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Not surrendering
a year ago
I'm sorry for the downer journal a few days ago, I was just scared... Still am really of what's going to happen, has my stress and depression ramped up to max.
Still don't know what to do, if anything but even if I am at my lowest point now in my life... I have a blessing/curse(?) of ALWAYS being an optimistic bastard, even if it's a fool's hope.
So, I'm going to try and figure out SOMETHING, I just have to figure out WHAT.. I can't call human resources or anyone for help because if they saw how fucked up our home is currently and how messed up me and my parents are physically, they gonna haul us all off to assisted living which is the opposite to a good ending (my dad agrees too to such).
Which means losing most of our things and all our pets (don't think they are allowed in AL)
But I'll look around and as said, figure out any kinda hope and such, I do NOT want to lose what keeps me sane and happy, not lose all I've built up over these last 20 years, not lose all my friends, all of you.
So, I will fight.
I know this is a stretch, given everything with Dragoneer's passing and with others having their own issues, I debated on mentioning it but my gofundme is still around from months ago, it helped for a month or two back in the spring but yeah, I am not going to ask for anything, as am sure all you have given enough to others and all but if you do want to help out, here it is:
https://gofund.me/bce8e9d0
But yeah, I'm a wreck right now mentally (cause gawd... ADD and depression suuuuuck together) but I'm not going to give up, not yet.
Still don't know what to do, if anything but even if I am at my lowest point now in my life... I have a blessing/curse(?) of ALWAYS being an optimistic bastard, even if it's a fool's hope.
So, I'm going to try and figure out SOMETHING, I just have to figure out WHAT.. I can't call human resources or anyone for help because if they saw how fucked up our home is currently and how messed up me and my parents are physically, they gonna haul us all off to assisted living which is the opposite to a good ending (my dad agrees too to such).
Which means losing most of our things and all our pets (don't think they are allowed in AL)
But I'll look around and as said, figure out any kinda hope and such, I do NOT want to lose what keeps me sane and happy, not lose all I've built up over these last 20 years, not lose all my friends, all of you.
So, I will fight.
I know this is a stretch, given everything with Dragoneer's passing and with others having their own issues, I debated on mentioning it but my gofundme is still around from months ago, it helped for a month or two back in the spring but yeah, I am not going to ask for anything, as am sure all you have given enough to others and all but if you do want to help out, here it is:
https://gofund.me/bce8e9d0
But yeah, I'm a wreck right now mentally (cause gawd... ADD and depression suuuuuck together) but I'm not going to give up, not yet.
I hope things will get better 🤞
count on me for helping once I'll find a job here !
You’re welcome Kiya, I’ll never abandon you ❤️
Its totally understandable to be scared of what could happen, you still have the choices of what you can all accept and how you live with it, the support you'll need and what you find acceptable, you still need your freedom, I hope you can get this figured out and I'm sure you will.
I'll see what I can give, MS is a horrible disease but that doesn't mean you have to give up your life or your freedom to live with support
Appreciate the well wishes and help, will keep doing my best for you and everyone.
Not a problem, you've got to do right by you too, but the sentiments is appreciated
If worse comes to worse, from what I read from your previous journal, I won't let you lose the things you hold dear~ If your PC starts fizzling out, I'll be here to help. If you need a few extra bits of funds to help keep your financial situation stable, I'll be happy to help out too. You have so many friends here who love and care about you dearly including myself who will do anything for you to make sure that you're always gonna be around <3
Im always here if you ever need to talk about it or just need a bit of support <3 We love you, Kiya <3
You always helped make me feel better over the years, I promise to do my best to never leave you or anyone else. <3
Again, thank you big wuff, love ya so much and want you always in my life, you mean the world to me as much as anyone. <3
Knowing all that does help ease my stress some~
(I've seen old people in their 80s and 90s have to drive themselves to appointments If they don't live in the main central cities)
Arkansas is a fukked backwoods state.
Also have no one for that, mom is almost hospital bound, dad is half deaf, heavily blind (not fully) and has one leg, have no other family members either.