---

This is a very emotional dump and semi-update of a sick ( I hope it's not Covid, please just be the flu ) person.
_{( Please, no hate comments. I just can't handle them right now. Advice is always welcomed, however. )}


I've been debating this for a while but I feel I'm going to be increasing my custom ( maybe fixed adopts ) prices soon. Between being so mentally burnout and feeling like I'm just not into it ( and good enough ) anymore, I'm struggling to produce anything of mid-quality, let alone high. I have over a hundred adopts that have not sold and this thought is just miserable and honestly overwhelming. Especially when I know I'll just make another and it'll added to the long list of unsold adopts.

Combine this when I am very slow at making adopts and I use just a mouse, not a tablet or art pen, I just feel stuck in development. I tried following Sai tutorials and it's so hard to get the fine tips, effects, and the pressure of what an actual digital pen can do.

Almost a couple of years ago I got custom orders left and right. I was easily making a reasonable income per week. But when the art community crashed, I went down hard with it, and any custom orders I previously got just stopped. All fixed adopts also started to never be sold and thus the long unsold list started.

A part of me thinks I price my adopts too high but dang, it takes me about six hours to do one adopt. I want to lower the price but then I feel like I'm not giving myself credit enough, after I don't lower it I feel guilty for the high price. I see other on-base adopt artists pump out several adopts weekly with lovely HQ designs. I know I can't match this active pace or quality in my current state.

I am also unsure if I even have a following even if the sites I use say it. Do my journals or submissions reach anyone? Could this be the issue? Lack of exposure? I'm not sure anymore. I'm just so drained.




_{[ Not really a part of the update / vent but just an idea. Can be skipped. ]}

I thought perhaps maybe I could try writing commissions. I do enjoy world-building and writing lore for characters. I also like doing FanFics and sometimes erotica. I have my own story I'm writing so I am passionate about this. I dabbled in writing for others before when I was younger but it didn't go far. I'm not sure where to start with this and if anyone would be interested.

While I am good at storytelling, character development, and world-building my spelling and grammar make me feel like I won't be able to get commissions or they won't be good enough for any sense of clientele. I also struggle to articulate a flow and have random bursts of writing a scene rather than the coherent lows and highs that a book has. Bluntly, I suck at filler.

---

[ The following is more personal and could be triggering for some readers. ]

I also had a major dip in productivity due to my mental health and going through a dangerous, abusive relationship. While I am finally out of such a relationship, the impact of it has stayed with me through these months. This and my extremely poor, toxic living conditions, low income if any, and lack of support it's been a rollercoaster of emotions and limitations.

Now, I am fighting when my doctors to get properly diagnosed, to get professional help, to get my medicine correct, and to get out of these horrid living conditions. I feel I am taking one step forward and thirty steps back. I look back ten years ago and never did I think I would still be here in the same place in life. I also lack the resources and funds for the proper medical care I need for the mental disorders I have. If I find a professional, which I am struggling with due to my location, I am talking thousands of dollars for a proper diagnosis and even more for the actual help. My therapist has even gotten to the point where she doesn't know what to do with the limitations I have. I feel she's given up on me saying the distance is too far or the professionals for my disorders are too rare.

I'm so stuck. I feel so exhausted.