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Journal and archive about my confession: April fools pran...
a year ago
The crime scene here: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56111444/
One of the most bravest confession that I need to spoke out and apologize for my mistakes.
This is moment that scared me is taking mistakes that I went too far, I should've of use fictional villain instead. Yes, I changed my mind on propaganda parody that fictional villain's propaganda parody and villain's fan art is okay along you put a disclaimer warning that is not endorsement, promotion and malicious intentional. Perzikii s right about propaganda parody are fun (https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56283624/) but along there public announcement to warn others to avoid offending and triggers while telling and admitting the harsh truth about their criminal misdeed in description to spread awareness.
I apologise of offending you all for offending, confusing and alienating with dark history prank and edgy joke without warning.
Why i made the art to begin with? The motive isn't malicious nor promote and endorse but it's actually shock humor April fools prank. I thought is it a good idea in concept but actually bad idea in practical and in result. I should of do fictional villain instead. It my damage the reputation and my self esteem in result.
Bait become threating phobia: 5 days later in 5th of April in morning, i got the bait and end up scared out of flight and fight instinct that i will end up cancelled in consequence. So i tool a break for whole day and respond in apology but end up ghosted without any approval nor solution advice help me improve from my mistake. The criticism isn't that helpful and trigger my trauma of being scolded by my parent in my past emotional abuse. I'm stuck in social anxiety in my intrusive thoughts that drove me into blocking him a month later.
Blocking is irresponsible move? Yes but actually no for a real reasonable reason is why because of social anxiety, avoiding triggers and needed to move on despite i'm struggling. I took a short hiatus to reduce stress on Furaffinity. In consequence I lost one of my FA follower who is also a artist: Dagtilki in aftermath which I assume to be his friend, Crimean which been negative affected in the dark history past and the one who snitched on me out of overreaction. Might of have no confidence nor timid but it's a bad idea to sent a friend with bad attitude to be guardian and behalf your vox.
Do i deserve getting scolded? Nope, like i said before, verbal and psychological abuse is never the answer and never helped me improve and it put me in fear that triggered my trauma, intrusive thoughts and haunted me in phantom oppression of hatred.
Soviet = N*zi? I understand the comparison due to mass cause of death and victim view the symbol as shared simular traits such as dictatorship, deaths, hatred and triggering. However yes but actually no is the answer because the ideology is different, the genocide is different due to n*zi is genetic, racially and superiority motive by sacrificing inferior sub-race (Yep, I fit for this criteria on their death list such as queer: acsexual, mental illness and disorder and abnormal-ness) for repopulating Aryan of natural selection to revolutionised civilisation (The ideology fricking dumb and evil) while Soviet is cultural genocide motive despite they are inclusion and inclusive as unity. (Aardman's Prirates film meme, yes but actually no)
Place is dump: Just like in the Bad guys scene of Diane and Mr wolf about Trash recycled into good such as art. It's like the place of dump recycled into paradise by leaving Soviet behind and belong in the past, kicking out Mr Putin and his henchmen, minions and criminal corrupted politician of ex soviet whom more like the true big bad pigs from animal farm in order liberate ex soviet nations and let them embrace the west and recover then they more likely to become paradise as the west.
Miscommunication?: I the morning of 1 of April which i April fools day, i'm in a rush trying to come up for description while panicking before leaving the house. This is after finished my previous artwork misidentified prey single comic last night late.
By the gov?: No, not my country's government. They would never demand nor request nor commission anyone to do this nor even side with eastern bloc since cold war history except for WW2. The "gov", i'm taking about is soviet union when i'm explaining what is soviet propaganda as presenting the fact they did throw up propaganda poster and campaign in history.
Bad influencer on others: I didn't pay much a attention to my audience and followers because I was soo focus on my self interest and love to share my creative art to show public that i'm might of been terrible influence due to me being oblivious. So I began to introduce Warning journals to help audience that they been warn to avoid their trigger which means less impulsive overreaction by explaining the reason behind it, disclaimer to refrain from leaving hate, discrimination, creepy NFSW and verbal abuse and guidance to decent constructive criticism to prevent another disaster and helping my accountability.
