As foreshadowed in https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10893849/ , yeah I am becoming incredibly exhausted with each coming day it seems. I feel like I'm able to do less and less, and less able to bounce back each time. And I doubt I'll be coming out as a furry any time soon.
And in https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10896137/ - yeah my allergies did indeed go sicko mode which adds to the exhaustion.

Also have been sick for basically the entirety of November with god knows what - it might be Covid but I hope it aint - severe rampant congestion to the point of breathing difficulty and overall quick exhaustion. I could really do without the brain damage if it is Covid :weary:

So exhausted that its taken me a month to even get to writing this journal.

There was and still is a promising thing I could go for - leaving Canada - in particular - I have a friend in the UK that has offered to take me in.
Except, there's an issue... Canada's passport system is so bad I can't even get the prerequisites for leaving this dang country. The main issue with getting a passport - I need a "guarantor" - someone with a Canadian passport that essentially is like a reference (I need 2 references but apparently they can be international? So I'll be going for that)... Like a reference, I need to know the "guarantor" for 2 years minimum. (I go into detail about "in lieu of guarantor in the paragraph after the next)

Now, the issue is, I barely know anyone, almost absolutely no one, being an introvert all my life has come to bite me in the fluffbutt lmfao.
Did I try with the people I know and are comfortable with? Yes, I tried...
Of the people who responded and were even helpful (two) - they didn't have a passport.
The one person (an online friend of mine who is Canadian) with a passport (supposedly?) who responded, just ended up ghosting me mid-way, cool.
I've contacted a bunch of teachers - one of them was one of the 2 who were helpful but no passport. All the others haven't responded to me, for over a month (and never have).
Any other teachers? Yeah but I can't find their contact details as they've either retired or moved. Couldn't I just find their Facebook? Yeah probably but that'd be not only creepy in a way - my mother likes to check my Facebook from time to time - and with Facebook's excessive tracking and sharing this isn't even a feasible idea anyways.

So, being at such a standstill, I've debated that I'll probably need to do the "in lieu of guarantor" thing, seems promising... Except I'm not sure how to sneak around with applying to it - and I *actually supposedly* need my birth certificate for the passport anyways - which my mother has secured so that I won't lose it. I need a very convincing and compelling argument to have it be regularly in my possession - which I am far from having any - and she's already suspicious of me - so it'd just be more fuel to that fire.
Can't really just sneak into her room to get it either - she trusts me enough to be in her room - but it's not really a good idea to go and just sneak 'n get my birth certificate - as that'd break trust once she finds out (not a matter of "if" - as she'll likely need it for something she suddenly applies me for) - and this whole passport thing could take **MONTHS**... And with that broken trust would come even MORE suspicion which I can NOT deal with.



So this is where another hypothetical solution comes in... Can I live with someone for like 5 to 6 months lol (at least until May, HOPEFULLY unless passport stuff takes longer ugh, most ideally should be like 3 to 4 months, until March or April, but it's most likely going to be until May because reality be like... :weary:) - someone in Canada because y'know, I can't leave this dang country.
How does this tie in with the above? Not entirely sure, I just kinda expect being able to break that trust or go for a random chance on asking for *both* my SIN and birth certificate before shortly leaving for another place. I might be able to argue "hey I'm 22 years old, and I've got secure pockets now, I'd like to hold onto these now in case I need them" - but it's really really debatable.

Am I making money? No, I'm making no money so this hypothetical situation would involve you financially supporting and housing me... I'll try to contribute as much as I can physically - but I am very exhausted so don't expect much for the few months - or throughout the entire stay...
My UK friend can help with some expenses like toiletries or small travel expenses.
Can I bathe my self, wash my own laundry, do my own hygiene? Yes of course with the provided resources, I'm not that debilitated fortunately!!! X3
I'll try to financially compensate once I start making money - cause trust me when I say it - I really don't like - in fact I vehemently hate the idea of being a dead weight. It irks me terribly to be that - to the point that this journal (and seeking and even accepting help as a whole) has been difficult for more reasons than just exhaustion... Also anxiety, I have a lot of social anxiety (physically, I have like none online lol) and dependence like that gives me a TON of anxiety.
But it's either that or going a uhhh, censored route because I'm not really sure what to do anymore and I can't handle being exhausted.

What would I ask of you? Internet and anything needed to run it, and the ability to not be verbally harassed or ordered to do stuff - especially not on a whim. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't care about sleeping on a cold hard floor, just as long as I can get away from here I could care less, back pain is better than exhaustion pain.
I'd also like access to food, water, power, and cleaning supplies (I have to wash myself and my laundry ;p). Heating + air conditioning would be an added plus but all I desire is the bare essentials.
I'd also like some privacy - a corner or room to retreat to if need be.

What will I bring? Well I intend to bring all of my devices - a laptop, a harddrive, and my phone - if somehow possible I would like to bring my cooling fan - would close out that need of air conditioning!
I'd like to bring some of my childhood stuff - a plastic chest shorter than but slightly wider than a briefcase, a small duffel bag of misc stuff, aaaand... That actually should be it in terms of childhood stuff I'd like to bring (I don't have much being kept because either its been thrown out, is something I don't really care about - and is either stored somewhere or is stored by my mother, or is something I could for the most part just relinquish if it meant leaving here and now).
I have razors for cutting my beard and antiperspirant - tho might need more of the antiperspirant later on lol. I do have shaving cream but I find I don't particularly need it for cutting my beard (just makes for a smoother shave it seems and my skin feels a bit weird without it iirc - no bleeding) so could be left too.

