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My future in general
a year ago
Things are not going in good paths for me here, my mom's health is deteriorating and since she's who basic runs things, means IF something happens, am kinda boned...
As I have MS as y'all know I'm not able to walk or drive, and everything being an hour/2 hour drive from me (like my doctor and infusion appointments) gonna be a issue.
The MAIN issue... Is if I have to go into assisted living (which my mom's wanting, as she worries for me), but if that happens... I.. well, likely not going be around anymore, plus the urge to unalive myself will peak at that point.
Since the one of the main things that's kept me sane and kept my depression (which I've had for 15 years going now) is my electronics, my PC to stay in touch here and friends, my video games on it and my console and such but if I go into assisted living... That all will kinda end, as am only allowed $30 a month as an "allowance" the state takes everything cent in my bank account which meeeeeeeans, no more new games, no new systems as they come out, if my PC dies or such? I'm SOL.
I really can't imagine living in a room doing, well.. Nothing, no playing games, no talking with y'all online or anything, I'd go insane, then depression ramps up and with that, THOSE thoughts and urges show up but I have NO idea how to avoid that, I'm truly lost... It could happen in a couple years or in a few months, I dunno... Just kinda scared y'know?
The "move in with someone" option is a bit tough, my MS medication lowers me immune system and the stuff does NOT interact with Corvid well so if I get it, even the weaken strand of it.. It's like 85-90% fatal.
Plus all the BS that comes with me, driving me to hospital for my infusions, appointments, my lack of bodily functions and etc is something I don't want to put on another.
So, I don't know what to know, I can't get help as anyone will lead to me being put into AL and as said, that is the LAST option ... But yeah, giving a warning for the future that I... Might not be around much, if things happen.
IF that path is made, I wanna thank ALL of you, my loved ones, my friends I've met and still have.
I joined the community in 2004 and am glad I did, it's been the best time and everyone I've met and known has helped make the last 20 years awesome. Thanks all of you.
Hopefully can enjoy 20 more with everyone.. But hope can only go so far, sure as hell can't pay for shit or take me places.
As I have MS as y'all know I'm not able to walk or drive, and everything being an hour/2 hour drive from me (like my doctor and infusion appointments) gonna be a issue.
The MAIN issue... Is if I have to go into assisted living (which my mom's wanting, as she worries for me), but if that happens... I.. well, likely not going be around anymore, plus the urge to unalive myself will peak at that point.
Since the one of the main things that's kept me sane and kept my depression (which I've had for 15 years going now) is my electronics, my PC to stay in touch here and friends, my video games on it and my console and such but if I go into assisted living... That all will kinda end, as am only allowed $30 a month as an "allowance" the state takes everything cent in my bank account which meeeeeeeans, no more new games, no new systems as they come out, if my PC dies or such? I'm SOL.
I really can't imagine living in a room doing, well.. Nothing, no playing games, no talking with y'all online or anything, I'd go insane, then depression ramps up and with that, THOSE thoughts and urges show up but I have NO idea how to avoid that, I'm truly lost... It could happen in a couple years or in a few months, I dunno... Just kinda scared y'know?
The "move in with someone" option is a bit tough, my MS medication lowers me immune system and the stuff does NOT interact with Corvid well so if I get it, even the weaken strand of it.. It's like 85-90% fatal.
Plus all the BS that comes with me, driving me to hospital for my infusions, appointments, my lack of bodily functions and etc is something I don't want to put on another.
So, I don't know what to know, I can't get help as anyone will lead to me being put into AL and as said, that is the LAST option ... But yeah, giving a warning for the future that I... Might not be around much, if things happen.
IF that path is made, I wanna thank ALL of you, my loved ones, my friends I've met and still have.
I joined the community in 2004 and am glad I did, it's been the best time and everyone I've met and known has helped make the last 20 years awesome. Thanks all of you.
Hopefully can enjoy 20 more with everyone.. But hope can only go so far, sure as hell can't pay for shit or take me places.
I hope you get the best outcome you can. I'm rooting for yah friendo
Get those vaccinations for Covid/booster shots to be on the safe side, and keep clean and keep well.
Wishin the best for you and your company chief. A little effort and some hope goes a long way.
I'm scared too...
I'm really hoping the best outcomes for you <3
It will be very sad if I can't and stop chat with you....