Feeling relatable to Count dankula's pug prank video: I'm subbed to his youtube channel. I'm not here his political opinion, just watch mad lads, celtic mythos and other fact stories. He video are entertaining and can be sarcastic humor. However, the reason why brought up is simular story of mine but he got arrested for "hate speech", it's understandable for law enforcement but however the journalist what freak me out of how pushy, over the top, exaggerate, overeacting and behalf without hesitation and your chance. I had bad experience of my family behalf my speech in way that is like propaganda until i make the vent art called sympathy for monster based off it: https://www.deviantart.com/jammiedo.....ast-1101310100. I glad i'm ot prosecuted for this. we both made dumb prank parodied the evil regimes gone too far and we both got in trouble, ones arrest under the law and other get harsh scolding criticism and has suffered mental illness. I'll be mentioning the police later as it is unexpecting reveal for you about my interaction with the local police. Count dankula confession about the pug prank goes wrong: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89nzxZpNb4E
Secret other motive behind disclaimer: I introduce disclaimer and guidance of good constructive criticism that help me to bring solution for me to improve. Don't want to inability to unable to take criticism. I want to take criticism but it's not easy when critic is verbal abusive and aggressive that end up scaring me away from responsibility. I have phobia of being mobbed by toxic society especially I heard horror stuff from twitter/X and the site twitter/X is infamous for online mobs.
Secret other motive behind helpline: I recently introduce Helpline since 5 august on vent work: hero labelled villain done this me, and they appear on artwork with containing sensitive topics, messages and theming. I want people like me who suffered horror to be able to get help by reaching Helpline that was been guidance from my art description. This is another big achievement for me to improve my influence on my audience and others. I don't want other to be preyed by those who dare to punish by abuse over their victim's mistakes and flaws.
My 4th of July artwork: I learnt my mistake soviet propaganda parody by forgotten not mentioning the admitting of harsh reality and truth of their crimes. So I improved by introducing admitting the truth, the 4th of July America artwork which is the first of this feature and used it to inspire American to keeping pushing human right's achievement even further to combat racism, hate corruption, outdated and more.
My wellbeing: In the aftermath, I become mentally unstable living in fear of my uncontrollable thoughts of nightmares. Aldrick's avatar fursona became my phantom abuser in my mind and did heinous thing on me that I broke into insanity. Luckily I got the help by my support worker agent and social serives. I went hospital to meet the psychiatrist and diagnose me intrusive thoughts then I went to counselling and hospitalised when got worse. I was a lot su!cidal and haunted by shame, guilt and hatred that went self harm. Later I was perscripted with medication, told distraction method and Samaritan talk is one of them then later discharge. I've been attending therapy groups every week and went to library to socialised and do digital art to not feel alone.
My insecurity: I have gone through emotional abuse in my family in the past, grown up as outcast, raised in submissive to avoid trouble but when i did is once get spank in my primary year but now my parent focus only on scolding and psychological torture that destroyed my self esteem, confidence, faith, traumatises me and i end up develop disorder (OCD?), and the aftermath has fracture me a lot for life. I used to hide my vulnerability to avoid discrimination and mistreatment and i wanted to be treated like a normal person but I relies when treated like normal person, i still stress me with the presure of expectation, normality, maturity and being civil to other by pleasing them in order to get better social relationship, opportunity, acceptance and more. I had gone through insomnia and had episodic breakdown both worse is in nigh time like i'm gone full lycanthrope and wailing and growling at night.
I had desires for illegal drugs and alcohol for escapism and wanted to forget about intrusive thought as unhealthy distraction but i could've of destroyed my life with this and i did expressed to my doctor and psychiatrist.
I bottled up myself in order to avoid being "selfish" but end up shattered into insanity like the jam is symbol of blood as it's warning of dangerous, brutal and deadly going to happened. I'm glad i didn't hurt anyone because i did my best to avoid it despite i had urge to inflict my pain on domestic abusers.
Feeling alone: I felt alone and silenced on my responsibility because i can't dump my problems on to others both personal and social media and i have to responsible alone due to my problem to be fixed. It's conflicted on me, i have to hide my problem to not offend and betrayed anyone who cared about me because i'm afraid losing them and everything i had. I began to open up about things and start coming out of the closet thanks for gain confidence and self esteem by help with my support workers.
