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Boundaries / i am very angry
a year ago
General
UPD: i need to make it clear, this journal isn't about just one person, those things happened on multiple different occasions with different people.
Hello.
This post is unusual for me, and i don't want it's rude and angry tone to be something that defines my entire personality in your eyes, because i respect and treasure you, and i try my best to stay positive and make people around me happy. Please, let this moment be just a mere moment of my character's weakness and not it's whole picture.
First of all, i want to make it clear: i have no problem making friends with people who commission me, more so - many people with whom at first i had strictly professional relationships i now consider my dear friends.
I have no problem if someone wants to be my friend, this is not something that bothers me, even more: i am not just opened to it, i do encourage people reaching out to me outside commissions! I am not an unapproachable person, on the contrary - i really do enjoy other people's company, when i'm not being toyed with or made fun of.
Less than anything i want this journal to discourage people from trying to make friends with me: this is why it took me so long to write.
Nevertheless, last couple months i had an experience that made me realize i should make some of my boundaries clear, because it's obvious that if i don't some people will not respect them.
Here goes a list of things i need to make clear:
1) Do NOT call me while drunk, intoxicated or anything like that. I have no business having an opinion on how other people spent their free time, nor i judge anyone, but i find it EXTREMELY inappropriate when it comes to client-artist relationships.
2) Do not call me without a warning! Like, NEVER, PLEASE. Saying "i'm gonna call you" and calling me the second after you said that isn't a warning!
3) Please, respect when i say i can't talk! Do not call me after i said i don't wanna call!
4) Do not say weird things to me when i'm working on a commission! Or ever, unless we know each other for a while, or i specifically consented to it (me, anxiously saying "well, i don't know" because you put me in a voice call without a warning ISN'T A CONSENT). This is something that happened to me on multiple occasions throughout the years of me working as a freelance artist, and i DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY it keeps happening. I feel like being inappropriate with an artist YOU DON'T KNOW outside his work for you is a pretty OBVIOUS rule, but i guess it's not.
5) Do not make a decision for myself when it comes to my prices. If you don't have enough money for a thing - please just tell you don't we'll figure it out. Do not say "well, you're going to draw it for X amount of price now" and ESPECIALLY, do not GO AROUND and tell people that this made up price is what my actual prices are.
6) Don't act weird about me being a foreigner?????????? Don't ask me to teach you russian swear words?????? Don't make fun of my accent??? On the contrary don't start a professional conversation with "Oh you have such a sexy accent"?????? Don't be weird???? Fucking pretty please????????? Do not say "oh i love russian boys y'all so sexy"??????????? WHEN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT KINDA CHARACTER YOU WANT ME TO DRAW FOR YOU???? FUCK???????????????????????????? I don't care for your stupid fetish, to each their own, but it makes me highly uncomfortable, when it's something i haven't consented to be subjected to???????????????????????????
7) Related to the previous point: i need to clarify, that although i make a lot of grammatical mistakes when writing, and i don't have a strongest grip of which word stands where in a sentence my ability to understand written and spoken speech is almost on the level of a native speaker, because those are fucking SEPARATE SKILLS. I don't speak that well not because i'm fucking stupid, but because i'm an antisocial anxious loser, which lead me to not having enough practice when it comes to actively speaking the language rather than passively consuming it. I talk like that not because i am lesser than you thus deserving to be made fun of, but because i don't have people in my life to teach me talk better, and because i don't often get a chance to talk, using my voice. But besides that one of it's main reasons is my SEVERE, and i mean it, anxiety. Because of it, every tiny inch of the progress i might've made is erased as soon as i get startled or talk with people i don't know. But it only applies to my speech, as i said before, unless your mic quality isn't the best, or i'm having some internet issues 99% of the time i understand your every word thus, please, don't talk to me, like i'm a baby =]
I appreciate people being patient with me, but i would like it to be because they undestand i'm a little bit scare and very anxious, not because they think i'm slow and stupid.
8) Don't spam my messages just because i haven't replied to yours for an hour. I have a family and a personal life, also a different time zone. Don't message me ten "Heyy" "are u here" ":0 where are u" messages in a row just because i FELL ASLEEP.
9) DON'T TELL ME TO "SHUT THE FUCK UP" WHEN I DONE NOTHING WRONG TO YOU??????? It's something that shouldn't be a thing at all, especially when i'm just an artist you commissioned to draw your character??????????????
10) If you got me in a voice chat, DO NOT START EXPLICETLY MOANING ALL OF THE SUDDEN?????????? Wtf??????????? Why???????????????????????
That's about it, i think.
I can be your friend, and i love it when people want to talk to me! It makes me feel like i'm important enough for people to care about me! And i really like my followers and stuff, it's amazing so many people find my art cool and i'm so thankful to every person who said kind words to me through all of these years!
But, please, be kind and respect my boundaries. I'm already a pretty shut-in guy, this kinda of violations do not make me any more motivated to open up, they only make me doubt my own self-worth even more. More so, this kinda behavior won't make me want to be your friend! Just because i'm shy an anxious doesn't mean i'm not able to realise when i'm being mistreated!
Thank you for your attention.
