Well i debated whether or not to post this but after today i choose to just go for it.

This will be in three parts first about the current health issues i mentioned before, after that stuff with my mom and finally other stresses.


Ok, Well i finally saw all the doctors i needed to see and well the last one said surgery is recommended but not required though that brings me to my first frustration\issue. Some of you know and some do not but i am going to make this as simple as i can. Since i was about 4 years old after i had strep i had gotten a sensitive gag reflex, whether it is mental or physical is still unknown to me, not one Dr in my life ever has checked to see til hopefully soon, but more on that later. Anyway to combat this gag reflex i developed a sort of mental crutch where if i eat something small like a pretzel stick or cracker etc it stops the reflex, now if i were to just not do that and i am not deeply focused on something such as a game or talking to someone etc i will start to gag, and that will raise my anxiety and typical results me in throwing up even if i not eaten anything. So this is the roadblock i have, as many know to get sedated you cannot eat like 12 hours before surgery, but in my case its extremely difficult to not wan to stop that gag reflex and the Dr said until\unless i can either not eat 12 hours before or get it resolved by someone who can see if its physical or mental etc i cannot get the surgery due to the risk of aspiration. So that is my current situation and as embarrassing and even a bit humiliating for me its why dentist are extremely hard to go to as well.


Now as for the stress with my mom, its tough cause i know Alzheimer's does effect many things, but it does not help my mom has always been very stubborn, I mean today she brought up a bank she no longer has an account with due to many reasons and she insisted that the bank no longer exists, but when i show her using google maps or even the site of the bank she refuses to admit she was wrong, so that along with the stuff she has forgotten and other stubborn things she insists it is a lot to deal with sometimes, i mean most of my life i never was one to repeat myself unless it was required, but now i need to do that several times a day and so to some it comes off as annoyance and such but its not you know. its hard to adjust i guess sometimes. It also doesn't help that she will go places with out telling me and i have to tell my sister who is in charge of her medical and finance stuff when my sister has a ton on her plate as well.


Finally the other stuff is probably knit-picking but it can add up. one thing is that i am in charge or buying weekly food for my mom and myself, i plan out each week and the frustrating part is my mom wanting things she should not have or we do not need such as cat treats, cause she gives them to our cats way too often, and then she wants ice cream but specifically Ben & Jerry's or Haagan Daz, not a store brand or cheaper brand. and since is coming out of my pocket and not hers now its tough cause i try to do what i can to say no or even lie saying they did not have the flavor she asked for but she would then go to the corner store or even to another super market o get it herself, even though my sister now gives her at most $100 every few weeks cause my mom cannot handle money anymore. Also my sister doesn't help sometimes because she had put a tracker in my mom's purse without her knowing and it not the most reliable tracker and i will get random texts and calls from her asking if my mom is home etc as well as things i have no knowledge of like asking me if my mom did something in times i am not awake like showering and taking medications at certain times like early morning when i am never awake.
Also it's a bit tough having some people wanting me to buy a new game to join them when they know money is very tight for me and as much as i want to its not always an option. I have had to cancel a lot subscriptions i would use for fun just to make sure i am not spending too much each month, its why most if not all plans i had to commission images and stories have for now been paused. Things won't really change till maybe next year when i move in with my father where things will return to a more normal situation for me, but that in itself will bring other challenges like getting a new doctor and moving other stuff for a new address one state away.


Anyway enough of my ranting and such, thanks to all who choose to read and any who reply, i just need to get it all off my chest and this to me feels better than other places i visit.