Samaritan talk to the police officers: I have encounter office policers twice within once a per 2 weeks. I always wanted a Samaritan talk to the police officer to confess about this and they are okay with it and accepted my regret. The reason why is it is illegal in my country to spread hate speech but the cop don't see it as hate speech. It is such a relief and i'm less scared of them when i get into trouble due to fears of corruption, false report, jump into conclusion and more. By the way i more scared of incompetent and predatory vigilante then the police force due to police is more regulated, monitored, professional and their own rules and protocol to follow while in compared to independent vigilantism with chance of no or trained professions but they are more likely to be anarchy law breaker due to desire of interest to commit stalking, domestic abuse, false imprisonment, illegal trafficking, assign full custody on me and many more.
My perspective on criticism on April fool: The review result is poor as it's more emotional, hatred and ignorance then concerned. There is no intention to help but just to scold into correction. It has a point but mishandled as verbal and psychological abusive manner. Excused me of promoting and endorsing extremism and dark history. There's is no responds after my apology and just ghost. Maybe it's too triggering to discussed about understanding the issue. However he ignored the cue, me not taking serious on dumb propaganda and i mention i have no support on the Russia's invasion war. Since i removed the original description in FA in aftermath but i also deleted the other uploads in my other social media except DA which moved to scrapped as FA.
Discrediting to not promote this behaviour: I will never thank this because to discourage this behaviour and action as it can startle someone with mental illness even if they hiding to avoiding discrimination as me but instead it's best to concern and check about others wellbeing as thing can open can of worms to understand where they coming from and give them advice to improve, give helpline and Samaritan talk. Sometime radical, edgelords, acting out and more do have concerning issue on their wellbeing that what they need to get help.
Archiving for education and bad art history: The remaining uploads will be stay in scrapped and remain as archived to show example to not make the same mistakes as i did and mishandling the dark subject matter but the art has been reupload for this confession journal.
Promise: I promise to be more careful, considerate and cautious especially on my accountability, putting up disclaimers, guidance of constructive criticism, helpline and warning journals, notified my audience if i introduce new things with context, i can't always please everyone and never to be people pleaser anymore and beyond, admitted the reality and truth about the history, improve on my influence on the other and inspire others to do the right thing, considered troubled people as concerning wellbeing and might be victim of crime and help them to give positive advice to improve, faith and to give them helpful with helpline, if any trouble happened online and i will share it to personal life therapist, Samaritans and support worker to get helping hand to help me to get confidence and ideas to fix my responsibility and will able to spoke out announcement about set issue.
This confession is given me panic attack and that's why it's most bravest of all time in my social media's history along with first and only NFSW artwork. I didn't expect my regrettable stupid prank art made a huge impact in my life both for the worse and the best.
I'm putting this to the end as wrapped up the conclusion and closure. It is time for me to move ever further. One small things with huge impact and a lot moral life lesson I've have learnt because if my own experience and help those like me to thrive. I can't control everything around sometime it depend on how others responds and decision, why because i'm worried about my responsibility around others but now i have to focus on my selfcare and wellbeing in recovery, so i can be strong and healthy enough to may be mentoring older sibling with friendship and social skills. I may struggled with my inner peace due to my disorder like it's whole life sentence curse from my toxic family. Still a monstrous beast shackled to collar and handcufted of my disorder but the chains are disconnected away from abusers. I'm proud as monstrous beast as racial animal pride that made me different from normal animal. (Berserk Guts theme played in my head)
Things that made me happy during months of hell ever since: Kirby, Howl out, manga, bloodywood song, animated movies and films, Indie webseries animations, Glitch studio with their series Murder drones, metarunner and digital circus, avatar the last air bender, ninoma, wreck it ralph, in making of artworks and many more. Artist like Foxnroll, isananika, Sentinel winder, howlnteeth, artbyzhivago, mattyburito, creepincrawl, forestfright, aporicware, sorbet jungle, mikoyote, gib thorn, yorozu maru, kosseart, creep cat toy co and many more,
One of the most bravest confession that I need to spoke out and apologize for my mistakes.
