Hhhhh..... nothing’s gone right for me this year.

Between my grandma’s continuing bout with Alzheimer’s, my friend basically giving up on his mom who’s been spiralling downwards for a while, my dad’s ex’s drinking STILL being a constant issue, the fears of me and my mom possibly losing our place because we stuck our necks out for her best friend (friend’s mom) and now we’re basically getting screwed over because of it, the never-ending bouts of miscommunication and arguments with my dad, having to wait and wait and wait to get paid while my dad’s bragging about all the shiny new truck parts and other stuff he’s got while STILL showing no initiative to pay me on time or help me get the computer I was promised when I graduated in fucking 2009 while dad’s ex who also works with us gets paid almost immediately and talks about her new glasses/phone/dentures/etc to me, oblivious to the fact that my dad has literally spent more time and money on helping her and her family than his own biological son and doesn’t seem to grasp that she’s essentially bragging to me that she gets whatever she wants, despite the 50+ times she’s been drunk enough to cause problems or property damage..... Where was I even going with this?


Yeah, I’ve got like, no motivation for anything anymore and it’s been getting worse and worse as time goes on as shit in my life keeps going downhill. I still owe my half of a trade with  goblinvoid , still owe a story to  SkunkKitsune1 and my boyfriend  Redsuns433 , there’s like, 14 pics without descriptions. I still have a beautiful commission from  Noctibus that  Eclipse32 got with me and  flibolimay that I need to post along with accompanying description. I wanted to do something special for reaching 420 Watchers a couple months back, but that was the day my grandma wandered out by herself and got lost for 3 hours while me and my dad were scouring all over the city in a panic! So much shit I wanted to do that I either have to keep putting on hold or can’t even attempt to do because there’s always some sort of bullshit going on irl for me. Which fucking sucks, because there’s just so much shit that I’ve missed out on that it feels like there’s no point even trying to keep up.

Even if I got my computer this very second, I’m still looking at a minimum of a year before I’ll be even somewhat competent enough to make a 5 second animation.[/b]


Any knowledge I’ve had about computers over the years us basically non-existent at this point because there’s been so many new programs and changes to programs over the years. Meanwhile the only computers I ever owned were refurbished, preused bricks that’re already loaded with so much malware and bs that it takes 10 minutes just to load a blank Google page. Any pictures I draw and photograph with my phone just turn sideways and the thumbnail is just permabroken as a result, can’t use my dad’s dying, obsolete laptop to upload things because “he doesn’t want me giving the computer a virus from playing games™️“ while he’s clicking on flashing banners on porn sites and not updating shit. Hell, DeviantArt stopped working for my phone recently so it’s only a matter of time before FA follows suit, so maybe it’s for the best.


I want to apologize for all of the people who I’ve failed to fulfill my promises to (especially  goblinvoid! Seriously, the number of times I’ve tried to add to your story only to have some sort of crazy bullshit me away was too numerous to count. I should’ve just buckled down and focused on finishing it for you but I wanted to be in the proper mindset to deliver you a quality story instead of a mediocre one, but even something terrible is better than nothing at all, I suppose... 😔). I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen going forward, I just.... I don’t know anymore.

I’m sorry...