Since the news I’ve turned more inward to think on how I feel about on Dragoneer and his passing.

Dragoneer, while not a close friend, was a friend nonetheless. Most people I have in my life are due to him and the work he’s put in to FA. The way the fandom has blossomed is in no small part to his efforts and the people he’s worked with in the past. Despite a tumultuous start to an art career and a disappointing turn with animation, I was able to thrive in furry and in many ways all due to him.


So with that all said, how can I honestly put into words what this individual meant to me, can I or do I have the right to label his mark on the fandom with my lengthy yet still limited perspective on the fandom? I think I can only really speak on my experiences. So thats exactly what I intend to do.


One of my earliest experiences of Dragoneer was meeting him at FWA either 09 or 2010 ( the dates are fuzzy because there was a bit of irresponsible drinking on mine, his, and everyone’s parts. ) Back when I was still really eager to break into the animation industry he was more than happy to talk about his experiences while we sat at a table and doodled together. And he made me feel really welcome, and was super kind.

Went to ask him a question and went “ hey ‘Neer?”… ‘Far?” ( Preyfar) “… WHEREEEEVER YOU AAAREE~”

I’ve never seen such an acute death glare on a man, followed by laughter before <3.

Shortly after he actually helped me out when my roommate for the con had passed out drunk in our room and he helped me in making sure they were okay. ( Like I said, a lot of us were breaking in our livers at this con)

At a FurFright a bit later, got to spend a limited amount of time with him and Sciggles.

After that we chatted here and there online. Butt heads occasionally. He’d, at times drop into my streams ( back when I did those) and mess with my FA account ( though put things back the way he found them)

Off and on, up until the end, he and I were DMing on bluesky while I spoke to him about what he was going through. I got to be sounding board for a few things ( though I’m sure those closer to him were doing a lot more than I) And I really just wanted to make sure that I was there. That he wasn’t alone. And that above all, he had another friend pulling for him, and doing what they could to help.


…..

I can’t say I’m okay.

I’m not happy. I’m infuriated. I’m tired. My mind is a million miles away. I could go on about the american health care system. How preventable it was. But all that has been talked about by those more knowledgeable and well spoken than I am ( as well as more informed) So I’ll just talk about -my- feelings.


Dragoneer’s passing is another… awful… reminder that continues to numb me.

When someone passes and people talk about how they “ live on” in the memories of others - it literally means that aspects of yourself and the person you are would not be the way they are, without that person. And that is absolutely true about Dragoneer. Most elements of what I like, and the person I became is, at the very least, indirectly due to his actions.

Our lives are a tapestry of threads, none of which can be carefully unthreaded even when a person passes.

I carry people like my older brother, Darkzel, Sean Blackthorne, Sirius Akita, Jace, YarkWark… and so many others.

People I had in some form a personal relationship with, or even a professional respect for. I think of the times where I interacted, and what those times meant. How fleeting they are. And, with the passage of time, regardless of all the reflection I do I am hurtling more and more into the future, from a place I can never return to.

I can’t return to the person I was when I met any of these people. Or be the person I was when they passed. I can only break down and build upon those people I once was. I can only hope that their importance wasn’t wasted on me.

Conventions are a flash of a few days where I get to spend time with people who I get to talk to online but see only a few hours or even minutes at a time a year with. And as more friends pass, the more fragile it feels. The more the feeling of “ running out of time” presses on me.


There is no moral to my experiences here, I’m sorry. No platitude in a digestible 280 character limit that can assuage your concerns for the future here. Things are not all gloom and doom, and nor are they guaranteed. They just are.

Please make the good times worthwhile best you can.

Please tell the people in your life you love them. Not just because tomorrow is never guaranteed - but because they may end up living to be 100 years old and they get to spend all that time knowing that they are loved.

Thanks for reading.

-Donryu