Vent/CW idk

The realization is creeping in that my friend  sadpepega has taken her life and at this point I don't know how to process this... I considered her a close friend and now she's just gone. Just... like that. I wake up and see all her socials deleted and that harrowing gut-wrenching journal and I dunno what to do or what to think. Can only hope she changed her mind and is laying low but she's had a history of previous attempts. i tried so hard to be there for her, maybe i failed at that, maybe i didnt do enough, but now this shit will eat at me forever. I wish she'd just pop up and say "kha got you" or something. Fuck, I already miss her. She even promised me she'd talk to me before doing anything stupid so i can at least have a chance to say goodbye but... i know how it is, depression can go fuck itself. thanks for reading