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My headspace
a year ago
General
I'm not in a good place right now. The past few months have made me different than I was before. I had "quirks" that made me happy, I was unaware the past few months have been noticed by my family rather me to notice.
I've been taking blood pressure tablets, on a weight cheek every month, looking after my mom making sure she's happy, though I'm not happy, I've don't have a comfort zone like I did at my place before I've moved too mom's. My sister and her partner are trying to find a place where we all have to be together somewhere 100 miles north where we are. That is the most stressful thing ever.
Sometimes the Internet helps (mostly cat videos or something funny), sometimes it dose. What makes me happy is playing games on consoles and the laptop. I miss swimming, cycling, going on long walks, take a trip to a town or city, cinemas. Its what I want but dose it get in the way of importance family life.
I don't know where my head is at times, I got a mind set of a child (don't know by age) it's possible I got autism, though I wasn't diagnosed back when I was born or growing up. I'm wanted to help my family stay happy though there are times when unhappiness sets in I feel I've failed. Then I want to get away to comfort place (bedroom or a quiet room.) Though it's hard.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, I'm sorry for the lack of uploads, as well like art trades, though I did a lot of gift art to those I chat to. Finding time is hard at the moment for myself.
Thanks for reading.
I've been taking blood pressure tablets, on a weight cheek every month, looking after my mom making sure she's happy, though I'm not happy, I've don't have a comfort zone like I did at my place before I've moved too mom's. My sister and her partner are trying to find a place where we all have to be together somewhere 100 miles north where we are. That is the most stressful thing ever.
Sometimes the Internet helps (mostly cat videos or something funny), sometimes it dose. What makes me happy is playing games on consoles and the laptop. I miss swimming, cycling, going on long walks, take a trip to a town or city, cinemas. Its what I want but dose it get in the way of importance family life.
I don't know where my head is at times, I got a mind set of a child (don't know by age) it's possible I got autism, though I wasn't diagnosed back when I was born or growing up. I'm wanted to help my family stay happy though there are times when unhappiness sets in I feel I've failed. Then I want to get away to comfort place (bedroom or a quiet room.) Though it's hard.
I just wanted to get this off my chest, I'm sorry for the lack of uploads, as well like art trades, though I did a lot of gift art to those I chat to. Finding time is hard at the moment for myself.
Thanks for reading.
Caregiving is is taxing like few other things in life... unless you've done it, there's really no way to describe how much of yourself you sacrifice. Your time isn't yours and you're on the clock 24/7, perpetually trying to sort out which emergencies are ACTUAL emergencies and which ones are just someone throwing a drama-tantrum.
Having ASD on top of that just takes ALL THE STRESS and then AMPLIFIES IT! Whatever Autistic superpower your imbalance blessed you with suddenly becomes a two-edged sword, and you end up doing a lot of damage to yourself. No kidding, do a TON of reading on what it is, what it means, what symptoms you have, and the learn how to take care of your. Autistic burnout SUCKS!
....I know this. I know this from experience.
Also, yes, moving to a new place is stressful, even under the BEST of circumstances, which, you're NOT in.
You HAVE TO Find stuff you can do local, and places you can go to get away. You NEED your alone time, AWAY from the crushing stress of perpetual crisis-mode caregiving.
...another hard-learned lesson.
Wish there was more I could do or say, sorry. That IS a tough spot. Yes, what Pink-Ocean and HerbivoreHeroine said... whatever you need to do to take care of you, do it!
-ACe, adult ASD identified DECADES too late to get any help.
+ADHD
+OCD
+other head-space stuffs
Hope you feel better soon.