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More on "Infinifennec" project / Important words to share
a year ago
...and of course, this time when I say "Important", I mean the words of fat activist Aubrey Gordon on the double-eged sword of only using portraying and exploring fat lives through the gaze of "fetish"/"kink" and not my OWN words but we'll get to that when we get to that.
So first off, obviously my Retrospring is still open for submissions for the "Infinifennec" project - at https://retrospring.net/@Infinifennec - and I thank folk for what they've sent so far as they're great questions for Nell to explore later. But I had been prodded by a very good friend lately on when and how those questions would be answered and realising this is a bit of an unusual way to go about this that I may of opened up sooner than would be more useful otherwise, I decided to "soft-announce" what this thing is all about.
A lot of stuff is up in the air in terms of how I'm presenting this beyond the writing and what kind of upload pattern to go with, if any, but the "Infinifennec" project...is something of a comic series. Or an ongoing art project based around Nell and those around her's perspectives as their own people and as they are with each other. Either way, I'm aiming for it to be something of a casual slice-of-life thing. A window into Nell and those around her's thoughts and feelings, while aiming to try and make the kind of positive unjudgmental representation for Infinifat people beyond a certain weight threshold that I and many would wish they'd see in the world more often. Sometimes there'd be a light sprinkling of appropriate humour, other times there'll be earnestness. I feel like with that, I'd not only get to do more with Nell and express through her more, but doing something with fatfur art that I feel is still massively underutilised, something more than just "look how big they are, isn't that something?".
The questions asked through the Retrospring page that I feel are worth answering back to by Nell, to which atm I can comfortably feel all but MAYBE one I've recieved up to me writing this will all get to be included, will serve as springboards for new entries in this series where the entry is focused on what Nell answers with and any other info related. It's no guarentee that if you ask Nell something, it'll 110% be included in the comic and all askers will be uncredited on the series for the sake of keeping focus on the characters rather than naming other real users of something else...but I really do appreciate every good entry to this I get, to which so far I'm fortunate with all entries so far being such good quality in their ways.
I feel what may help is finally getting more characters introduced before the series properly begins: Nell's Mum, Nell's Dad, Nell's older brother, her Head Nurse/Best Friend Outside of the Internet (or usually the internet), etc. And I want to and WILL sometime soon. Fatigue, sleep pattern problems and difficulties adapting to Summer weather have made this harder lately but I strongly want to fast-track this soon. I'm excited with these ideas more than anything I've done in the fandom for a really long time, so I'm looking forward to having them materialise.
---
That's the main me-focused part of this journal done. I wanted to share an extra look into the stuff I've been reading as part of my concious retooling of how I write and talk about fat positivity. Given the weird hangups people in the community have had for a few years lumping fat representation and expression as "kink"/"fetish" materials (limiting and problematic terms IMHO), Aubrey Gordon's words on the double-edged sword of lumping fat expressions of desire and love under "fat fetishism" rather than something more normalising to me seem like essential reading for everyone who cares about wanting to not accidentally help stoke the flames of fatphobia on this stuff...
From Aubrey Gordon's "What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat". CW: Undetailed mentions of sexual abuse and general talk about fatphobic discrimination.
" When attraction to fat people is discussed, fetishism is never far behind. Fetishism isn't in itself necessarily pathological; fetishes can be as simple as consensual kinks, particularly intense attractions, or simple preferences. But when fetishism is brought up with respect to fat attraction, it gathers like a storm cloud.
To be clear, there are attractions to fatness that take such specific forms that they are undeniably fetishistic. Feeders, for example, long to feed their "feedee" fat partners, deriving pleasure from watching their fat partner eat and, in some cases, from watching them gain more and more weight. Squash fetishes, on the other hand, indicate a desire to be sat on or pinned beneath their partner's fat body.
Some fat people happily engage with these fetishes and find fulfillment (or paid work) in their role. Some do not. But many fat people have felt fetishism thrust upon them without their consent.
Fat fetishism has deep roots for many fat people, especially fat women. For some, size, desire, shame, and sex are a rat's nest, hopelessly tangled together.
People who internalize anti-fat stereotypes-including the pervasive cultural belief that fat people are categorically unattractive or unlovable-are more likely to binge eat, as are survivors of sexual assault. Fat acceptance spaces frequently include heartbreaking stories of people whose relationships were kept secret by their partners. Worse still, some tell stories about working up the courage to share their experiences of sexual assault only to be categorically disbelieved. Given the pervasiveness of their experiences, is it any wonder that some fat people come to experience anyone else's desire for them as predatory?
Of course, not all fat people have lived these sex and relationship horror stories. But many of us have become so acculturated to them that we come to describe the vast majority of fat attraction as fat fetishism. When fat sex and dating are discussed, there's rarely room for simple attraction. But thin people are frequently attracted to other thin people without garnering suspicion of fetishism. They may find themselves drawn to brown-haired people, muscle-bound bodies, or tall partners. They can speak freely of the physical characteristics they like best: chiseled jawlines, long hair, slim legs. In the world of thin people, these are types, a physical attraction so universal that it is neutral.
