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I tried to work again :(
a year ago
I got a new job a bit ago - it's a family business that my dad didn't want me to have to get involved in (its a restaurant, if you dont know, restaurants are hell) but i've been really wanting a job/money and they're low on people - so through some convincing and talking got me a job there in the kitchen.
i was alright the first day, second day was iffy but i made it, and the third day was the first without my dad. and i had... like three anxiety attacks? possibly anxiety attacks? honestly, dont know what to call them. i almost went to the hospital but couldnt (long story)
my heart rate was over 120 for about three hours i think - i got severely disoriented and confused and i was in a lot of pains. my symptoms were flared so bad, i really couldnt manage it. i took 1600 mgs of ibuprofen (which is, not ideal, but when you live with an undiagnosed pain condition yknow, you do what you can)
my dad understands, and he's already talked it out and we both agreed this wasn't good for me. but now i'm back to having no job. honestly i feel sick with myself - i know i'm disabled, but all i was doing was dishes! and my body felt like it was shutting down. i cant describe the level of brain fog and pain i was in. honestly, its a blurry memory.
i really dont know what i should do at this point. drawing and art is just about all i have that i can make money from - which i adore art and the furry community! but it's also not consistent. and, it doesn't help my boyfriends mom doesn't like that i don't have a job. which, i understand because i live in a very conservative place and those type of people put a lot of emphasis on being working and 'able'. but still, it hurts.
it hurts that i cant work a job as simple as a dishwasher - it hurts that i'm judged for that - and it hurts that i cant get medical attention fast enough to qualify for disability to at least have something. Being disabled in america feels like a death sentence.
so, i'm sorry ahead of time if my posts are slow - for obvious reason, i may be a little demotivated and depressed from all this irl stress. i'll try to keep posting art or adopts or anything of course! just, may be slow. hopefully i can find a job and can possibly have some consistent income so i dont have to feel like im drowning for a while. but until then, i just hope you can enjoy my art! <3
i was alright the first day, second day was iffy but i made it, and the third day was the first without my dad. and i had... like three anxiety attacks? possibly anxiety attacks? honestly, dont know what to call them. i almost went to the hospital but couldnt (long story)
my heart rate was over 120 for about three hours i think - i got severely disoriented and confused and i was in a lot of pains. my symptoms were flared so bad, i really couldnt manage it. i took 1600 mgs of ibuprofen (which is, not ideal, but when you live with an undiagnosed pain condition yknow, you do what you can)
my dad understands, and he's already talked it out and we both agreed this wasn't good for me. but now i'm back to having no job. honestly i feel sick with myself - i know i'm disabled, but all i was doing was dishes! and my body felt like it was shutting down. i cant describe the level of brain fog and pain i was in. honestly, its a blurry memory.
i really dont know what i should do at this point. drawing and art is just about all i have that i can make money from - which i adore art and the furry community! but it's also not consistent. and, it doesn't help my boyfriends mom doesn't like that i don't have a job. which, i understand because i live in a very conservative place and those type of people put a lot of emphasis on being working and 'able'. but still, it hurts.
it hurts that i cant work a job as simple as a dishwasher - it hurts that i'm judged for that - and it hurts that i cant get medical attention fast enough to qualify for disability to at least have something. Being disabled in america feels like a death sentence.
so, i'm sorry ahead of time if my posts are slow - for obvious reason, i may be a little demotivated and depressed from all this irl stress. i'll try to keep posting art or adopts or anything of course! just, may be slow. hopefully i can find a job and can possibly have some consistent income so i dont have to feel like im drowning for a while. but until then, i just hope you can enjoy my art! <3
