The fatfur community isn't as big a focus to me as it was. Outside of it, there are things I'm working towards that I'm very excited about, real dream-chasing kind of projects, so that and my own management of my wellbeing all come before this. However, for as long as I can practically still contribute here, I'm going to focus back on things that I know I don't have to compromise in the pursuit of creative expression and validation, while knowing that there's enough people out there already that I know that for them this'll all be a net-positive to them too, seeing me double-down on something that inspires them also to make wonderful things, dynamic expressions of the experiences of the hyperobese that are otherwise met outside of communities like this with unnecessary judgmentality and internal/external scorn.
Nothing from what I've posted before now will be deleted, or at least I'm not going to, I have no regrets on what I've posted on here beforehand as I insist that I've always posted stuff that's harmless to people beyond their own personal preferences of what they see represented of the experiences of being fatter. But I feel safe in knowing that I don't have to compromise over Nell, "current-day" Nell, so I'm back to feeling fully comfortable with creating and expressing with her again.
Phew, alright I think that covers everything. As ever, I'm a little too good with rambling and over-explaining so excuse me there. X3 But there we go, that's what I'll be doing here from now on and I'm looking forward to having all of this materialise for as long as I can still openly creatively express with Nell going forward. :3
Thanks for reading and for your continued support and whatever happens this year, make it your's.
With love, Nell. <3
