been a bit on depression that i kind of had trust issues, lot of dysfunction in my mind... it either might have impacted someone to notice me going strange for a bit, hope it's not taken personal.. was just in a lot...
irl fuckery in my class again with some discord communities drama around and reminders of some fuckeries i did in some places, eitherways at least someone highlighted what was wrong with me, otherwise certain places i found them pretty messed with drama incidents, certain members make me feel like i'm walking in a mine field which why i left like 4 or 5 servers of the conjoinment community to avoid snapping in some cases, really hate to snap or get emotionally mad most of times, in past i used to be too defensive, now i'm kind of self-destructive that bottles up emotions and only feel guilt, avoiding troubles as much possble as i could, better this 1 month break help me get back to my old scheldue of draw and never talk to anyone.. i guess getting addicted to online activity is what got me to this emotional breakdown... again leaving the servers wasn't personal to the admins but some members make in the said places i used to be active on and i left just prefered to avoid, there's one or two servers i left not for the bad members reason but to not be too venty about it, i hate ranting or venting in some friendly spaces, talking about some struggles everyday really ruin certain places and the harmony of em... again i find myself annoying sometimes i blame nothing but myself in the end... like i try to vibe like i should to prevent myself from overthinking but my interests make it worse.. a break of 3 months or 2 would help, hell if 1 month alone is enough to get me back to the old me that just draws non-stop with less talks