Hello.
This post is unusual for me, and i don't want it's rude and angry tone to be something that defines my entire personality in your eyes, because i respect and treasure you, and i try my best to stay positive and make people around me happy. Please, let this moment be just a mere moment of my character's weakness and not it's whole picture.
First of all, i want to make it clear: i have no problem making friends with people who commission me, more so - many people with whom at first i had strictly professional relationships i now consider my dear friends.
I have no problem if someone wants to be my friend, this is not something that bothers me, even more: i am not just opened to it, i do encourage people reaching out to me outside commissions! I am not an unapproachable person, on the contrary - i really do enjoy other people's company, when i'm not being toyed with or made fun of.
Less than anything i want this journal to discourage people from trying to make friends with me: this is why it took me so long to write.
Nevertheless, last couple months i had an experience that made me realize i should make some of my boundaries clear, because it's obvious that if i don't some people will not respect them.
Here goes a list of things i need to make clear:
1) Do NOT call me while drunk, intoxicated or anything like that. I have no business having an opinion on how other people spent their free time, nor i judge anyone, but i find it EXTREMELY inappropriate when it comes to client-artist relationships.
2) Do not call me without a warning! Like, NEVER, PLEASE. Saying "i'm gonna call you" and calling me the second after you said that isn't a warning!
3) Please, respect when i say i can't talk! Do not call me after i said i don't wanna call!
4) Do not say weird things to me when i'm working on a commission! Or ever, unless we know each other for a while, or i specifically consented to it (me, anxiously saying "well, i don't know" because you put me in a voice call without a warning ISN'T A CONSENT). This is something that happened to me on multiple occasions throughout the years of me working as a freelance artist, and i DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY it keeps happening. I feel like being inappropriate with an artist YOU DON'T KNOW outside his work for you is a pretty OBVIOUS rule, but i guess it's not.
5) Do not make a decision for myself when it comes to my prices. If you don't have enough money for a thing - please just tell you don't we'll figure it out. Do not say "well, you're going to draw it for X amount of price now" and ESPECIALLY, do not GO AROUND and tell people that this made up price is what my actual prices are.
6) Don't act weird about me being a foreigner?????????? Don't ask me to teach you russian swear words?????? Don't make fun of my accent??? On the contrary don't start a professional conversation with "Oh you have such a sexy accent"?????? Don't be weird???? Fucking pretty please????????? Do not say "oh i love russian boys y'all so sexy"??????????? WHEN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT KINDA CHARACTER YOU WANT ME TO DRAW FOR YOU???? FUCK???????????????????????????? I don't care for your stupid fetish, to each their own, but it makes me highly uncomfortable, when it's something i haven't consented to be subjected to???????????????????????????
7) Related to the previous point: i need to clarify, that although i make a lot of grammatical mistakes when writing, and i don't have a strongest grip of which word stands where in a sentence my ability to understand written and spoken speech is almost on the level of a native speaker, because those are fucking SEPARATE SKILLS. I don't speak that well not because i'm fucking stupid, but because i'm an antisocial anxious loser, which lead me to not having enough practice when it comes to actively speaking the language rather than passively consuming it. I talk like that not because i am lesser than you thus deserving to be made fun of, but because i don't have people in my life to teach me talk better, and because i don't often get a chance to talk, using my voice. But besides that one of it's main reasons is my SEVERE, and i mean it, anxiety. Because of it, every tiny inch of the progress i might've made is erased as soon as i get startled or talk with people i don't know. But it only applies to my speech, as i said before, unless your mic quality isn't the best, or i'm having some internet issues 99% of the time i understand your every word thus, please, don't talk to me, like i'm a baby =]
I appreciate people being patient with me, but i would like it to be because they undestand i'm a little bit scare and very anxious, not because they think i'm slow and stupid.
8) Don't spam my messages just because i haven't replied to yours for an hour. I have a family and a personal life, also a different time zone. Don't message me ten "Heyy" "are u here" ":0 where are u" messages in a row just because i FELL ASLEEP.
9) DON'T TELL ME TO "SHUT THE FUCK UP" WHEN I DONE NOTHING WRONG TO YOU??????? It's something that shouldn't be a thing at all, especially when i'm just an artist you commissioned to draw your character??????????????
10) If you got me in a voice chat, DO NOT START EXPLICETLY MOANING ALL OF THE SUDDEN?????????? Wtf??????????? Why???????????????????????
That's about it, i think.
I can be your friend, and i love it when people want to talk to me! It makes me feel like i'm important enough for people to care about me! And i really like my followers and stuff, it's amazing so many people find my art cool and i'm so thankful to every person who said kind words to me through all of these years!
But, please, be kind and respect my boundaries. I'm already a pretty shut-in guy, this kinda of violations do not make me any more motivated to open up, they only make me doubt my own self-worth even more. More so, this kinda behavior won't make me want to be your friend! Just because i'm shy an anxious doesn't mean i'm not able to realise when i'm being mistreated!
Thank you for your attention.
Good for being direct about all this, though. Marking and respecting boundaries is important in any relationship, and that includes both client-creator business and friendships! Anyone who can't understand that isn't deserving of either.