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a year ago
Hey everyone! 👋
It's been a minute.
First and foremost, I wanted to take the opportunity to thank my readers, followers and friends for the outpouring of love and support I've received the past few months. As some of you know, my mother passed away back in July after a lengthy illness, and everything has been surreal.
What people don't know is that I've dealt with the situation with my mother 24/7 for approximately two years, so the family and I endured an extraordinary amount of stress. And on top of that, I've been estranged from my mother for years due to her issues with addiction and mental health challenges. I loved her dearly, though. She was the only mom I have, and they don't exactly grow on trees. But at the same time, even by her own admission, she put me through a significant amount of physical and mental anguish. And unfortunately, at the tail end of all this, I was left without closure or a modicum of direction from her on how to handle her assets and affairs.
However, never once did I feel alone in my grief or suffering. Over the years, I carefully curated a support network of friends. Dare I say those friends became more than friends over time; they became my chosen family. There will always be my biological family, and they will always be the nucleus of my existence. But it's been my chosen family that constantly reminded me that it's okay to be me; that it's okay to be happy. None of the people closest to me have once tried to get me to acquiesce to what they define as happiness. They simply gave me the space and encouragement to find myself while I circumnavigate the new normal in my life.
There are certainly challenges that I'm working to overcome.
This year, I tried managing my stress by inundating my life with distractions. I wrote countless short stories, spent hours getting lost in VRChat, and even volunteered for three furry cons simultaneously while managing a full-time job. This wasn't the best idea, and I've burnt myself out a few times.
While all of that was happening, I experienced symptoms associated with Disassociative Identity Disorder. There would be gaps in time that I couldn't account for. I would be at work, for instance, and look at the clock. Then seemingly the next moment, several hours had passed. I had people writing me on Telegram seemingly randomly, expressing concern for my well-being. And when I'd ask them, "What happened?", they would be at a loss of words, as if they were surprised that I would ask that question. I would often find myself in sleepy-like dissociative states where I'd feel like someone or something wants to come out, and I'm being pulled back. If I gave into that impulse, I'd feel like I took a nap, with random smatterings of thoughts and desires that manifest in a subconscious state -- but those thoughts and desires aren't entirely my own.
I decided to pull back the veil and be transparent with you all because I know many of you remain concerned about my well-being. But I want to assure people that I am working through my issues. I hope to one day manage my DID more efficiently, and I've made progress lately. The truth is: I'm in a better place than I've been, but there remains a long road ahead to healing and processing everything.
Thank you for all your love and kindness! I will never forget it.
CC
It's been a minute.
First and foremost, I wanted to take the opportunity to thank my readers, followers and friends for the outpouring of love and support I've received the past few months. As some of you know, my mother passed away back in July after a lengthy illness, and everything has been surreal.
What people don't know is that I've dealt with the situation with my mother 24/7 for approximately two years, so the family and I endured an extraordinary amount of stress. And on top of that, I've been estranged from my mother for years due to her issues with addiction and mental health challenges. I loved her dearly, though. She was the only mom I have, and they don't exactly grow on trees. But at the same time, even by her own admission, she put me through a significant amount of physical and mental anguish. And unfortunately, at the tail end of all this, I was left without closure or a modicum of direction from her on how to handle her assets and affairs.
However, never once did I feel alone in my grief or suffering. Over the years, I carefully curated a support network of friends. Dare I say those friends became more than friends over time; they became my chosen family. There will always be my biological family, and they will always be the nucleus of my existence. But it's been my chosen family that constantly reminded me that it's okay to be me; that it's okay to be happy. None of the people closest to me have once tried to get me to acquiesce to what they define as happiness. They simply gave me the space and encouragement to find myself while I circumnavigate the new normal in my life.
There are certainly challenges that I'm working to overcome.
This year, I tried managing my stress by inundating my life with distractions. I wrote countless short stories, spent hours getting lost in VRChat, and even volunteered for three furry cons simultaneously while managing a full-time job. This wasn't the best idea, and I've burnt myself out a few times.
While all of that was happening, I experienced symptoms associated with Disassociative Identity Disorder. There would be gaps in time that I couldn't account for. I would be at work, for instance, and look at the clock. Then seemingly the next moment, several hours had passed. I had people writing me on Telegram seemingly randomly, expressing concern for my well-being. And when I'd ask them, "What happened?", they would be at a loss of words, as if they were surprised that I would ask that question. I would often find myself in sleepy-like dissociative states where I'd feel like someone or something wants to come out, and I'm being pulled back. If I gave into that impulse, I'd feel like I took a nap, with random smatterings of thoughts and desires that manifest in a subconscious state -- but those thoughts and desires aren't entirely my own.
I decided to pull back the veil and be transparent with you all because I know many of you remain concerned about my well-being. But I want to assure people that I am working through my issues. I hope to one day manage my DID more efficiently, and I've made progress lately. The truth is: I'm in a better place than I've been, but there remains a long road ahead to healing and processing everything.
Thank you for all your love and kindness! I will never forget it.
CC
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