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Rambling about a slight dip in confidence/imposter syndro...
a year ago
[I'm typing all this out as I go along and I'm probably not gonna be coherent. Keep that in mind lol]
It's no secret that HarleyJoe's biggest fan is HarleyJoe. I think that's generally how being an artist is-- you kinda have to have a little bit of an ego to convince yourself you don't suck. But a healthy balance to being your own biggest fan is to also be your own biggest critic.
Now, forgive me when I say this but I'm going to say the most small-fur-victim-mentality I've said in a long while: I don't really rub elbows with artists. I mean sure I can talk to them, I have some form of reaching out to them online, but apart from that... I still think majority of my fellow artists just tolerate me. And that's me being nice, lol.
I don't really think a lot of artists think of me as /worth/ what I'm getting online. The amount of faves or follows I get, the watchers I have... hell I think I rubbed people the wrong way when I gave myself the CEO title as a joke. The fact that the public just kinda ran with it and no one stopped me might have been another reason why people don't like me.
I guess I just have this pre-dispositioned belief that everyone doesn't like me, so my gut reaction to that is to be my own best bodyguard and bestfriend. (ie: Nooo, you're amazing. Don't let them get you down @self) But truthfully, the only reason why I think I'm one of the best foot fetish artists out there is because I'm the one saying it. And there are days where I'm narcissistic enough to put my own word about myself above anyone else's.
... but on days where I wake up on the pessimistic side of the bed, I can think of a lot of reasons why a lot of artists don't like me. I'll try to list them down, and I KNOW I'm probably being ridiculous saying this. So keep in mind that these are all hallucinations in my head that might be true, but has no evidence to back it up.
- I draw feet. Not paws. In the furry fandom.
I feel like that alone has been a thing that kinda hindered me to go further, because god damn the amount of hate I see towards furry art but with human feet and not paws... and I'm sure there's a lot of us on the other side too where people hate paws but love feet on furries, but the fact that I can never really appeal to that side of the fandom... somedays it irks me. Not because of them, but because I just can't see myself getting behind it.
- ... is it just feet?
I don't do feet AND bondage. I don't do feet AND tickling. I don't do feet AND macro/micro. I hint at foot domination in some of my artworks but not all of it. I don't do hypno. I hint at sweaty feet and smelly feet, but I don't like doing stink lines. I don't do dirty feet because I don't know how to do it convincingly. I don't do the tandem of paw and maw. I portray some foot dom situations as a service, but I can't stand the thought of findom. I don't do anything OUTSIDE of feet. And its for that reason that I think so many people think that I'm overrated.
- The drawing is really simple, its just covered by flashy shading.
This is something I've always kinda cringed at, the fact that majority of my drawings are just... that? Nothing mind boggling. My style has been more and more refined over the years but nothing dynamic, nothing fun... its all smoke and mirrors. What I lack in exciting sketches, I make up for-- and I will defend this first bit: THE CLEANEST LINEART ON EARTH, smart color choices, and a fuckton of shading. And of course, highlighting just the feet.
- I must be really full of myself to price myself that high
Yup.I am.
Though sometimes I see other artists' prices... for example, an artist who is loads better than me at certain things, but are priced low... I look at my own work... and AGAIN, this isn't all the time. But sometimes I see my prices and think "is it really worth that much, or is it because of the watermark says 3rdharleyjoe"
I also wanna say I bare no ill-will to people who can't afford me. Art is a luxury, not a necessity.
- The meme and branding of: Who is Harley gonna draw next
There's always those people who are gonna argue that fanart isn't real art :B And at this point, apart from my possum, my characters, my love for feet-- that's all I am really. I used to have "A one-man furry foot art factory" and I think that has been me for the longest while. That's me on autopilot. Don't get me wrong, its nice to do fanart. Its nice to just be given a muse for drawing something. But I see a lot of artists struggling to get the numbers and they're either super focused on doing original art, or keeping to a certain genre of characters/setting/etc (like if some people draw cute characters, they only stick to cute characters, but you'll never see them draw monster-porn bait characters out of pure cohesion in themes with their galleries) Sometimes I feel guilty of that. Like, in terms of business, its a smart move that I branched out from Sonic characters, to anthros in other franchises, to other people's fursonas, to human characters, to monster-lover bait, etc... on the other hand, I feel like people see that as me capitalizing on my own foot style, and the ability to adapt to other characters... I dunno. Maybe cheapens it a little bit. That's just me though. That's just my brain thinking things it shouldn't be.
Back then, I used to think that if/when I get to the position I'm in now, I'd always shout out deserving artists who I think SHOULD get the attention they deserve. Nowadays, I think I do it out of guilt. A very generous way of coping with imposter syndrome, really.
