I read an interesting journal earlier from an artist on Inkbunny, about just being really horny, basically. In somewhat graphic detail. It was a little funny, maybe that was the intention, but I think it was really unapologetically honest, and I can respect that. It got me thinking about the same thing, just letting it out in a journal, but what would I need to let out?

Definitely not that I'm horny. Cause I mean... Sexual gratification for me personally just seems like.. a very small picture to hang up on the wall in life. I think what I feel most is sorry.

Sorry for the mistakes I've made, the friends I've hurt along the way, how helpless I am at taking care of myself(financially), the fact that I can't make a friend's wedding in Canada because I'm too broke to make the trip, but if I'd worked harder, I could have.

The only thing I obsess about is my past, because I still suffer the consequences to this day, and this isn't a pity party, I don't feel sorry for myself at all. But it's hard to accept my losses and move on. It sucks there's no hope of forgiveness, but it's understandable too.

Sometimes I wish maturing, growing up and learning lessons didn't result in losing people. That's life though, and in the end, if those people are okay in life today, they're happy, that's all that matters. I'm the only one stuck in my head, hating myself for the past after all. I'll get over it eventually, and let myself be happy too. I'm just not in a place in life that I can thrive and enjoy it. I'm stuck at home, with way too much time on my hands. So here we are, lol.

I'm sure a lot of folks are like that, and it can suck, but hang in there. Remember what you enjoy and focus on that. Play vidya games, work on your hobbies, focus on paying work like jobs or commissions, and accomplish goals. I know what to do, but I'm slow at it.

Oh also, if you're a person that can't play something or watch something without a youtube video in the background, consider shutting the video off and practice focusing on just one thing. You might enjoy what you do a little more if your attention isn't so divided. People don't realize how horrible they're abusing their attentions spans thanks to Youtube.

God Bless. <3

Edit: In hindsight I suppose this journal came off a bit more depressing than I intended it too, but to clarify, I'm totally fine. just letting out my inner thoughts, things that creep into my mind from time to time. Don't worry about me, I'm all good.