gritting my teeth digging my nails into my palms posting this bc asking for (and receiving) so much help this year has me in a pit of guilt, but i can't avoid asking for help with this right now. as much as i would love to.

i went to the ER a couple nights ago with a heart rate of 165 because i couldnt stop working myself into a panic about having a heart attack like my dad. they gave me some anti-anxiety meds as a temporary solution, but i'm trying to portion them out bc they only gave me 15 and they make me extremely sleepy

despite knowing my heart is healthy i keep working myself up into panics about it and ive come to realize my constant nightmares are probably a result of years and years of pent-up mismanaged anxiety and weed overuse that are all coming to a head from just how bad this year's been on me.

my queue is currently behind due to scrambling to get to the funeral and being emotionally+physically worn out from that, as well as catching a moderate case of covid 2 weeks later that i'm still recovering from.

there's a clinic 3 miles away that i can comfortably walk through (there's a route through the park, so i can take my time, not get overwhelmed, and take breaks) and i have walgreens close to my house - it's just a matter of having the clinic costs and med costs upfront

its very much not necessary but heres the link if you feel like chipping in https://ko-fi.com/odvunir/goal?g=0