This is moment that scared me is taking mistakes that I went too far, I should've of use fictional villain instead. Yes, I changed my mind on propaganda parody that fictional villain's propaganda parody and villain's fan art is okay along you put a disclaimer warning that is not endorsement, promotion and malicious intentional. Perzikii s right about propaganda parody are fun (https://www.furaffinity.net/view/56283624/) but along there public announcement to warn others to avoid offending and triggers while telling and admitting the harsh truth about their criminal misdeed in description to spread awareness.
I apologise of offending you all for offending, confusing and alienating with dark history prank and edgy joke without warning.
Why i made the art to begin with? The motive isn't malicious nor promote and endorse but it's actually shock humor April fools prank. I thought is it a good idea in concept but actually bad idea in practical and in result. I should of do fictional villain instead. It my damage the reputation and my self esteem in result.
Bait become threating phobia: 5 days later in 5th of April in morning, i got the bait and end up scared out of flight and fight instinct that i will end up cancelled in consequence. So i tool a break for whole day and respond in apology but end up ghosted without any approval nor solution advice help me improve from my mistake. The criticism isn't that helpful and trigger my trauma of being scolded by my parent in my past emotional abuse. I'm stuck in social anxiety in my intrusive thoughts that drove me into blocking him a month later.
Blocking is irresponsible move? Yes but actually no for a real reasonable reason is why because of social anxiety, avoiding triggers and needed to move on despite i'm struggling. I took a short hiatus to reduce stress on Furaffinity. In consequence I lost one of my FA follower who is also a artist: Dagtilki in aftermath which I assume to be his friend, Crimean which been negative affected in the dark history past and the one who snitched on me out of overreaction. Might of have no confidence nor timid but it's a bad idea to sent a friend with bad attitude to be guardian and behalf your vox.
Do i deserve getting scolded? Nope, like i said before, verbal and psychological abuse is never the answer and never helped me improve and it put me in fear that triggered my trauma, intrusive thoughts and haunted me in phantom oppression of hatred.
Soviet = N*zi? I understand the comparison due to mass cause of death and victim view the symbol as shared simular traits such as dictatorship, deaths, hatred and triggering. However yes but actually no is the answer because the ideology is different, the genocide is different due to n*zi is genetic, racially and superiority motive by sacrificing inferior sub-race (Yep, I fit for this criteria on their death list such as queer: acsexual, mental illness and disorder and abnormal-ness) for repopulating Aryan of natural selection to revolutionised civilisation (The ideology fricking dumb and evil) while Soviet is cultural genocide motive despite they are inclusion and inclusive as unity. (Aardman's Prirates film meme, yes but actually no)
Place is dump: Just like in the Bad guys scene of Diane and Mr wolf about Trash recycled into good such as art. It's like the place of dump recycled into paradise by leaving Soviet behind and belong in the past, kicking out Mr Putin and his henchmen, minions and criminal corrupted politician of ex soviet whom more like the true big bad pigs from animal farm in order liberate ex soviet nations and let them embrace the west and recover then they more likely to become paradise as the west.
Miscommunication?: I the morning of 1 of April which i April fools day, i'm in a rush trying to come up for description while panicking before leaving the house. This is after finished my previous artwork misidentified prey single comic last night late.
By the gov?: No, not my country's government. They would never demand nor request nor commission anyone to do this nor even side with eastern bloc since cold war history except for WW2. The "gov", i'm taking about is soviet union when i'm explaining what is soviet propaganda as presenting the fact they did throw up propaganda poster and campaign in history.
Bad influencer on others: I didn't pay much a attention to my audience and followers because I was soo focus on my self interest and love to share my creative art to show public that i'm might of been terrible influence due to me being oblivious. So I began to introduce Warning journals to help audience that they been warn to avoid their trigger which means less impulsive overreaction by explaining the reason behind it, disclaimer to refrain from leaving hate, discrimination, creepy NFSW and verbal abuse and guidance to decent constructive criticism to prevent another disaster and helping my accountability.