Of the bigger things - I'd like to bring my blanket (or 2) and a garbage bag of my clothing (being able to bring two bags would be amazing but I get if there's no storage for a 2nd one, especially during transit). This'd cut the need for heating I'd hope lol
I'd like to bring 2 coats of mine - a thin rain coat-ish and a winter coat.

What can I do? Probably not much in the beginning - I'll be emotionally and physically recovering - because even my body has had enough of this lol
Ideally I should be able to do my own laundry no matter how exhausted I am (and exhaustion should only be decreasing by that point), I may or may not clean my own dishes or any dishes (I'm forgetful or I'm particularly exhausted in that instance, or maybe my hands hurt - I have a skin sensitivity around my lower arms and hands from years of excessive handwashing when I was younger), may or may not be able to do cleaning (exhausted so likely limited, if it's my own mess I'll clean it - just make sure to remind me if I've forgotten or if I didn't notice), and may or may not help with certain chores depending on how difficult they are (might randomly help you with things too so yay lmao).

I ideally should be able to aid in any shopping/grocery - I like to subsist on the cheapest things available - and don't like the idea of consuming anything expensive (won't be seeing me go to a restaurant and hella unlikely to go to a fast food joint unless I get gifted something to purchase stuff from one lol). I have years of experience of looking for the cheapest things, finding deals, unit pricing, and trying to buy in bulk as much as possible.

Any issues I have? I am diagnosed with autism, OCD, tic disorder (iirc), and social anxiety disorder.
I have some form of respiratory or nasal issue - where I seem to get excessively congested - so I'll likely be frequently clearing out my sinuses - could be from all the allergies and illnesses I keep getting here - hopefully because I wonder what it's like to breathe, to actually legitimately breathe.
I likely have some form of spinal issue - I have a weird gait and can have a lot of back pain at random points - can't bend/crouch down a lot or my back gets really sore. Sensitive to touch on my back too - my siblings have punched me on the back before and I just freeze up in pain.
A little more personal: I appear to have an infection on my left arm - some form of fungal or viral skin rash - infected an area where I had this permanent contact dermatitis - it cleared initially with antifungal cream but appears to have come back. Doesn't seem to spread as it hasn't spread to any other part of my body nor has it spread to anyone else.
I have some form of injury (with some infection) in my left toe - extremely sensitive to pain there - friends suggest it's some form of ingrown nail - I haven't gotten it looked at and have had it for years
I have had some issue with my left ear - susceptibility to ear infection for a while. I assume it was a perforated eardrum - one doc said it wasn't and I didn't check with another for a second opinion. Appears to have fully cleared up now - but...
You may see me clear out my ears with paper towel - I try to keep it to a private setting so I'll likely go in a room, to not gross anyone out!!! I do this to avoid any potential ear infections - I especially do this after showering. May do similar if I'm trying to bruteforce clear my sinuses

I don't think I'd need any form of accommodation for any of these issues as I currently don't have one and I've been, well, trudging on by with such conditions. Only accommodation I've ever had is just being able to somehow rest extra.

I am very social online, so I may or may not be noisy - if I'm bothersome just let me know! I'll try to quiet down, I sometimes have difficulty with volume control of my self.
I think I have some hearing problems - probably from one of my siblings screaming bloody murder in my ears - I also get tinnitus (I'm pretty sure). But neither tinnitus or loud noises hurt me - which that lack of hurting might be a problem within itself lol
At most, loud noises or bassy noises are uncomfortable - they make my ear drums intensely vibrate which feels really weird.

Allergies - I'm allergic to dogs (ironic AF), cats, hamsters, and a certain list of trees/weeds - I forgot which but I did get an allergy chart thing - not sure where it is right now.
I'm pretty sure I'm only allergic to the skin of said animals - as a long-haired dog we have and prior long-haired cats barely gave me any allergies (or so I think, they weren't noticeable) - which I'm pretty sure is due to so much hair preventing dandruff - or excessive amounts lol - as shorthair have given me more problems.

I think that's about it, yeah. I would like to talk more in-depth with anyone who actually wants to take me in, check if you'd not only be comfortable with it - but also ensure you have the financial ability - I wouldn't want to bog you down or impede your dreams. I also want to ensure that I'm not left stranded if something about it irks you, because I'm really not sure what in the heck I'd do if you decide to just abandon me last minute or during the stay.
If it all goes smoothly, I'll very likely be going to 2024 Confuzzled :D would love to meet y'all there uwu

TL;DR: I'm exhausted AF and I'm having trouble escaping my country to go to the UK, so I'm looking for someone to live temporarily with until I can, so that I can at least somewhat recover instead of being constantly bogged down with stress and exhaustion due to current family.
I mention a lot of things to expect of me if you are willing to take me in. Might see me at Confuzzled (paid for by my UK friend thanks so muuuuch) if everything goes well (I'll try to be as visible as possible if you wanna meet! I won't bite~) :3
And if things go well, I'll be able to properly do furry stuff, and you can expect a LOT more coming from me uwu