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How are you all! I'm doing... Well
a year ago
General
Its been a tough 2024 I think, It's been a tough 2024 for a lot of people.
But how is it hanging for my journal crowd?
I'm 31 and Lately ive been sick with a lot of chest and arm pain. It comes on and off but i'm living! Though it feels like as you get older, the years really do fly by and yet humanity is always moving at light speed...
Ive decided I want to decorate for Christmas which probably isn't exciting for most but is something I haven't wanted to do for a few years outside of throwing some string lights and a smol tree up. Ive been keeping up with my commissions, ive got three ready to upload but im giving them a final check, then ill be able to work on the portraits and eventually open for a few Christmas themed commissions I hope.
Normally my work ethic wouldn't feel like a goal or anything special but lately ive been playing copious amounts of Stalker 2, Which has Almost been the game ive been waiting what feels like a decade for. I've also been binging Path of Exile to prepare for Path of Exile 2, Which I am heavily excited for. Lots of things have sucked this year but I gotta say the gaming has been strong.
I guess finally ive felt somewhat disappointed in my own work, I feel like im just trying to avoid stuff like making a Patreon or trying to stream my painting process. Hell it feels like ive even been avoiding making personal artwork for myself. Sometimes ill open up for commissions just to have an excuse to paint. My mental state feels strange, I wouldn't say its terrible.. but maybe something feels wrong with it. Maybe this next year I will try to re-engage back make my own kind of community, I havent given it a shot in a long time but I feel like ive learned more. Ive got a lot of cool folks following me and it would be nice to get to know them some more.
But yeah, Feel free to tell me in the comments how you all are doing. As ive looked back in life, I sort of always saw myself as something like a monster but when I really meditate on it.. I am merely a loner. I wonder if that is ok?
But I hope you all have a good Christmas/Various Holiday and a good December! To anyone who bothered to read this journal, you have my thanks.
But how is it hanging for my journal crowd?
I'm 31 and Lately ive been sick with a lot of chest and arm pain. It comes on and off but i'm living! Though it feels like as you get older, the years really do fly by and yet humanity is always moving at light speed...
Ive decided I want to decorate for Christmas which probably isn't exciting for most but is something I haven't wanted to do for a few years outside of throwing some string lights and a smol tree up. Ive been keeping up with my commissions, ive got three ready to upload but im giving them a final check, then ill be able to work on the portraits and eventually open for a few Christmas themed commissions I hope.
Normally my work ethic wouldn't feel like a goal or anything special but lately ive been playing copious amounts of Stalker 2, Which has Almost been the game ive been waiting what feels like a decade for. I've also been binging Path of Exile to prepare for Path of Exile 2, Which I am heavily excited for. Lots of things have sucked this year but I gotta say the gaming has been strong.
I guess finally ive felt somewhat disappointed in my own work, I feel like im just trying to avoid stuff like making a Patreon or trying to stream my painting process. Hell it feels like ive even been avoiding making personal artwork for myself. Sometimes ill open up for commissions just to have an excuse to paint. My mental state feels strange, I wouldn't say its terrible.. but maybe something feels wrong with it. Maybe this next year I will try to re-engage back make my own kind of community, I havent given it a shot in a long time but I feel like ive learned more. Ive got a lot of cool folks following me and it would be nice to get to know them some more.
But yeah, Feel free to tell me in the comments how you all are doing. As ive looked back in life, I sort of always saw myself as something like a monster but when I really meditate on it.. I am merely a loner. I wonder if that is ok?
But I hope you all have a good Christmas/Various Holiday and a good December! To anyone who bothered to read this journal, you have my thanks.
Sorry about the aches and pains of getting older. I kinda feel that too; I turn 31 this month, too. Time flies, yo.
I moved to the US back in 2022 and it's been a whack two years. Between the culture differences and the friends, I feel alienated yet also proactively welcomed; I guess, more to the point, I feel more aware of the distance that exists between me and everyone else. It's been a pretty interesting journey, though - recognizing that distance has me more empathetic and grateful for the people who are in my life.
I'unno. Odd feelings of trying to be a better friend to others.
Weird melancholy aside, I'm vibin' in this new life. I got a greater sense of self and I'm doing more interesting things with my artwork. It's a cold time of year but people are pretty warm.
With that in mind, really hoping you find a community of your own to feel more part of. And hey, as always, love your stuff.
Man I have never been so stressed I think, so feels pretty good to get rid of most of it~
I just wanna buy lots of art again and be happy :p
I know a bit of what's been going on already, but I say with all sincerity that I hope you are able to feel better. I know the advice isn't much, but try to rest where you can, find things that you like to do, and keep yourself healthy. Pretty generic advice, but it does help. If you can find a place to do some like swimming or the latter, it should also help.
As far as general stuff on my end. Pfft...talked enough that I can't really say much you don't know already. Life wise is....fine. Been a tad tight money wise here and there, but nothing dangerous or anything. Life has just been pretty much whatever. Aside from a few bad things I deal with, it's overall been good. Hermit Life. I guess I could try to socialize more irl, but I always hated doing things with others.
Aa far as online, been more and more distanced with my comms. I haven't personally liked a lot of what I have gotten commission wise all year so I 100% am planning to shift gears and go back to who I used to commission regularly. Cozy and sweet stuff was never my jam, so all of it this past year, while nice, just left me feeling estranged to my own commissions.
Writing wise, I have had a tough go of it. It's been getting harder and harder to do as I just can't find the drive to write like I used to. A big part of that comes from a similar place where I just hate the end product so often. I don't see any positives in my writing anymore, and I struggle to understand what about it is good. I have had other say it is, but without any direct reason being given...I just don't know. That is definitely the worst of it all.
That's pretty much it. Life has been tougher, but I will continue to enjoy the life I have as a hermit of sorts.
And I just want to heavily dial back all the nice and sweet stuff I have been getting this year. Once this year ends anyway. Wish it could be more personal, but with how much I already distance myself from social interaction as a whole, it's tough to really speak on much.
I have to find my passion for writing again, find what makes my writing unique and special, and find a way for me to come back to that. I do kiss my short stories a lot, but without any personal love for my own words...who will actually enjoy whatever I put out? To be honest, I wonder if anyone actually likes it all...
Anyway, we are both loners in a sense, haha. Though for me it's entirely voluntary.
I'm super excited for Path of Exile 2 as well! I'm practically horny for the passive tree. Goona lose days in it, lol (and I mean just in the passive tree screen XD
And you should definitely acrue a community! Draw things you love, you'll accumulate lots of interaction with people who love the same~
Your 'monster' comment resonates with me. I used to feel the same way. But yeah! Being introverted is fine! It just means you need time to recharge in between interacting with people, sometimes even your friends. But that's okay! There are lots of people like us out there.
Hope the end of your year goes awesomely!
Few years back I had a similar arm/chest pain situation and while it caused some concern (also in my 30s) it turns out that in my case the chest and arm pain came from GI and sleep issues. I'd get a checkup if possible just to be sure.
Smol trees are cute! holiday decorations can be a little bit of a chore to put up but imo it helps with the mood and put one in the mindset for some holiday themed stuff. looking forward to those Christmas themed pics!
How are you finding stalker 2 btw?
As for the community thing, would be cool to see ya re-engage as you said; i can only speak from what ive seen following your posts but you seem p chill and it would be really nice for us that follow ya to talk to you a little more c:
Hope you also have a nice month/rest of the year as well!