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Sayonara, Sad and Scorching Summer of 2024
a year ago
... WOOF...
Summer was ROUGH. Like, REALLY living up to the Dog Days of Summer. Hot, humid, busy, and stressful as it can ever be.
It was SO hot, even being in the pool was barely enough to keep cool in the middle of day. Granted, this is the ONLY time here where you can come in and out of the pool without dealing with chill to sap your stamina, but without a proper sunscreen on, I could feel my skin BAKING in the sunlight!
Had my brother's family visit us, so the house was crowded and loud for a couple weeks, while I had to share my room with my brother for most of the time through it.
Current events in the world of polticals and in general have left me VERY anxious and emotionally exhuasted. So much happen that brought out my fears and woes, I think I had one or two panic attacks through it all. And with SO much media either have SO many cancellations or their dirty laundry found out, it REALLY bummed me out...
It didn't help that my dayjob for the last 10 years, the one where I FINALLY got to start working in a department that can have me full time... DRASTICALLY cut my hours for most of the season. The hours were SO low and happened SO frequently, I had to PERSONALLY show up at work and ask the bosses for more hours so I can get by with a decent size paycheck... sometime they don't CALL ME, I had to CALL them if they needed help on spot. While they DID follow through when I needed them... on my days "off" I had to be on standby in case they needed me and I COULDN'T pass it up, so I ended most of them unproductive and anxious... It's normal to lose hours this time of year: High Schoolers are out and ready for some "work experiance" all the while the snowbird tourists are gone... but going into fall, School is back and snowbirds are preparing to come again, and my hours are STILL rather light, and the same goes for most of my co-workers too!
It REALLY did suck as it limited what I can do, as I needed to save up to not only to FINISH paying off my car repair from the START of the year, but to cover a big car insurance payment too... which I just barely covered half at the moment... I am sure even with my lighter hours and cheaper spending, I might payoff the other half of it soon before the due date in a couple of months from now... I REALLY made a good call laying off BIG commission projects this year... though NOT for money reasons...
I have really noticed how in the last few years... my social standings have been... less than I hoped. I KNOW I am not regular in updates enough to warrant a "mild" following of friends and/or fans online... but I have notice this uncomfortable sense of silence and isolution from art and furry communties that I consider myself part of for years now....
I met SO many wonderful and talented people on there... DA was "top site" for different artists, both enthusisists and professionals, while FA is considered to be the "underground" site for people to explore the more "hidden" selves from "general" online public. Being part of these sites lead me to SO many new and wonderful artists and people for good amount of time. Some of whom are sadly no longer with us and passed on... and our interactions on these sites with them stand as proof of their existance and time spent with us.
Sadly... I've been feeling a LACK of that kinda of socializing as of late... it seems like there is less and less REAL talk or sincere conversations with anyone outside of my normal circle. There are PLENTY of favorites going around... but hardly any real comments. Commissioning people seems less fun anymore and feels like a bussiness in some ways. Been noticing alot of artists either suffering burnout or under way WAY too much pressure for work and their work seem to have become less of what they've been know for, much less how they interact with friends and old cilents.
I ASSUMED it might be me... so I tried to be more open and social as I can be... but I still end up feeling out of the loop with some people. Some of them old. Some of them new. I still get rather low sense of feedback for my actions. And having some of my WORST social interactions happen when I try TOO hard, I try to as "subtle" as I can be... but even THAT still leads back to wonder if I did ANYTHING at all to begin with again...
With all this work and lack of feedback or sense of acomplishment, I've been feeling rather depressed and isolated. I kept spaming my birthday for months in attempt, or at least what I am assuming of myself, in the sense of hope some of my intereactions with so many people might lead to few good deeds come back onto me. And while I did get a few and heartful gifts from good friends and people (you know who you are, ), I am a little bummed by so many others who kinda let event slipped by with no word or action from them...
I have been wondering if I am being a "real" friend to them, or letting myself become a desperate "tool" to them... it's been really sad to see SO many other people close to my friends and mutuals passing away so suddenly and see them going so many or grieving for them. I do wonder how much of an impact my passing might have on them... IF they were to ever find out about them at all. Another thing that got me rather sad and anxious, is that I've seen a few people who have such tight social and friend circles, they can report their passing as it happens... I fear I might just end up as an account that just goes "inactive" for years to come to those who find it...
Thankfuly, SOME accounts like that have gone active again. But some are not so lucky. PLEASE, take the time to make connections and people feel their work has struck a cord to you.
Regardless... life is suppose to be hard. I am considering trying a 2nd job. Either as a App-Gig worker or maybe try to sell story/pose commissions. I managed to "thrive" through this year so far, and with upcoming fall and winter, I will be kept MORE busy trying to keep up with need of the seasons. Despite my doldrums, I will strive to have my artistic ideas made real, as well as try my best to help my good and close friends... even to find a way to see them in person too so they know how much they mean to me.
Stay safe and sane. Give a hug to friend.
