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real talk about my body
2 years ago
🧦🦦🧦🥾🧦 For around a year now I've been self reflecting on myself and I'm not making any final judgments without seeking further assistance from medical professionals but I have a suspicion that I might have BDD (body dimorphism disorder) there are parts of my body I just don't like. Naming my legs, cock, and balls. They haven't felt right and since I was 14 I had thoughts of wanting my genitals removed. I've debated doing it myself irl but never did due to the risks of doing it myself. I've spoken to many who have had situations of body part loss. I'm aware of the life changing struggles it brings. I'm aware of the health issues it brings, but I feel like removal is the only way I'd feel comfortable woth my body.
It feels stupid to desire such an awful fate, to want to be disabled, to want what some had unwillingly happen to them. It eats at my mind. I doubt I'll ever go though with it, and it will be a burden I carry. But if there ever comes a day where it could happen, intentionally or not I've accepted it.
To sate these odd mental desires while at home I've been using an old wheelchair to simulate what it might be, the discomfort, the issues, the struggles. But despite them despite wanting to stand up, it feels good NOT standing. Thinking tomyself that I cannot do that. It makes me feel good. I'm embarrassed that it even does. I've been scared to even share this info with my boyfriend and close friends. Thankfully those I've shared it with have understood the issue. But I feel like I should state this out in the world for others to maybe find, and mayhaps even share their similar experiences here.
If anyone who has read this far knows any more resources I can maybe read, or any communities I could ask more stuff in while I look into seeing a few medical professionals please do share any and all information.
And as a closing thought I mean no disrespect to anyone who is activly disabled. I can't imagine the trauma you are forced to endure. And I wish to clarify that despite me getting artwork involving amputation, don't do it yourself, and I don't desire this because "I'm worthless" no I have a lot of self pride and I stand up for myself when the time needs. It's just kinky to have no limbs. But my brain also unfortunately wants a fate like that fir real and it's a struggle thought to cope with.
It feels stupid to desire such an awful fate, to want to be disabled, to want what some had unwillingly happen to them. It eats at my mind. I doubt I'll ever go though with it, and it will be a burden I carry. But if there ever comes a day where it could happen, intentionally or not I've accepted it.
To sate these odd mental desires while at home I've been using an old wheelchair to simulate what it might be, the discomfort, the issues, the struggles. But despite them despite wanting to stand up, it feels good NOT standing. Thinking tomyself that I cannot do that. It makes me feel good. I'm embarrassed that it even does. I've been scared to even share this info with my boyfriend and close friends. Thankfully those I've shared it with have understood the issue. But I feel like I should state this out in the world for others to maybe find, and mayhaps even share their similar experiences here.
If anyone who has read this far knows any more resources I can maybe read, or any communities I could ask more stuff in while I look into seeing a few medical professionals please do share any and all information.
And as a closing thought I mean no disrespect to anyone who is activly disabled. I can't imagine the trauma you are forced to endure. And I wish to clarify that despite me getting artwork involving amputation, don't do it yourself, and I don't desire this because "I'm worthless" no I have a lot of self pride and I stand up for myself when the time needs. It's just kinky to have no limbs. But my brain also unfortunately wants a fate like that fir real and it's a struggle thought to cope with.
Also simulating what it be like, once parts were removed.
But in the end is it something impossible to simulate or to experience, unless it actually happens.
Only when something -is- gone, you realize it's gone.
And since we just can't grow body parts back, it could become something you will regret. And then it's too late.
This not a yes or no to any of your plans, given that in the end it is your body after all.
Just be aware that you never can foresee how you might feel after the deed has been done.
And even if it would feel good to you, could it also lead to a potentially dangerous habit. First this, then the next part. And another and in the end... What is then left of you?
Our feeble minds can change, also our desires and needs. Keep that in mind, before you make a irreversible decision and then decide for yourself.
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