Most people in this country are getting into the holiday spirit right about now.

I, on the other hand, am the proverbial Grinch.

I was really hoping this year would be different. I was really hoping that maybe, just maybe, I'd have a pleasant

month, and things would go well enough that I could afford to go to a holiday party with my mate, and maybe see

the side of my family to whom I am not a black sheep for a couple of days, and when I got back, maybe be able

to further my business prospects.

Right now though, I'd be happy to have two gallons of gasoline, and a functioning water supply. My home has

neither, and I'm getting blamed for it.

After so much time around my mother I really should be expecting that everything, ultimately, is my fault. That

mom losing the water bill and forgetting it needed paying was somehow my fault. That even though I've managed

to get her, by some miracle, through 300 miles of commuting this week without her having to put a goddamn DIME

in the gas tank, it's gonna be my fucking fault when I can't go pick her up from work. And I can't take my roomie to

go donate plasma, either, I can't make a 20 mile trip on under half a gallon of gas.

And what that means is that dinner tonight, and very possibly D&D, are out of the question. I'm never going to hear

the end of this bullshit.

Mom was late for work this morning and it was my fault, because she wouldn't get up and let the dogs out before

calling my phone TWELVE TIMES and waiting until she had less than the necessary amount of time for me to drive

her to her job. AND I STILL GOT HER THERE EXACTLY ON TIME.
But it doesn't matter. It's my fault for being goddamned exhausted trying to make everything work while going the

entire week without any caffiene, rationed bottled water, no working toilet in the house, no shower. I'm dehydrated

and we've got four bottles of water left in the place. My head is killing me twice over because I'm withdrawing from

caffiene. I can't really cook anything because there are no clean dishes left.

To top it all off, Mom's going to the party she wants to go to tonight. She gets to go have fun and maybe win

something big and expensive. The grand Prize is a cruise.
I don't get to go to mine.
Fuck I don't even know what I'm going to eat.

I'm very tempted to just go tranq myself into oblivion.

I can't do emergency commissions or anything like that, and there's no reason to. It doesn't matter how much fuss

I make it's probably going to be next week before we have running water again, because if I don't pay the bill

before about 2pm, maybe 4 at the latest, it's not getting done till monday at the very earliest. And as surely as i'm

sitting here bitching and moaning while the world's smallest violin plays "My heart bleeds for you" in the

background, something will come up and make all my worrying for naught, because that's how it always happens.


Sometimes, I really wonder about my life. *shakes head* -_-;;