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The state of society (and me)
11 months ago
With recent events in the world and in the communities I'm in, I'm going to be a little more quiet.
I don't know what I will do in regards to writing, I don't want people to take my musings or venting as some form of complication that results in the removal of me... Nor the hatred of me... I've already had to remove some of my work out of fear that it would be taken wrong. I've also removed the recent cerberus eeveelution because someone showed me that -exact- combination, right down to their positioning and gender and whatnot, had not only already been done... But it had artwork. People don't realize, us writers in this fandom tend to get spat on when we write something and someone else has art of a similar thing.
Writers gain way less respect in a visual medium-centric fandom like this, and we frequently have way less followers than people who do draw. No one has time to read, and it's faster to just look at art for most. Know what that means? I REALLY hecken appreciate all of you who DO appreciate my writings, who do read my dumb little character concepts, who do like my horror ideas and world building. I appreciate and love all of the kindness you offer me, a thousand times more than I can actually express. But this comes at a drawback... I am extraordinarily self conscious about my work, because I have an inferiority complex to begin with.
I can deal with people going 'ew' or 'what the fuck' at my villains or horror, but when people tell me I lack originality, or that I'm uninspired, or otherwise... That criticism is incredibly demotivating and hurts.
Some of you have noticed I've had a slight political side lately... Lets just say, where I live is making me concerned about my very existence... It's infuriating me.
Not everyone who disagrees with you is an enemy. Not everyone considers you an enemy. But in a world of misinformation, lies, and manipulators, people need to learn to stop sticking their head in the ground and being ignorant, as well as open their mind to researching things. They demand people to 'research' things they think is right, but when you give them evidence it is wrong, they scream and flail and insult you... Or worse, state their information is 'an opinion lol'... ... Then stop trying to state it like its fact, and let others have their own 'opinions' too.
I've been blocking people who would be problematic to communicate with. If you feel I've blocked you, you likely deserve it for your behavior. I don't block people for political affiliation, I block them for harassing others or spreading misinformation/lies. This is the consequence of your behavior, nothing to do with freedom of speech (which if you understood how that fucking worked, you wouldn't be trying to invoke it on a private place unaffiliated with the US government.)
At the end of the day... I'm an old fool who suffers from trauma from being abused a lot in the past. Emotionally and physically... Only recently, I have found friends who want me to be their friend unconditionally... And they're not even furries. A lot of furries I've met have toxic friendships that rely on others having some form of popularity, wealth, talent, or are used just for role playing purposes. I am wary to make new furry friends because of this. When I was younger, I'd ask hundreds to be friends, and ended up abused by many who I thought was close. Now I barely ask maybe one or two... And even then, I have a bad habit of wearing masks that I think the person would appreciate instead of me being myself... To specify... I am actually asexual IRL. I am not interested in any actual sexual interactions in reality... Role playing is just my way of connecting to people, same for sharing kinks or interests I'm not actually into...
I am tired. I do not sleep well. My lungs are likely permanently fucked. My heart hurts frequently with arm pain, and the doctor just says 'that is normal'. I sometimes bleed from either my rear or the region around it when I walk sometimes... But the doctor says nothing can be done about that. I am tired of being told 'this is normal' when it most certainly is not.
I am tired. Sorry.
I don't know what I will do in regards to writing, I don't want people to take my musings or venting as some form of complication that results in the removal of me... Nor the hatred of me... I've already had to remove some of my work out of fear that it would be taken wrong. I've also removed the recent cerberus eeveelution because someone showed me that -exact- combination, right down to their positioning and gender and whatnot, had not only already been done... But it had artwork. People don't realize, us writers in this fandom tend to get spat on when we write something and someone else has art of a similar thing.
Writers gain way less respect in a visual medium-centric fandom like this, and we frequently have way less followers than people who do draw. No one has time to read, and it's faster to just look at art for most. Know what that means? I REALLY hecken appreciate all of you who DO appreciate my writings, who do read my dumb little character concepts, who do like my horror ideas and world building. I appreciate and love all of the kindness you offer me, a thousand times more than I can actually express. But this comes at a drawback... I am extraordinarily self conscious about my work, because I have an inferiority complex to begin with.
I can deal with people going 'ew' or 'what the fuck' at my villains or horror, but when people tell me I lack originality, or that I'm uninspired, or otherwise... That criticism is incredibly demotivating and hurts.
