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Personal rant.
a year ago
Some people know this, but I draw literally every day. It doesn't always go far, but I try. My hands don't always cooperate anymore due to a lot of reasons, I've been vocal about it in the past. It's so infuriating that I can't just get them to work. I can create things that make people happy, and it used to be a lot more regular.
I know stress and anxiety makes this worse, and that's why i need that disability to go through, but I don't know when that's happening. I guess I just wanted to post this to say that I'm always working on coms, I haven't forgot about anyone, but I don't want to give anyone something that isn't something I think is my best. It's not fair, especially after a wait.
I just want these dumb fucking hands to work for my sometimes. This weird disconnect lag issue.. This latency... It's fucking horrible. I just want my abilities to come back somehow, but I don't know if that can happen. Until then, I will keep working the best I can.
Thank you all for your patience and understanding. And thank anyone who has donated to help me stay afloat. I should say it more often, and I honestly feel like fucking shit even needing to be in this spot and needing to ask. I always wanted to be in the opposite spot, giving out the money to those who needed it.
Idk. I'm tired and I always need help until then. I have to feel like pain until things clear up.
I'm sorry for those I've disappointed.
I know stress and anxiety makes this worse, and that's why i need that disability to go through, but I don't know when that's happening. I guess I just wanted to post this to say that I'm always working on coms, I haven't forgot about anyone, but I don't want to give anyone something that isn't something I think is my best. It's not fair, especially after a wait.
I just want these dumb fucking hands to work for my sometimes. This weird disconnect lag issue.. This latency... It's fucking horrible. I just want my abilities to come back somehow, but I don't know if that can happen. Until then, I will keep working the best I can.
Thank you all for your patience and understanding. And thank anyone who has donated to help me stay afloat. I should say it more often, and I honestly feel like fucking shit even needing to be in this spot and needing to ask. I always wanted to be in the opposite spot, giving out the money to those who needed it.
Idk. I'm tired and I always need help until then. I have to feel like pain until things clear up.
I'm sorry for those I've disappointed.
How they explained it to me, is it has to do with a combination of neurological damage and a reaction time that is related to the "lizard" part of the brain responsible for movement, something that is common for people that go through severe levels of mental damage. The lizard brain acting first before the rational side, so to speak. The only fix for that, from what I understand, is to lessen the amount of stresses around me, which can be incredibly difficult for a myriad of reasons that I need not get in to right now, but I'm still going to keep doing what I can to work on my stuff even if it takes a while.