Everyone, we are told, has a type. But if a thin person is reliably attracted to fat people, that type curdles and becomes something less trustworthy: a fetish. Fat people are so categorically undesirable, we`re told, that any attraction to us must speak to a darker urge or some unchecked appetite.
There's no question that fat sexuality can be riddled with power imbalances and predatory behavior. But why is a healthy, natural attraction to fat bodies so difficult for us collectively to believe? Why do we so readily accept that thin bodies are universally desired and lovable, while so certainly rejecting the same prospect for fat bodies? Is there room to love the look of fat bodies without dropping into the sinister territory implied by a fat fetish? Can fat bodies be desired without becoming pathological?
In a world so insistent that fat attraction is impossible, fat folks can end up experiencing all attraction as fetishism. And the culture around us reinforces that at every turn. The few fat love stories we see are fat people dating other fat people, usually in shared weight loss or food addiction programs, as with "Mike & Molly" or "This Is Us". Fat people aren't just surrounded by pathology; our bodies are seen as manifestations of it.
We assume most-if not all-fat attraction is pathological. Even some of us with a deep commitment to body positivity and fat acceptance speak in hushed tones about fat fetishism and the shame of realizing we're dating a chaser, a feeder, or a fat admirer.
But when we do that, we imply that only thin people are worthy of genuine attraction-that, like health, happiness and success, love can only be earned by thinness. Our inability to distinguish predatory sexual appetites from everyday desire ends up reinforcing the false idea that thin people lead fuller lives, deserve more, are more loved and more desirable.
[...] I reject the notion that fat attraction is necessarily a fetish: something deviant, tawdry, vulgar, or dangerous. I choose to believe that my body is worthy of love - the electric warmth of real, full love. In many ways, its not that simple. But in some ways, it is. I choose to believe that I am lovable, as is my body, just as both are today.
I believe that I deserve to be loved in my body, not in spite of it. My body is not an inconvenience, a shameful fact, or an unfortunate truth. Desiring my body is not a pathological act. And I'm not alone. Despite the never-ending headwinds, fat people around the world find and forge the relationships they want. There is no road map, so we become cartographers, charting some new land for ourselves. We live extraordinary lives, beloved by our families, partners, communities. Fat people fall wildly in love. Fat people get married. Fat people have phenomenal sex. Fat people are impossibly happy. Those fat people live in defiance of the expectations set forth for them. Their fat lives are glorious and beautiful things, vibrant and beyond the reach of what the rest of us have been trained to imagine. Let's imagine more. " - Aubrey Gordon
So first off, obviously my Retrospring is still open for submissions for the "Infinifennec" project - at https://retrospring.net/@Infinifennec - and I thank folk for what they've sent so far as they're great questions for Nell to explore later. But I had been prodded by a very good friend lately on when and how those questions would be answered and realising this is a bit of an unusual way to go about this that I may of opened up sooner than would be more useful otherwise, I decided to "soft-announce" what this thing is all about.
A lot of stuff is up in the air in terms of how I'm presenting this beyond the writing and what kind of upload pattern to go with, if any, but the "Infinifennec" project...is something of a comic series. Or an ongoing art project based around Nell and those around her's perspectives as their own people and as they are with each other. Either way, I'm aiming for it to be something of a casual slice-of-life thing. A window into Nell and those around her's thoughts and feelings, while aiming to try and make the kind of positive unjudgmental representation for Infinifat people beyond a certain weight threshold that I and many would wish they'd see in the world more often. Sometimes there'd be a light sprinkling of appropriate humour, other times there'll be earnestness. I feel like with that, I'd not only get to do more with Nell and express through her more, but doing something with fatfur art that I feel is still massively underutilised, something more than just "look how big they are, isn't that something?".
The questions asked through the Retrospring page that I feel are worth answering back to by Nell, to which atm I can comfortably feel all but MAYBE one I've recieved up to me writing this will all get to be included, will serve as springboards for new entries in this series where the entry is focused on what Nell answers with and any other info related. It's no guarentee that if you ask Nell something, it'll 110% be included in the comic and all askers will be uncredited on the series for the sake of keeping focus on the characters rather than naming other real users of something else...but I really do appreciate every good entry to this I get, to which so far I'm fortunate with all entries so far being such good quality in their ways.
I feel what may help is finally getting more characters introduced before the series properly begins: Nell's Mum, Nell's Dad, Nell's older brother, her Head Nurse/Best Friend Outside of the Internet (or usually the internet), etc. And I want to and WILL sometime soon. Fatigue, sleep pattern problems and difficulties adapting to Summer weather have made this harder lately but I strongly want to fast-track this soon. I'm excited with these ideas more than anything I've done in the fandom for a really long time, so I'm looking forward to having them materialise.
