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State of the Voop 8/1/24 - Deeper into the pit
a year ago
Hey all. I just need to vent.
I got turned down for another remote training job. A job I was in the final interview for, and I was not told why I was not selected. This was the best I could possibly do, and it was still not enough.
I have the feeling that my age, weight, and lame leg is going to prevent me from getting any employment. It doesn't matter I have over two decades worth of training and work experience. It doesn't matter that I still have a work ethic. Nobody wants to fucking hire me. Nobody will give me a chance. I've done almost 300 applications since the start of this year. I've done about 20 interviews since May. I've applied in town, remotely, with assistance groups, temp agencies... nothing. Not a one.
When I left my job, I felt relieved and confident that people would want my experience. But now I wonder... did I do the right thing? Yes, the job was grinding me into the dirt. But so is this. At least I'd get ground into the dirt with a paycheck and benefits. I should have just sucked it up and soldiered on...
I thought my life and experience would serve me well in searching for something new. After seven straight months of being told otherwise, every day I get closer to just wanting to give up. I guess I still have to keep going, but every interview is just another exercise in futility to me now. Doesn't matter how well I do. Doesn't matter how experienced I am. They'll take one look at me, mentally wrinkle their nose, and just pat my head while they throw my resume in the trash. Because so many people have done it before. I have two more interviews in the next couple of weeks. I'm dreading them, now.
I do want to give up. Just lay down and let life finish its work of crushing me. But I won't. I have too many people I love and who love me. I can't give up, for them. But every day I'm led along and then dumped in a landfill by the hiring process, a little more of me dies. I know it's rough for everyone who has no job. But a lot of those people have more marketable skills, or are younger or fitter than me. They have a chance. Every day, it seems like my chances are becoming more and more sparse, and I don't know what else I can to have someone give me those chances. I've done all I can...
I want you all to know - if I do leave this world, it won't be from my actions. It'll just be life grinding me to nothing. But I hope and pray to God that someone, somewhere, gives me a chance... because the longer I wait, the more I forget about all that 'experience'... the worse I appear...
I am so very tired... tired of every day casting a line into a lake that has no fish for me... tired of vague emails or phone calls saying 'Thank you for trying, but we went with someone else, and we won't tell you why.'
I just need the pain of self doubt and despair to end.
I. NEED. WORK. I need to be giving VALUE to SOMEONE, ANYONE.
Please, God...
I got turned down for another remote training job. A job I was in the final interview for, and I was not told why I was not selected. This was the best I could possibly do, and it was still not enough.
I have the feeling that my age, weight, and lame leg is going to prevent me from getting any employment. It doesn't matter I have over two decades worth of training and work experience. It doesn't matter that I still have a work ethic. Nobody wants to fucking hire me. Nobody will give me a chance. I've done almost 300 applications since the start of this year. I've done about 20 interviews since May. I've applied in town, remotely, with assistance groups, temp agencies... nothing. Not a one.
When I left my job, I felt relieved and confident that people would want my experience. But now I wonder... did I do the right thing? Yes, the job was grinding me into the dirt. But so is this. At least I'd get ground into the dirt with a paycheck and benefits. I should have just sucked it up and soldiered on...
I thought my life and experience would serve me well in searching for something new. After seven straight months of being told otherwise, every day I get closer to just wanting to give up. I guess I still have to keep going, but every interview is just another exercise in futility to me now. Doesn't matter how well I do. Doesn't matter how experienced I am. They'll take one look at me, mentally wrinkle their nose, and just pat my head while they throw my resume in the trash. Because so many people have done it before. I have two more interviews in the next couple of weeks. I'm dreading them, now.
I do want to give up. Just lay down and let life finish its work of crushing me. But I won't. I have too many people I love and who love me. I can't give up, for them. But every day I'm led along and then dumped in a landfill by the hiring process, a little more of me dies. I know it's rough for everyone who has no job. But a lot of those people have more marketable skills, or are younger or fitter than me. They have a chance. Every day, it seems like my chances are becoming more and more sparse, and I don't know what else I can to have someone give me those chances. I've done all I can...
I want you all to know - if I do leave this world, it won't be from my actions. It'll just be life grinding me to nothing. But I hope and pray to God that someone, somewhere, gives me a chance... because the longer I wait, the more I forget about all that 'experience'... the worse I appear...
I am so very tired... tired of every day casting a line into a lake that has no fish for me... tired of vague emails or phone calls saying 'Thank you for trying, but we went with someone else, and we won't tell you why.'
I just need the pain of self doubt and despair to end.
I. NEED. WORK. I need to be giving VALUE to SOMEONE, ANYONE.
Please, God...
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