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Update after almost a year
a year ago
Life still the exact same as it usually is. Every single day. I had participated in Art Fight in July. Which for the record, I never posted the art outside of Art Fight. Only some of it on discord due to sharing a sever with a few. I might upload them under my scraps at some point, but I don't know. Maybe when next Art Fight comes around I'll start posting them when I finish them.
Now onto the next stuff. My birthday is nearing, with December being not that far. Kinda crazy that I will be 21 towards the end of the year. Safe to say, I will be a very responsible person and stick to drinking tea and soda as I usually do. Keeping away from stuff that I would not. But also, almost a full year of having my large Luna Ezalina plush lmao. Which I don't think I have posted anything about it. I should probably post a scrap post of it lol. Planning to buy a second 30 inch plush of my other zoroark. Devison Atrolis, so I can have my character pair together. Also. There is some things I would also like to mention next.
[Note. Stuff I am about to mention next is partly a rant. But also an explanation as to part of why my bio states why I am not comfortable with certain things still. Since I don't think I ever said anything about it yet. Not here at least. And an overall explanation for why I am the way I am, and why I go about improving art the way I do]
Still within my comfort zone for now. My view on certain art remains the same. And seeing how things are for those artists. And watching a few people I follow, or a friend slowly going down that route. I don't know how to describe how I exactly feel about it but it isn't very positive. Kinda more just. "Good for you" and. "Another one walks the dreaded path that I do not like" I won't stop them from trying. Their choice, not mine. Just cannot follow them if they do. And I know I should step out of my comfort zone with some stuff but. That one will be some time from now. Considering that stems from an old encounter on discord. Where someone encouraged someone else, both in a vc with me present, sent me NSFW... out of sheer spite against me. Which they willingly admitted to me in voice. And do note, this wasn't recent or anything. This was a few years ago. Meaning, it was when I was under 18. Doesn't help the fact they were BOTH under 18 as well. Which... fucking why??? Safe to say I hold a grudge about that to this day, considering neither got punished for it. Not even by discord. And I only hold long grudges like such, when it is justifiable. ESPECIALLY when they didn't regret it afterwards, not even later on. All due to the fact I didn't like to take "Criticism" from anyone.
And note. This was the Terraria Community, and Modding Community especially. When it was far more toxic. It is slightly better now but still there regardless. And doesn't take super long to find any. Used to be almost everywhere half the time. So Criticism is more so in a "You are bad at art!" or "Fix this now!" and no further elaboration or attempt to help teach how to fix things or anything, and threw hissy fits when you didn't listen to them or understand a tutorial slapped in your face. Which happened a lot back then to me. . . So I became self-taught out of spite for the most part until people either stopped giving a shit, became nicer, or just saw me as "Good enough" to not be a target of harsh criticism shoved down my throat. And that one user, kept targeting me, and taking advantage of the fact I wasn't the best socially, and had a short temper. Trying to piss me off a lot back then and succeeded a lot. Nowadays I am more thick skinned when it comes to it. That and people have kinda started learning to mostly give criticism when asked to. Not when they see art posted that instant. Because that should be the unspoken rule of art, to give criticism when asked, and don't when you aren't asked to, if they don't feel comfortable with it. I've only taken critique from people I can trust and that are better than me. Because they've known me enough to know HOW to approach me about it, and how to show me what to do and what mistake I am making, or make suggestions with some visual help or explanation that I can actually understand better (I am mostly a visual learner and whatnot)
But despite that... I have been slowly thinking about it every now and then. About potentially starting to make slow steps out of my comfort zone. It'll be a while. But I might start trying more once I have turned 21 in December. But also ANOTHER issue that is of big concern is. My laptop's battery has been expanding underneath the surface. Almost had it for 4 years, which is an 8gb ram hp laptop (Yeah I know. Garbage. I didn't pick the laptop. Blame the parents that bought it, and the fact I have a limited split budget for birthday and christmas, being 7 days apart from one another). And I currently do not have the money to get a new laptop, and don't know how much it'll cost me to replace the battery. But I will leave it to professionals to replace it since, it is too dangerous for a replacement at home. And from my last journal. I S T I L L don't have an ID for a functional paypal account... that'll FINALLY change in november since we DO need to get my ID for what my dad has planned for my 21st birthday. There is no delaying it anymore. Either we do it, or that plan is out of the question. And any hope of me being able to use my own money on my own time and whatnot.
