death anxiety intense enough to physically shake this body soothed by the final vlog of podcaster matt christman and obsessive replaying of the same 3 songs (incl. ABBA'S The Winner Takes It All) culminating in a moment of experience and realization never before processed in this brain and unable to be articulated using the language of the self
making art and having people give me attention for the art and say nice things about the art
playing team fortress 2 with furry strangers
sharing a virtual space with friends in modded minecraft (i do not like the videogame Minecraft at all but it's a place to share)
preforming squats and other such motions
the first 1 and a half seasons of "my little pony"
finding a really huge teddy bear at a thrift store
my grandma
the landscapes of central washington
really really really good tacos in ellensburg
getting really into planning a fallout game set in the inland northwest for a few weeks
burger i ate
my other grandma's cats
pink floyd's "the wall"
weird ass week where i was playing cod zombies and listening to system of a down because i became possessed by my 12 year old self i guess
wahching socpens on twitch
the music of SoGreatAndPowerful
seeing friends of mine who didn't previously know eachother become familiar as a result of me putting them in the same discord server
becoming close to my two dearest friends in the world
my friend caralees art and music
my friend beas art and music
my f (et cetera et cetera)
artfight!
space station 14 and the community surrounding the particular server
listening to episode 56 of the podcast Where Do We Begin? while hopping down the road in the middle of a manic episode
like a lot of space station 14
getting really convinced i had diabeties and then going to the doctor and being told i did not have diabetes (x2)
daisies (1966) viewed with a friend
popee the preformer viewed with the same friend
google streetview with friends
assorted voice and video calls with friends
big spider on my windowsill
smaller spiders on my cieling
like too much space station 14 way too much
the feeling of emerging from the longest hyperfixation of my life (Months)
going to the densist (they told me good job)
"i'm thinking of ending things" followed by "The Rodfellows Movie" on a laptop in a chilly candlelit bedroom during a power outage (i watched videodrome inbetween them but that film didn't really do anything for me)
"anthology of the killer"
realising it wasn't the fear of death making my chest shake all those months ago, i was just cold.
these old songs i've loved too long
really cozy hoodie
laughing
dreaming
washing dishes
talking to friends
talking about art
talking to friends about art
other things i forgot
aand you.