Some of you have noticed I've had a slight political side lately... Lets just say, where I live is making me concerned about my very existence... It's infuriating me.
Not everyone who disagrees with you is an enemy. Not everyone considers you an enemy. But in a world of misinformation, lies, and manipulators, people need to learn to stop sticking their head in the ground and being ignorant, as well as open their mind to researching things. They demand people to 'research' things they think is right, but when you give them evidence it is wrong, they scream and flail and insult you... Or worse, state their information is 'an opinion lol'... ... Then stop trying to state it like its fact, and let others have their own 'opinions' too.
I've been blocking people who would be problematic to communicate with. If you feel I've blocked you, you likely deserve it for your behavior. I don't block people for political affiliation, I block them for harassing others or spreading misinformation/lies. This is the consequence of your behavior, nothing to do with freedom of speech (which if you understood how that fucking worked, you wouldn't be trying to invoke it on a private place unaffiliated with the US government.)
At the end of the day... I'm an old fool who suffers from trauma from being abused a lot in the past. Emotionally and physically... Only recently, I have found friends who want me to be their friend unconditionally... And they're not even furries. A lot of furries I've met have toxic friendships that rely on others having some form of popularity, wealth, talent, or are used just for role playing purposes. I am wary to make new furry friends because of this. When I was younger, I'd ask hundreds to be friends, and ended up abused by many who I thought was close. Now I barely ask maybe one or two... And even then, I have a bad habit of wearing masks that I think the person would appreciate instead of me being myself... To specify... I am actually asexual IRL. I am not interested in any actual sexual interactions in reality... Role playing is just my way of connecting to people, same for sharing kinks or interests I'm not actually into...
I am tired. I do not sleep well. My lungs are likely permanently fucked. My heart hurts frequently with arm pain, and the doctor just says 'that is normal'. I sometimes bleed from either my rear or the region around it when I walk sometimes... But the doctor says nothing can be done about that. I am tired of being told 'this is normal' when it most certainly is not.
I am tired. Sorry.
I commissioned a work of a character from written word and it ended up looking like existing artwork.
We only have so much room in our imaginations for an ideal chair. Pokemon are pokemon with little variation in their form, a genie is a genie. But yes, here and in the real world us writers have the hardest lot in attention and contract. Our medium is forced and impacted in the most abusive of ways and struggling to reaching audience in the modern world, despite being a sacred art.
I am sorry you are receiving these immature and useless comments. And at the end of the day that is exactly what they are, useless.
Originality ties back to the ideal chair, its what you do with it what matters.
Perhaps though that is a strength of villains. If they are ew or what the fuck, perhaps that is a badge of pride as those are wonderful qualities for a villain to have, especially in horror.
Sorry that I still have nothing to say on your writing. I have read it though, just the way of things in the world. It is read and I have nothing to say and that is just my way of things and sometimes that is a fine thing to be.
I feel you in the rising worries like days of old. The lack of humanity and ignorance. Watching people who wish to hurt and deny the rights of so many wonderful people, who would burn at the stake and mark me as evil because I think the biggest threat to those who seek power. Frighting are days of uncertainty and it leads to negative feedback loops with the unwary and nascent minded easily. Yeah, I sometime preventative block too, not because of flat politics, but because as you said how they treat others.
Though, let the mask fall, continue to be you.
Its hard-to-find good friends in this world. I have met some wonderful friends in furry, but yes value and power of people who don’t understand what friendship is leads to poor relationships.
“To be their friend unconditionally…” And even that in its sounding beauty fills me with guilt. One can argue that leads to foolish places with the human species, but it is a powerful thing. There is loving unconditionally and then there is friend unconditionally and I simply cannot do that. I don’t seek friendship for poor and valueless things, but there are values I have with it that are certainly not unconditionally. The high morals, principles, character, two-way street, reciprocity to get there is just on me as the other person, but sin or just common sense is up for long debate.
In the words of the book. Who is the friend? The good Samaritan. However, arguments of being friendly versus being a friend is a debate as old as dirt.
Sounds like you have a super shitty doctor. Bleed walking like you described is usually hemorrhoids or an anal fissure and there is plenty to do for that.
But yeah, keep writing and hopefully good things come your way.