Also. Depression update! It still sucks. Just eats away at me more and more. Making me increasingly more demotivated and mentally drained. But I want to live still. Despite the loneliness. But at least that's why my discord friends are there. So I have someone to talk to and not feel as alone, as I would be if I was alone and talking to myself. Hopefully 2025 and 2026 will be the years where I can start getting my life right. And start feeling better. Until then. I just gotta push through Depression and ADHD to get anything done. Forward through abyss and into the light
Now onto the next stuff. My birthday is nearing, with December being not that far. Kinda crazy that I will be 21 towards the end of the year. Safe to say, I will be a very responsible person and stick to drinking tea and soda as I usually do. Keeping away from stuff that I would not. But also, almost a full year of having my large Luna Ezalina plush lmao. Which I don't think I have posted anything about it. I should probably post a scrap post of it lol. Planning to buy a second 30 inch plush of my other zoroark. Devison Atrolis, so I can have my character pair together. Also. There is some things I would also like to mention next.
[Note. Stuff I am about to mention next is partly a rant. But also an explanation as to part of why my bio states why I am not comfortable with certain things still. Since I don't think I ever said anything about it yet. Not here at least. And an overall explanation for why I am the way I am, and why I go about improving art the way I do]
Still within my comfort zone for now. My view on certain art remains the same. And seeing how things are for those artists. And watching a few people I follow, or a friend slowly going down that route. I don't know how to describe how I exactly feel about it but it isn't very positive. Kinda more just. "Good for you" and. "Another one walks the dreaded path that I do not like" I won't stop them from trying. Their choice, not mine. Just cannot follow them if they do. And I know I should step out of my comfort zone with some stuff but. That one will be some time from now. Considering that stems from an old encounter on discord. Where someone encouraged someone else, both in a vc with me present, sent me NSFW... out of sheer spite against me. Which they willingly admitted to me in voice. And do note, this wasn't recent or anything. This was a few years ago. Meaning, it was when I was under 18. Doesn't help the fact they were BOTH under 18 as well. Which... fucking why??? Safe to say I hold a grudge about that to this day, considering neither got punished for it. Not even by discord. And I only hold long grudges like such, when it is justifiable. ESPECIALLY when they didn't regret it afterwards, not even later on. All due to the fact I didn't like to take "Criticism" from anyone.
And note. This was the Terraria Community, and Modding Community especially. When it was far more toxic. It is slightly better now but still there regardless. And doesn't take super long to find any. Used to be almost everywhere half the time. So Criticism is more so in a "You are bad at art!" or "Fix this now!" and no further elaboration or attempt to help teach how to fix things or anything, and threw hissy fits when you didn't listen to them or understand a tutorial slapped in your face. Which happened a lot back then to me. . . So I became self-taught out of spite for the most part until people either stopped giving a shit, became nicer, or just saw me as "Good enough" to not be a target of harsh criticism shoved down my throat. And that one user, kept targeting me, and taking advantage of the fact I wasn't the best socially, and had a short temper. Trying to piss me off a lot back then and succeeded a lot. Nowadays I am more thick skinned when it comes to it. That and people have kinda started learning to mostly give criticism when asked to. Not when they see art posted that instant. Because that should be the unspoken rule of art, to give criticism when asked, and don't when you aren't asked to, if they don't feel comfortable with it. I've only taken critique from people I can trust and that are better than me. Because they've known me enough to know HOW to approach me about it, and how to show me what to do and what mistake I am making, or make suggestions with some visual help or explanation that I can actually understand better (I am mostly a visual learner and whatnot)
But despite that... I have been slowly thinking about it every now and then. About potentially starting to make slow steps out of my comfort zone. It'll be a while. But I might start trying more once I have turned 21 in December. But also ANOTHER issue that is of big concern is. My laptop's battery has been expanding underneath the surface. Almost had it for 4 years, which is an 8gb ram hp laptop (Yeah I know. Garbage. I didn't pick the laptop. Blame the parents that bought it, and the fact I have a limited split budget for birthday and christmas, being 7 days apart from one another). And I currently do not have the money to get a new laptop, and don't know how much it'll cost me to replace the battery. But I will leave it to professionals to replace it since, it is too dangerous for a replacement at home. And from my last journal. I S T I L L don't have an ID for a functional paypal account... that'll FINALLY change in november since we DO need to get my ID for what my dad has planned for my 21st birthday. There is no delaying it anymore. Either we do it, or that plan is out of the question. And any hope of me being able to use my own money on my own time and whatnot.
Also. Depression update! It still sucks. Just eats away at me more and more. Making me increasingly more demotivated and mentally drained. But I want to live still. Despite the loneliness. But at least that's why my discord friends are there. So I have someone to talk to and not feel as alone, as I would be if I was alone and talking to myself. Hopefully 2025 and 2026 will be the years where I can start getting my life right. And start feeling better. Until then. I just gotta push through Depression and ADHD to get anything done. Forward through abyss and into the light
