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Love Life Vent Incoming
a year ago
I'm aware I'm making yet another journal other awkward straight guys complained about and potentially making myself unappealing but this is a recurring frustration and anxiety about sharing my life with a partner not just in the furry fandom but generally.
I'm aware that I'm still young enough to find a girlfriend, but as the years pass me by the fear of never finding myself a significant other grows stronger. It's not that I never had a date before but I've never had a successful date that followed up a genuine attempt to connect.
Every time I ask for dating advice from successful couples it's always the same conclusion: Don't. As in "don't look for love because it will only find you." Ironic because if I'm desperate for love then that seems like I'm doomed to forever repel anyone I have romantic interest.
I look at straight couples and clap for them. I often admit my jealousy of what they have. I often look to myself trying to fight the intrusive thoughts that I'm not good enough for any woman whether it's financial security, attractive behavior or loyalty to be a supportive man.
I always knew there needs to be more than kindness, respect and communication in a working relationship. There needs to be intrigue, competency and openness to maintain that level of trust for both parties which is something I don't think I have.
For as long as I've remembered I've been told by my friends and family that I've had creep tendencies whenever I approach women I easily become infatuated with. I never had parental figures guide me on how to shoot my shot with potential love interests and I've always been weird.
I've always fantasized about the idea of having the love of my life and raising children together, but I'm always scared how I would ruin being the perfect father let alone the perfect husband with my frugal, absent-minded and bizarre personality. Doesn't help I draw fetish art.
This whole journal may make me sound entitled which is not what I wanted to convey but rather to voice my feelings and vulnerability about how I perceived myself towards friends, acquaintances and strangers. I appreciate anyone that has taken the time of their day reading my vent.
Pardon the sudden and unsolicitedtrauma overthinking dumping if that's what it's called (Edit: This isn't actually trauma, sorry for using that term too loosely). I'm just exhausted from work and got jealous of one of my co-workers today. I'll be resuming art as soon as tomorrow after a good night's rest! Thank you all for being patient with me!! 🥰
Update continuation here.
I'm aware that I'm still young enough to find a girlfriend, but as the years pass me by the fear of never finding myself a significant other grows stronger. It's not that I never had a date before but I've never had a successful date that followed up a genuine attempt to connect.
Every time I ask for dating advice from successful couples it's always the same conclusion: Don't. As in "don't look for love because it will only find you." Ironic because if I'm desperate for love then that seems like I'm doomed to forever repel anyone I have romantic interest.
I look at straight couples and clap for them. I often admit my jealousy of what they have. I often look to myself trying to fight the intrusive thoughts that I'm not good enough for any woman whether it's financial security, attractive behavior or loyalty to be a supportive man.
I always knew there needs to be more than kindness, respect and communication in a working relationship. There needs to be intrigue, competency and openness to maintain that level of trust for both parties which is something I don't think I have.
For as long as I've remembered I've been told by my friends and family that I've had creep tendencies whenever I approach women I easily become infatuated with. I never had parental figures guide me on how to shoot my shot with potential love interests and I've always been weird.
I've always fantasized about the idea of having the love of my life and raising children together, but I'm always scared how I would ruin being the perfect father let alone the perfect husband with my frugal, absent-minded and bizarre personality. Doesn't help I draw fetish art.
This whole journal may make me sound entitled which is not what I wanted to convey but rather to voice my feelings and vulnerability about how I perceived myself towards friends, acquaintances and strangers. I appreciate anyone that has taken the time of their day reading my vent.
Pardon the sudden and unsolicited
Update continuation here.
I have this issue of overthinking and feeling like my other faults are what can drag me down, but in reality I haven't been given the opportunity to see if those anxieties and concerns are invalid or not. On a good day I'm reminded of what I like about myself, and all I really need is a healthy meal and a good night's rest to recover my mental health.
Thank you for your input.
The best one could hope for in shooting a shot is a steady and confident aim at the right target.
So I guess reworking what places, times, and manners one makes themself available might boost the odds? All while being genuine of course. It takes work to be attractive.
I can see the discouragement watching the years roll by, I'm approaching 28 myself and see no signs of things suddenly blossoming with a stranger. I guess it's a struggle not to overthink about it.
Hoping you find fulfillment of the soul and rest in this busy world.