---
That's the main me-focused part of this journal done. I wanted to share an extra look into the stuff I've been reading as part of my concious retooling of how I write and talk about fat positivity. Given the weird hangups people in the community have had for a few years lumping fat representation and expression as "kink"/"fetish" materials (limiting and problematic terms IMHO), Aubrey Gordon's words on the double-edged sword of lumping fat expressions of desire and love under "fat fetishism" rather than something more normalising to me seem like essential reading for everyone who cares about wanting to not accidentally help stoke the flames of fatphobia on this stuff...
From Aubrey Gordon's "What We Don't Talk About When We Talk About Fat". CW: Undetailed mentions of sexual abuse and general talk about fatphobic discrimination.
" When attraction to fat people is discussed, fetishism is never far behind. Fetishism isn't in itself necessarily pathological; fetishes can be as simple as consensual kinks, particularly intense attractions, or simple preferences. But when fetishism is brought up with respect to fat attraction, it gathers like a storm cloud.
To be clear, there are attractions to fatness that take such specific forms that they are undeniably fetishistic. Feeders, for example, long to feed their "feedee" fat partners, deriving pleasure from watching their fat partner eat and, in some cases, from watching them gain more and more weight. Squash fetishes, on the other hand, indicate a desire to be sat on or pinned beneath their partner's fat body.
Some fat people happily engage with these fetishes and find fulfillment (or paid work) in their role. Some do not. But many fat people have felt fetishism thrust upon them without their consent.
Fat fetishism has deep roots for many fat people, especially fat women. For some, size, desire, shame, and sex are a rat's nest, hopelessly tangled together.
People who internalize anti-fat stereotypes-including the pervasive cultural belief that fat people are categorically unattractive or unlovable-are more likely to binge eat, as are survivors of sexual assault. Fat acceptance spaces frequently include heartbreaking stories of people whose relationships were kept secret by their partners. Worse still, some tell stories about working up the courage to share their experiences of sexual assault only to be categorically disbelieved. Given the pervasiveness of their experiences, is it any wonder that some fat people come to experience anyone else's desire for them as predatory?
Of course, not all fat people have lived these sex and relationship horror stories. But many of us have become so acculturated to them that we come to describe the vast majority of fat attraction as fat fetishism. When fat sex and dating are discussed, there's rarely room for simple attraction. But thin people are frequently attracted to other thin people without garnering suspicion of fetishism. They may find themselves drawn to brown-haired people, muscle-bound bodies, or tall partners. They can speak freely of the physical characteristics they like best: chiseled jawlines, long hair, slim legs. In the world of thin people, these are types, a physical attraction so universal that it is neutral.
Everyone, we are told, has a type. But if a thin person is reliably attracted to fat people, that type curdles and becomes something less trustworthy: a fetish. Fat people are so categorically undesirable, we`re told, that any attraction to us must speak to a darker urge or some unchecked appetite.
There's no question that fat sexuality can be riddled with power imbalances and predatory behavior. But why is a healthy, natural attraction to fat bodies so difficult for us collectively to believe? Why do we so readily accept that thin bodies are universally desired and lovable, while so certainly rejecting the same prospect for fat bodies? Is there room to love the look of fat bodies without dropping into the sinister territory implied by a fat fetish? Can fat bodies be desired without becoming pathological?
In a world so insistent that fat attraction is impossible, fat folks can end up experiencing all attraction as fetishism. And the culture around us reinforces that at every turn. The few fat love stories we see are fat people dating other fat people, usually in shared weight loss or food addiction programs, as with "Mike & Molly" or "This Is Us". Fat people aren't just surrounded by pathology; our bodies are seen as manifestations of it.
We assume most-if not all-fat attraction is pathological. Even some of us with a deep commitment to body positivity and fat acceptance speak in hushed tones about fat fetishism and the shame of realizing we're dating a chaser, a feeder, or a fat admirer.
But when we do that, we imply that only thin people are worthy of genuine attraction-that, like health, happiness and success, love can only be earned by thinness. Our inability to distinguish predatory sexual appetites from everyday desire ends up reinforcing the false idea that thin people lead fuller lives, deserve more, are more loved and more desirable.
[...] I reject the notion that fat attraction is necessarily a fetish: something deviant, tawdry, vulgar, or dangerous. I choose to believe that my body is worthy of love - the electric warmth of real, full love. In many ways, its not that simple. But in some ways, it is. I choose to believe that I am lovable, as is my body, just as both are today.
I believe that I deserve to be loved in my body, not in spite of it. My body is not an inconvenience, a shameful fact, or an unfortunate truth. Desiring my body is not a pathological act. And I'm not alone. Despite the never-ending headwinds, fat people around the world find and forge the relationships they want. There is no road map, so we become cartographers, charting some new land for ourselves. We live extraordinary lives, beloved by our families, partners, communities. Fat people fall wildly in love. Fat people get married. Fat people have phenomenal sex. Fat people are impossibly happy. Those fat people live in defiance of the expectations set forth for them. Their fat lives are glorious and beautiful things, vibrant and beyond the reach of what the rest of us have been trained to imagine. Let's imagine more. " - Aubrey Gordon