Anyway, I don't know how to end this. Stream Loser, Baby on Spotify
It's no secret that HarleyJoe's biggest fan is HarleyJoe. I think that's generally how being an artist is-- you kinda have to have a little bit of an ego to convince yourself you don't suck. But a healthy balance to being your own biggest fan is to also be your own biggest critic.
Now, forgive me when I say this but I'm going to say the most small-fur-victim-mentality I've said in a long while: I don't really rub elbows with artists. I mean sure I can talk to them, I have some form of reaching out to them online, but apart from that... I still think majority of my fellow artists just tolerate me. And that's me being nice, lol.
I don't really think a lot of artists think of me as /worth/ what I'm getting online. The amount of faves or follows I get, the watchers I have... hell I think I rubbed people the wrong way when I gave myself the CEO title as a joke. The fact that the public just kinda ran with it and no one stopped me might have been another reason why people don't like me.
I guess I just have this pre-dispositioned belief that everyone doesn't like me, so my gut reaction to that is to be my own best bodyguard and bestfriend. (ie: Nooo, you're amazing. Don't let them get you down @self) But truthfully, the only reason why I think I'm one of the best foot fetish artists out there is because I'm the one saying it. And there are days where I'm narcissistic enough to put my own word about myself above anyone else's.
... but on days where I wake up on the pessimistic side of the bed, I can think of a lot of reasons why a lot of artists don't like me. I'll try to list them down, and I KNOW I'm probably being ridiculous saying this. So keep in mind that these are all hallucinations in my head that might be true, but has no evidence to back it up.
- I draw feet. Not paws. In the furry fandom.
I feel like that alone has been a thing that kinda hindered me to go further, because god damn the amount of hate I see towards furry art but with human feet and not paws... and I'm sure there's a lot of us on the other side too where people hate paws but love feet on furries, but the fact that I can never really appeal to that side of the fandom... somedays it irks me. Not because of them, but because I just can't see myself getting behind it.
- ... is it just feet?
I don't do feet AND bondage. I don't do feet AND tickling. I don't do feet AND macro/micro. I hint at foot domination in some of my artworks but not all of it. I don't do hypno. I hint at sweaty feet and smelly feet, but I don't like doing stink lines. I don't do dirty feet because I don't know how to do it convincingly. I don't do the tandem of paw and maw. I portray some foot dom situations as a service, but I can't stand the thought of findom. I don't do anything OUTSIDE of feet. And its for that reason that I think so many people think that I'm overrated.
- The drawing is really simple, its just covered by flashy shading.
This is something I've always kinda cringed at, the fact that majority of my drawings are just... that? Nothing mind boggling. My style has been more and more refined over the years but nothing dynamic, nothing fun... its all smoke and mirrors. What I lack in exciting sketches, I make up for-- and I will defend this first bit: THE CLEANEST LINEART ON EARTH, smart color choices, and a fuckton of shading. And of course, highlighting just the feet.
- I must be really full of myself to price myself that high
Yup.I am.
Though sometimes I see other artists' prices... for example, an artist who is loads better than me at certain things, but are priced low... I look at my own work... and AGAIN, this isn't all the time. But sometimes I see my prices and think "is it really worth that much, or is it because of the watermark says 3rdharleyjoe"
I also wanna say I bare no ill-will to people who can't afford me. Art is a luxury, not a necessity.
- The meme and branding of: Who is Harley gonna draw next
There's always those people who are gonna argue that fanart isn't real art :B And at this point, apart from my possum, my characters, my love for feet-- that's all I am really. I used to have "A one-man furry foot art factory" and I think that has been me for the longest while. That's me on autopilot. Don't get me wrong, its nice to do fanart. Its nice to just be given a muse for drawing something. But I see a lot of artists struggling to get the numbers and they're either super focused on doing original art, or keeping to a certain genre of characters/setting/etc (like if some people draw cute characters, they only stick to cute characters, but you'll never see them draw monster-porn bait characters out of pure cohesion in themes with their galleries) Sometimes I feel guilty of that. Like, in terms of business, its a smart move that I branched out from Sonic characters, to anthros in other franchises, to other people's fursonas, to human characters, to monster-lover bait, etc... on the other hand, I feel like people see that as me capitalizing on my own foot style, and the ability to adapt to other characters... I dunno. Maybe cheapens it a little bit. That's just me though. That's just my brain thinking things it shouldn't be.
