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Spilling my guts
a year ago
General
Heeya everyone,,
How are you all doing? :hug::heart: Hope you're doing well 🫂 I know it's been some time since I've actually sat down and written something. Quick warning ahead: it's gonna be me venting out my emotions and propably gonna be a long post. So, please don't feel pressured to read it if you're not in a good place yourself. Just wanna keep you all safe ❤️
It's currently 23:15 pm over here so it might also be the tiredness catching up on me. Have been having therapy sessions fo the past month now and things are... rough to say the least. We're discussing some deep rooted traumatic events from my past and boy, that shit still cuts deep. It causes me to have sleepless nights and not having to have much energy left throughout the day.
Few weeks ago I decided to make an sfw account as well, thinking it would bring me some new, fresh energy to make art over here as well. But yeah... that didn't work out as well as I planned. Idk what this thing is in my mind, I always end up drawing stuff for other people (which I genuinely love to do, don't get me wrong!!!) Did spend hours upon hours to get into it, hyped how people would react. But it ended up causing me to make a drawing for someone that I really look up to but it didn't get any responce from them. I know they are probaply super busy and such, which I can totally understand. But it left a real sour taste with me.
It caused me to doubt myself even more. Do people like my stuff? Is it good enough? Am I only drawing things for people to please them? Is drawings still fun for me? I keep in trying and trying and trying to get into a better mind state and just to move passed this feeling of ''not belonging'' and ''why keep drawing? Your art is trash''.
Even going as far to question myself as a human being. Am I interactive enough? Am I not pushing people away? Am I overracting to all of this? Is it okay to feel hurt about this, eventhough it might seem small? And I hate, I. HATE. FEELING. like this, cause it doesn't seem reasonable to feel this ass about it. I always don't want people to view me as a ''whiny baby that didn't get what they thought''. I just don't know... almost feel stupid for writing this. Think things just need time to heal and therapist already told me the therapy would be hell.
Have you guys ever experienced something similar like this before as well? Could really use your view on things 🫂
Wanna apologise for dumping this vomit of emotions on here, but felt like I could tell you all and maybe have some more clearer view after this. For now, I'm off to bed. Sleep seems to calm my mind down, if my body allows me to get some.
Really love you all so so much and appriciate each and everyone of you ❤️
Stay safe, embrace your loved ones and if you're going though something yourself as well: You got this 🫂❤️ Nighty night ❤️
How are you all doing? :hug::heart: Hope you're doing well 🫂 I know it's been some time since I've actually sat down and written something. Quick warning ahead: it's gonna be me venting out my emotions and propably gonna be a long post. So, please don't feel pressured to read it if you're not in a good place yourself. Just wanna keep you all safe ❤️
It's currently 23:15 pm over here so it might also be the tiredness catching up on me. Have been having therapy sessions fo the past month now and things are... rough to say the least. We're discussing some deep rooted traumatic events from my past and boy, that shit still cuts deep. It causes me to have sleepless nights and not having to have much energy left throughout the day.
Few weeks ago I decided to make an sfw account as well, thinking it would bring me some new, fresh energy to make art over here as well. But yeah... that didn't work out as well as I planned. Idk what this thing is in my mind, I always end up drawing stuff for other people (which I genuinely love to do, don't get me wrong!!!) Did spend hours upon hours to get into it, hyped how people would react. But it ended up causing me to make a drawing for someone that I really look up to but it didn't get any responce from them. I know they are probaply super busy and such, which I can totally understand. But it left a real sour taste with me.
It caused me to doubt myself even more. Do people like my stuff? Is it good enough? Am I only drawing things for people to please them? Is drawings still fun for me? I keep in trying and trying and trying to get into a better mind state and just to move passed this feeling of ''not belonging'' and ''why keep drawing? Your art is trash''.
Even going as far to question myself as a human being. Am I interactive enough? Am I not pushing people away? Am I overracting to all of this? Is it okay to feel hurt about this, eventhough it might seem small? And I hate, I. HATE. FEELING. like this, cause it doesn't seem reasonable to feel this ass about it. I always don't want people to view me as a ''whiny baby that didn't get what they thought''. I just don't know... almost feel stupid for writing this. Think things just need time to heal and therapist already told me the therapy would be hell.
Have you guys ever experienced something similar like this before as well? Could really use your view on things 🫂
Wanna apologise for dumping this vomit of emotions on here, but felt like I could tell you all and maybe have some more clearer view after this. For now, I'm off to bed. Sleep seems to calm my mind down, if my body allows me to get some.
Really love you all so so much and appriciate each and everyone of you ❤️
Stay safe, embrace your loved ones and if you're going though something yourself as well: You got this 🫂❤️ Nighty night ❤️
As for everything else... I'm not amazing with this kind of thing but I'm always here if you need to talk.. we are friends after all