Of late, I've been trying to tamp down on real world drama - politics included - so I can focus on trying to concentrate on taking care of myself when needed and providing yet another place of solace and joy in a world that seems to get more insane by the day. But I feel if I don't say it now, I won't say it at all...

I couldn't really sleep tonight, given what happened with the Election. Where we're going, and what may come to pass...of the feelings that have roiled through me over the last hours, it's been many - anger, disappointment...but yet...the feelings that I was expecting - sadness, despair, fear...they have not gripped my heart as harshly as the twisted knife I felt before the 2016 Election. Maybe it's just a silent acceptance of this new, cruel world? Possibly, seeing how the US has seemingly given in and given up. It truly is a disgusting, sad, pitiful reflection of how careless and weak we as humans can be, and how blind we can be to the larger picture...

...So, then, why am I feeling..."determined"?

Well, I read something from a friend who decided to step out of his comfort zone and touch upon the current situation in his Discord Server...and to some degree, it may apply here and now. It read in part as follows:

"I know that tonight has many of us anxious about the future – myself included. We’re so fortunate to be part of a community that values equality, compassion, and progress, and it’s unsettling to be reminded that these ideals aren’t always the majority view. It’s completely natural and valid to feel disheartened and even scared by what we’re seeing tonight.

I want each of you to know that, no matter the outcome, I am incredibly proud of this community and so grateful to be a part of it. I’m proud of each and every one of you for standing up, being unapologetically yourselves, and showing up with kindness, compassion, and resilience each and every day. The outside world may not always reflect those values, and it may not always embrace what we try to put into it – but what we’ve built here, the way we support each other, and the way we’ve created this space to be our true selves without fear – that’s something nobody can take from us.

When times are tough, it’s more important than ever to lean into our values, to show the world that nothing and no one can dim the acceptance, pride, and overwhelming love we’ve built together. While we can’t control every outcome out there, we can choose how we respond, how we treat each other, and how we protect this space we’ve created.

So tonight and in the days to come, if you’re feeling down, anxious, or afraid, know that you’re not alone. We’re here to lift each other up, to show kindness and compassion, and to stand by our friends. We’re in this together, and we’re here to support each other no matter what happens.

Let’s keep each other close, help one another up, and keep living the values that make this community so special. I’m so proud of you all, of the values you uphold every day, and of this community we’ve built together. Regardless of what happens, this will always be a space for kindness, love, pride, and resilience. We are furry trash and nobody will ever take that from us."

Those words gave solace...but also awoke something inside my heart in the face of the oncoming darkness...

The best way I can describe it? It's like a fire...a blazing one at that...not of anger...but something...positive, like something awoke in me. This feeling inside me doesn't feel like a spur-of-the-moment passion or simple naivete...it does feel genuine...Passion? Determination? Defiance?

Perhaps it is borne of the realization that if I were to just cower back into the closet, hide myself from the world, and simply give up like everyone else, that I would be betraying myself, my words, and everything I believed in and worked towards up to this point.

The rest of the world may have given up, but that doesn't mean we have to. And while the fear, the darkness, and the uncertainty ahead is daunting...I'm not running away. I will continue to press on, get out of bed, dust myself off, and continue to be who I've always been for 30+ years, in the good times and bad.

I will not run from the truth, I will not hide my eyes, I will not cover my ears. I will continue to move forward into the future undaunted...