Back then, I used to think that if/when I get to the position I'm in now, I'd always shout out deserving artists who I think SHOULD get the attention they deserve. Nowadays, I think I do it out of guilt. A very generous way of coping with imposter syndrome, really.
Anyway, I don't know how to end this. Stream Loser, Baby on Spotify
It's been years since the last time we were texting. You probably don't remember me anymore. If you wanna, you can chat with me on Discord.
Sorry for writing a bit of long response, it's just that I'm very passionate about art myself. People have to realise that art is subjective meaning not everything should appeal to their own taste. Although I haven't experienced the pressure of being a larger artist myself, I hope you do find yourself some peace as an active artist within the furry fandom.
I mean, I'm the guy who's been here for, what...more than 15 years, still struggling with subpar and mediocre art skills, plateauing with the number of views/watchers while whining and complaining about having little time for things: probably by now people must be fed up with me!...And I'm hoping my art colleagues IRL won't find my little artistic fetishy furry corner, or I'm bound to be fired and canceled for life!
Are you sure you didn't write this journal entry with me in mind? ^^
Because I don't see how people could not like you, unless if they're trolls or are simply super jealous of your skills....Okay, I'll admit I'm jealous of your skills, but in a good way: I'm jealous of many artists' skills and I use it as a way to work and improve on my own art!
But more seriously, I've never had that feeling that people on FA might be against your presence, in fact I've always had the impression you are quite an established fetish artist in the fandom: you have the skills and the audience to show for.
Impostor syndrome really does suck...I do however want to come back to a few things you've mentioned:
- Drawing feet instead of paws: I'll admit I never really realized that, and you wouldn't be the only one drawing feet. I had no idea there was such a stigma attached to it.
- Drawing just feet: I see it is a strength more than a con, and I'm gonna try switching into that type of art. The more niche your art is, the greater the risk of running out of ideas, scenarios and just motivation. It happened to me with tickling, which led to my burnout. And for these past months, I've been thinking "well, when I'll get back to drawing, I'll try to do what Harley does: he's smart, he's doing something that works, and I could avoid more burnout!" XD
- The drawing is really simple: dude, you've improved at an alarming speed. You're already running circles around me and I'm wondering how the heck I'm supposed to improve my poor drawing skills. XD
- About pricing: I feel the same with my art, to the point it's one of the reasons I don't like taking commissions...Because I think I'm scamming my customers. But ultimately, if the customers are happy and willing to pay, and other artists tell you your art looks pro...Well, that's all you need to know. And never lower your prices!
Anyway, you're doing fine (I think). So keep doing what you do. :)
Tbh, back when I started getting into this specific sphere, I felt like I had to appeal to everybody to get somewhere in all this. I tried a lot of things, some stuck, a LOT didn't, and that resulted in complications with many, MANY individuals throughout the years.
Hell, to this day I still feel like I've not fully settled on who I am in all of this, I still question what it is about me that stands out from others, and how other folks perceive me in good and bad ways, but seeing this journal post is definitely making me think about it in a sorta... new way. Plus it's kinda nice when one of the 'big league' folks opens up and discusses this kinda stuff, makes for some nice connection.
Just so ya know, I've always greatly respected you (and still do) for how you've grown throughout the years, the fact you were the one of the first FA artists I ran into and got to interact with for a bit was an exciting moment for me, and it's been fun watching you develop into what you got going on now. In terms of the 'hurdle' thing, I'm not a guy who tends to question much about others in regards to their success, but I can understand that I may or may not be an exception rather than the supposed norm.
We all have our introspective days, good and bad. What you got is unique and special to you, and I'm happy that you're happy with it, and even show a bit of pride in it. I know that the idea of being 'proud' in this sphere tends to instil fear in some, thinking it plants the seed for some *real* small-dick shit, but that depends on the person, and in your case, I don't see the worry.
Like one of the other guys here said, art's subjective, not objective. That's what makes it feel like magic in a sense imo, especially with how art can represent personal growth. I just don't like it when people greatly misunderstand that and thus, try to make some artists do shit that is just... never gonna be part of them. I hate that I had to develop my current boundaries from several bad first-hand experiences, and thus dealing with so many conflicts because of my development, because by then I'm not what some folks want me to be, whether it's certain kinks I do or don't draw, how I price my shit, how I interact with others, etc. It sucks that it had to happen like that, but that's just how it be from what I feel.
Sometimes the doubts will creep in, but that's just how shit's gonna be. I'm sure it'll pass you by with enough time, and you're probably sure of that too, but I ain't gonna safely bet on that, cuz I ain't psychic lol.