Feeling relatable to Count dankula's pug prank video: I'm subbed to his youtube channel. I'm not here his political opinion, just watch mad lads, celtic mythos and other fact stories. He video are entertaining and can be sarcastic humor. However, the reason why brought up is simular story of mine but he got arrested for "hate speech", it's understandable for law enforcement but however the journalist what freak me out of how pushy, over the top, exaggerate, overeacting and behalf without hesitation and your chance. I had bad experience of my family behalf my speech in way that is like propaganda until i make the vent art called sympathy for monster based off it: https://www.deviantart.com/jammiedo.....ast-1101310100. I glad i'm ot prosecuted for this. we both made dumb prank parodied the evil regimes gone too far and we both got in trouble, ones arrest under the law and other get harsh scolding criticism and has suffered mental illness. I'll be mentioning the police later as it is unexpecting reveal for you about my interaction with the local police. Count dankula confession about the pug prank goes wrong: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89nzxZpNb4E
Secret other motive behind disclaimer: I introduce disclaimer and guidance of good constructive criticism that help me to bring solution for me to improve. Don't want to inability to unable to take criticism. I want to take criticism but it's not easy when critic is verbal abusive and aggressive that end up scaring me away from responsibility. I have phobia of being mobbed by toxic society especially I heard horror stuff from twitter/X and the site twitter/X is infamous for online mobs.
Secret other motive behind helpline: I recently introduce Helpline since 5 august on vent work: hero labelled villain done this me, and they appear on artwork with containing sensitive topics, messages and theming. I want people like me who suffered horror to be able to get help by reaching Helpline that was been guidance from my art description. This is another big achievement for me to improve my influence on my audience and others. I don't want other to be preyed by those who dare to punish by abuse over their victim's mistakes and flaws.
My 4th of July artwork: I learnt my mistake soviet propaganda parody by forgotten not mentioning the admitting of harsh reality and truth of their crimes. So I improved by introducing admitting the truth, the 4th of July America artwork which is the first of this feature and used it to inspire American to keeping pushing human right's achievement even further to combat racism, hate corruption, outdated and more.
My wellbeing: In the aftermath, I become mentally unstable living in fear of my uncontrollable thoughts of nightmares. Aldrick's avatar fursona became my phantom abuser in my mind and did heinous thing on me that I broke into insanity. Luckily I got the help by my support worker agent and social serives. I went hospital to meet the psychiatrist and diagnose me intrusive thoughts then I went to counselling and hospitalised when got worse. I was a lot su!cidal and haunted by shame, guilt and hatred that went self harm. Later I was perscripted with medication, told distraction method and Samaritan talk is one of them then later discharge. I've been attending therapy groups every week and went to library to socialised and do digital art to not feel alone.
My insecurity: I have gone through emotional abuse in my family in the past, grown up as outcast, raised in submissive to avoid trouble but when i did is once get spank in my primary year but now my parent focus only on scolding and psychological torture that destroyed my self esteem, confidence, faith, traumatises me and i end up develop disorder (OCD?), and the aftermath has fracture me a lot for life. I used to hide my vulnerability to avoid discrimination and mistreatment and i wanted to be treated like a normal person but I relies when treated like normal person, i still stress me with the presure of expectation, normality, maturity and being civil to other by pleasing them in order to get better social relationship, opportunity, acceptance and more. I had gone through insomnia and had episodic breakdown both worse is in nigh time like i'm gone full lycanthrope and wailing and growling at night.
I had desires for illegal drugs and alcohol for escapism and wanted to forget about intrusive thought as unhealthy distraction but i could've of destroyed my life with this and i did expressed to my doctor and psychiatrist.
I bottled up myself in order to avoid being "selfish" but end up shattered into insanity like the jam is symbol of blood as it's warning of dangerous, brutal and deadly going to happened. I'm glad i didn't hurt anyone because i did my best to avoid it despite i had urge to inflict my pain on domestic abusers.
Feeling alone: I felt alone and silenced on my responsibility because i can't dump my problems on to others both personal and social media and i have to responsible alone due to my problem to be fixed. It's conflicted on me, i have to hide my problem to not offend and betrayed anyone who cared about me because i'm afraid losing them and everything i had. I began to open up about things and start coming out of the closet thanks for gain confidence and self esteem by help with my support workers.
