Kile, you’re learning and you’re growing and that is what matters.
Keeping control of those commas to make concrete sentences and growing in your description and repeat sentence structure.

Your stories have heart and purpose, even if being fanfiction. Though, fallout is very capable of that.

“Also, I don’t really want to waste anyone’s time but is anyone here able to review one of my stories and give it honest critique?”

*Sock puppet turns and stares menacingly. * Do I exist?

1. Look at your commas. Check both sides of it. It’s a skill you’re going to have to develop.

If you’re not sure, you can stick it in here and find out 90% of the time. Don’t use it as a crutch because the more your able to do it yourself the stronger the writer you become.

2. Look at how many times you start with a character name and when you do it back-to-back to back. That’s a time to start elsewise.

Wow, I’ve never been menacingly stared at by a sock puppet before, didn’t even know that was even possible. I’m guessing you would like to review my story?

1) I’ve gotten better with my commas…haven’t I?

2) I think I have the name thing I have under control, it’s just my “she” and “he” I like to repeat for some reason and it’s something that really bothers me.

I am beginning to see those changes, but not perfect yet.

Review and critique for me are different things. You don't want a review from me, nothing good comes from that direction.

Yeah, Hopefully one day I can get better.

May I ask what you mean or should we continue this conversation in notes?

Review means its reviewed as it were finished and officially published. It gets a rating.

So what story do you want looked at ?

https://prowritingaid.com/punctuation-checker

*smiles... what Helix said...

I found that combining editing into the writing process helps me a lot... it also saves a lot of time.

Vix