Hopefully this was a good read to ya, man, and if you ever want to reach out, you know where to find me. (ofc, totally down to you, I don't mind what happens just as long as you're happy doing your thing)
I do see your worries, as well as your realizations on how you go with your own art. And I'll admit I'm more of a foot than paw guy... good mixes are nice tho!
Your style did evolve a lot and it looks greato, I'm sure many can approve that
Fan art IS art, dangit!
Unless you use AI, then please let me destroy your computer xD
...eh. Regarding what people stick to "because this genre works"... I don't wanna talk about it. I'm not sure what people want from me lel
But hey, expanding is good. It also means you get to challenge yourself by having fun making official chars with different style but on YOUR style.
Regarding how people perceive you... Well, between those thoughts, there might also be a bit of random fear of reaching out. I know something about it. Along with the feeling of not being good as other see you as.
But to be honest, I don't see why someone would hate you .3.'
Then again, drama for petty things is the norm in the furry fandom, right?
If people really too that CEO of Feet thing at heart, something's wrong with them lel
I can't speak for others, but I rarely reach out to other artists because I figure (1) they're busy making art and (2) I'm not sure what I'd say to them versus what any other fan would say.
For you specifically: I think the "CEO of Feet" thing is funny (in a good way) and I feel like the confidence it shows is earned. Your stuff has been fun even back when you were doing a lot of Sonic fanart and still getting a feel for your art, and you improve noticeably year by year. Darn right you should ask for a high price for your pictures! So many artists underprice and struggle financially. Your stuff's worth it.
I can definitely say that clean lineart and good color choices are what I like about your style!
As far as what you draw? I like both feet and paws in art, so I can't exactly get in the head of people that like one or the other, but there's a ton of artists that do paws, but few that do feet and do them well, and I'm sure more people appreciate that than you might think! You are one of the best foot fetish artists around. Also, because I'm into feet without being into bondage/stank/macro/etc, finding artists to follow can be a minefield, so for me, it's a plus that your art is often geared more towards appreciating how hot feet can be.
I'm hoping you'll get to feeling the confidence you deserve to feel!
Regarding all the rest?
Honestly, I’d say that you’ve reached a damn impressive niche. Is it a pinnacle of all talent? No, but that’s something that you’re always working on. I swear that there’s something new each time that you do a new piece of fetish art. It’s something that I can’t always narrow down what it is, but it feels like you’re either trying something new or mastering something new each time that you post something.
Same with the ‘just feet’ thing. It’s a thing that you like doing, and it’s a thing that you’re good at doing, and you know this is what you like doing. Nothing wrong with that. Sure, there’s going to be a certain focus that you’re going to have to keep with that, and it’s going to be a little more limited, but that just requires a certain skill to keep going.
And you got that.
Overall, thanks for sharing your general grumbles with yourself. Always good to see someone’s other side, and while I envy the confident side, I know this other one all too well.
Good luck.
As far as feeling hindered in the furry art fandom because of what you draw, I think you make incredible content. You have, in my opinion, a recognizable brand in furry foot fetish fandom, and there is clearly and audience for feet on anthros.
I personally haven't heard people criticize artists for not drawing paws. Granted I tend to stick to my relatively calm section of the fandom and don't see the crazier stuff unless someone brings it up to me.
I return to that question of why I make art. I like doing it and creating art helped me learn about myself and connect with others. I've made some amazing friends in the fandom through connecting over art. I've had some mishaps. Everyone does. I still keep going.
You are doing great, Harley, and you have my support.
Plus I only like feet a lil bit
tiny bit
Seeing you proudly display your talents and title is something that is very inspiring to me. It's the attitude that I want to strive for and be comfortable with. When I see confident artist who know their stuff is great I stare in awe but feel too intimidated to actually approach.
I feel as though I am unworthy or I'll be a bother. I am but I smol artist(Something Im getting better at overcoming) Though even though Ive thought this way I've never disliked you ever! Your art is a literal treat to look at. Although I may be abit bias cause I love both feet and paws hehe.
Also they're nothing wrong with branding yourself CEO. Being your own cheerleader is a nice mindset to have, something I need to develop. I know we've brushed elbows only on a few occasions but itd be fun to chat again soon.
Thanks for sharing Harley! Keep up the good work!
You have you own brand and your own style that's been refined over a decade's worth of hard work, dedication and passion for what you like most. I genuinely don't think the fact that most of your art is flat-color is a negative in any way. Your compositions, your posing, your color theory, those are why I like your art the most (of course feet aside). Personally, I like what you do because I like what you do. Period. You also know how to capture emotions REALLY well.
Maybe you just feel the need to branch out a bit more, and if so that's okay. But don't feel like you owe anyone anything; keep doin' you baby