Samaritan talk to the police officers: I have encounter office policers twice within once a per 2 weeks. I always wanted a Samaritan talk to the police officer to confess about this and they are okay with it and accepted my regret. The reason why is it is illegal in my country to spread hate speech but the cop don't see it as hate speech. It is such a relief and i'm less scared of them when i get into trouble due to fears of corruption, false report, jump into conclusion and more. By the way i more scared of incompetent and predatory vigilante then the police force due to police is more regulated, monitored, professional and their own rules and protocol to follow while in compared to independent vigilantism with chance of no or trained professions but they are more likely to be anarchy law breaker due to desire of interest to commit stalking, domestic abuse, false imprisonment, illegal trafficking, assign full custody on me and many more.
My perspective on criticism on April fool: The review result is poor as it's more emotional, hatred and ignorance then concerned. There is no intention to help but just to scold into correction. It has a point but mishandled as verbal and psychological abusive manner. Excused me of promoting and endorsing extremism and dark history. There's is no responds after my apology and just ghost. Maybe it's too triggering to discussed about understanding the issue. However he ignored the cue, me not taking serious on dumb propaganda and i mention i have no support on the Russia's invasion war. Since i removed the original description in FA in aftermath but i also deleted the other uploads in my other social media except DA which moved to scrapped as FA.
Discrediting to not promote this behaviour: I will never thank this because to discourage this behaviour and action as it can startle someone with mental illness even if they hiding to avoiding discrimination as me but instead it's best to concern and check about others wellbeing as thing can open can of worms to understand where they coming from and give them advice to improve, give helpline and Samaritan talk. Sometime radical, edgelords, acting out and more do have concerning issue on their wellbeing that what they need to get help.
Archiving for education and bad art history: The remaining uploads will be stay in scrapped and remain as archived to show example to not make the same mistakes as i did and mishandling the dark subject matter but the art has been reupload for this confession journal.
Promise: I promise to be more careful, considerate and cautious especially on my accountability, putting up disclaimers, guidance of constructive criticism, helpline and warning journals, notified my audience if i introduce new things with context, i can't always please everyone and never to be people pleaser anymore and beyond, admitted the reality and truth about the history, improve on my influence on the other and inspire others to do the right thing, considered troubled people as concerning wellbeing and might be victim of crime and help them to give positive advice to improve, faith and to give them helpful with helpline, if any trouble happened online and i will share it to personal life therapist, Samaritans and support worker to get helping hand to help me to get confidence and ideas to fix my responsibility and will able to spoke out announcement about set issue.
This confession is given me panic attack and that's why it's most bravest of all time in my social media's history along with first and only NFSW artwork. I didn't expect my regrettable stupid prank art made a huge impact in my life both for the worse and the best.
I'm putting this to the end as wrapped up the conclusion and closure. It is time for me to move ever further. One small things with huge impact and a lot moral life lesson I've have learnt because if my own experience and help those like me to thrive. I can't control everything around sometime it depend on how others responds and decision, why because i'm worried about my responsibility around others but now i have to focus on my selfcare and wellbeing in recovery, so i can be strong and healthy enough to may be mentoring older sibling with friendship and social skills. I may struggled with my inner peace due to my disorder like it's whole life sentence curse from my toxic family. Still a monstrous beast shackled to collar and handcufted of my disorder but the chains are disconnected away from abusers. I'm proud as monstrous beast as racial animal pride that made me different from normal animal. (Berserk Guts theme played in my head)
Things that made me happy during months of hell ever since: Kirby, Howl out, manga, bloodywood song, animated movies and films, Indie webseries animations, Glitch studio with their series Murder drones, metarunner and digital circus, avatar the last air bender, ninoma, wreck it ralph, in making of artworks and many more. Artist like Foxnroll, isananika, Sentinel winder, howlnteeth, artbyzhivago, mattyburito, creepincrawl, forestfright, aporicware, sorbet jungle, mikoyote, gib thorn, yorozu maru, kosseart, creep cat toy co and many more,
