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Denied 5 times.
11 months ago
It is with regret that I have to once again say I've been once again been denied, even with having a legal team.
I have no idea why. I have had two friends make their way through and win their cases in their first and second times. My lawyer is saying to obviously appeal and do this again, which is my only option.
I'm... So tired.
I got the news two days ago. I've been nothing short of completely without will to continue. This is all I can hope for anymore and they are ensuring I will not make it. They know my situation, they are aware I'm suicidal and have horrible mental issues. My only assumption is they want me to give in to the dark thoughts so they don't need to do the paperwork.
I'm now forced to continue to ask for help, something I've fucking hated and continue to hate, and makes me feel worse every time. Another 6-12 months of this hell.
I'm so sorry, to everyone. This isn't where I want to be. I wanted things to be over. I'm exhausted, I'm tired of hope. I just want to stop waking up. This isn't worth it.
I have no idea why. I have had two friends make their way through and win their cases in their first and second times. My lawyer is saying to obviously appeal and do this again, which is my only option.
I'm... So tired.
I got the news two days ago. I've been nothing short of completely without will to continue. This is all I can hope for anymore and they are ensuring I will not make it. They know my situation, they are aware I'm suicidal and have horrible mental issues. My only assumption is they want me to give in to the dark thoughts so they don't need to do the paperwork.
I'm now forced to continue to ask for help, something I've fucking hated and continue to hate, and makes me feel worse every time. Another 6-12 months of this hell.
I'm so sorry, to everyone. This isn't where I want to be. I wanted things to be over. I'm exhausted, I'm tired of hope. I just want to stop waking up. This isn't worth it.
I know I am just another user on the Internet and this might not be what you want to hear but sometimes I believe that if a choice leads us to a miserable state of being, perhaps it wasn't worth after all.
I'm not saying this to mock you or hurt you, I swear it for everything I hold sacred in this world. Believe me. It pains me to read about your suffering, but remember it might not too late and this cycle can be broken.
Just don't harm yourself, ok? Promise it.
The only thing I can offer is that, being able to do hrt is life saving and gave me many years back, even if it brought new stresses to my life.
I'm sure life could have been easier socially if I stayed in denial, if I kept hiding. Eventually it would have eaten me away like it already was. Having phantom sensations throughout my body all my life was proof that it wasn't something I could ignore forever.
For that, at least, coming out was worth it. No longer having to hide was worth it. But having to stare down the barrel of a society that wants you gone is a whole new issue.
I'm so sorry you are in such a deep end by now. It's horrible. But I with you strength to keep going. Cause some people believe in you. And I am one of them.