there's a lot of stuff i'm dwelling on lately too, in addition to that of the previous journal, regarding fursonas and changing mood and all that. inside a lot of the stuff i feel has an inherent intensity to it that i enjoy letting come out so sometimes even when its just some simple thing i have going in i love getting in depth with it with others. so i have at the same time an intense protective love for my fursona that i'm worried she's gonna get taken from me somehow and i don't want to elaborate or give ideas on that....but like, i wanna let others wear her and pretend to be her so i can see her from the outside too. amd i've got this dumb horny dog with his stupid blonde mullet that i want to play and if asked this or that or called by my name i just go "huh? who?" because like, that's part of the dang character you know? its stressful to try and be the idealized version of yourself all the time and i just can't live up to it 24/7 i'm a fucking burnout dweeb doing her best. maybe someday but not this day. and i don't want to fuckin hate myself because i wasn't enough. i nearly ended up a statistic many times over that kind of pressure and this cat would never put me through that shit. i need practice and i need time to zonk out and be a horny loser to recharge.
so like, that in the previous journal i talked about how i'm feeling in pop-furry and how i haven't had much luck with finding folks who are openly and unashamedly yiffy as before, and like YES FURRY IS FOR SEX. its also for other many things, but that "its just a hobby" shit is what you tell your conservative parents when they find your cartoon fox shirt so they don't bring out the whipping belt and start calling you a cigarette. all the good conventions start as horny midwest furries book a room together away from the normies they know to dress up and have sex. and you know, i wish people would stop acting like that powerful act of gay liberation and love is somehow "not clean enough" to proudly be part of our community's story. Furry is
queer. queer is LGBTQ+, but the Q stands for questioning because queer is strengthened by the word's homonym. we know we're weird and not a boring normal person, and we're proud of it instead of saying "i'm xyz and can be normal too" which is honestly pretty sickening that folks take it to mean the same thing.
just ugh jfc its like hearing echos of the cringe loser i was before i grew a spine, y'know? and i'm sick of that so instead i'd much rather be whatever the animal i wanna be is and not like, have the ones i'm not be this free-fur-all to swipe them as if i put them by the side of the road and posted on craigslist "box of kittens free to a good home" or something. because i didn't do that. and please don't take her when i start doing youtube in earnest jfc i need things to slow waaaaay down