Love you guys.
Summer was ROUGH. Like, REALLY living up to the Dog Days of Summer. Hot, humid, busy, and stressful as it can ever be.
It was SO hot, even being in the pool was barely enough to keep cool in the middle of day. Granted, this is the ONLY time here where you can come in and out of the pool without dealing with chill to sap your stamina, but without a proper sunscreen on, I could feel my skin BAKING in the sunlight!
Had my brother's family visit us, so the house was crowded and loud for a couple weeks, while I had to share my room with my brother for most of the time through it.
Current events in the world of polticals and in general have left me VERY anxious and emotionally exhuasted. So much happen that brought out my fears and woes, I think I had one or two panic attacks through it all. And with SO much media either have SO many cancellations or their dirty laundry found out, it REALLY bummed me out...
It didn't help that my dayjob for the last 10 years, the one where I FINALLY got to start working in a department that can have me full time... DRASTICALLY cut my hours for most of the season. The hours were SO low and happened SO frequently, I had to PERSONALLY show up at work and ask the bosses for more hours so I can get by with a decent size paycheck... sometime they don't CALL ME, I had to CALL them if they needed help on spot. While they DID follow through when I needed them... on my days "off" I had to be on standby in case they needed me and I COULDN'T pass it up, so I ended most of them unproductive and anxious... It's normal to lose hours this time of year: High Schoolers are out and ready for some "work experiance" all the while the snowbird tourists are gone... but going into fall, School is back and snowbirds are preparing to come again, and my hours are STILL rather light, and the same goes for most of my co-workers too!
It REALLY did suck as it limited what I can do, as I needed to save up to not only to FINISH paying off my car repair from the START of the year, but to cover a big car insurance payment too... which I just barely covered half at the moment... I am sure even with my lighter hours and cheaper spending, I might payoff the other half of it soon before the due date in a couple of months from now... I REALLY made a good call laying off BIG commission projects this year... though NOT for money reasons...
I have really noticed how in the last few years... my social standings have been... less than I hoped. I KNOW I am not regular in updates enough to warrant a "mild" following of friends and/or fans online... but I have notice this uncomfortable sense of silence and isolution from art and furry communties that I consider myself part of for years now....
I met SO many wonderful and talented people on there... DA was "top site" for different artists, both enthusisists and professionals, while FA is considered to be the "underground" site for people to explore the more "hidden" selves from "general" online public. Being part of these sites lead me to SO many new and wonderful artists and people for good amount of time. Some of whom are sadly no longer with us and passed on... and our interactions on these sites with them stand as proof of their existance and time spent with us.
Sadly... I've been feeling a LACK of that kinda of socializing as of late... it seems like there is less and less REAL talk or sincere conversations with anyone outside of my normal circle. There are PLENTY of favorites going around... but hardly any real comments. Commissioning people seems less fun anymore and feels like a bussiness in some ways. Been noticing alot of artists either suffering burnout or under way WAY too much pressure for work and their work seem to have become less of what they've been know for, much less how they interact with friends and old cilents.
I ASSUMED it might be me... so I tried to be more open and social as I can be... but I still end up feeling out of the loop with some people. Some of them old. Some of them new. I still get rather low sense of feedback for my actions. And having some of my WORST social interactions happen when I try TOO hard, I try to as "subtle" as I can be... but even THAT still leads back to wonder if I did ANYTHING at all to begin with again...
With all this work and lack of feedback or sense of acomplishment, I've been feeling rather depressed and isolated. I kept spaming my birthday for months in attempt, or at least what I am assuming of myself, in the sense of hope some of my intereactions with so many people might lead to few good deeds come back onto me. And while I did get a few and heartful gifts from good friends and people (you know who you are, ), I am a little bummed by so many others who kinda let event slipped by with no word or action from them...
I have been wondering if I am being a "real" friend to them, or letting myself become a desperate "tool" to them... it's been really sad to see SO many other people close to my friends and mutuals passing away so suddenly and see them going so many or grieving for them. I do wonder how much of an impact my passing might have on them... IF they were to ever find out about them at all. Another thing that got me rather sad and anxious, is that I've seen a few people who have such tight social and friend circles, they can report their passing as it happens... I fear I might just end up as an account that just goes "inactive" for years to come to those who find it...
Thankfuly, SOME accounts like that have gone active again. But some are not so lucky. PLEASE, take the time to make connections and people feel their work has struck a cord to you.
Regardless... life is suppose to be hard. I am considering trying a 2nd job. Either as a App-Gig worker or maybe try to sell story/pose commissions. I managed to "thrive" through this year so far, and with upcoming fall and winter, I will be kept MORE busy trying to keep up with need of the seasons. Despite my doldrums, I will strive to have my artistic ideas made real, as well as try my best to help my good and close friends... even to find a way to see them in person too so they know how much they mean to me.
Stay safe and sane. Give a hug to friend.
Love you guys.
MoPermaWerewolf
~motheking
I can't wait for Fall
