Hey guys, I know I've been really slow lately, and I want to apologize again. I haven't forgotten anyone, I promise. I have a list of everyone who has commissioned me, and who I'm working on, what progress has been made. I know some of you have been waiting quite a while, and I feel really bad, I really am very sorry. I intend to finish every piece, they're on my mind all the time, I'm just slow at the moment. I know I've said this in previous journals and I feel kind of repetitive, but it is on-going that I've been having a hard time lately.

I started therapy some time last year, and also went on medication for my anxiety last year. I decided to do the therapy and go on the medication because I was really struggling with my home life, and was hoping the anxiety meds would help me to get a job so I could move out. I'm Autistic, I was diagnosed with Asperger's Sydrome when I was in my teens, so I've always been a bit awkward socially and have dealt with a lot of bullying as a result. My social anxiety is pretty bad, I'm borderline agorophobic -- it's difficult for me to even go to the grocery store, some days. But anyway, I was hoping the therapy and meds would help me to cope with the struggles of my home life and also reduce my anxiety so I could get a job and save for my own place.

I currently live with my family, and before therapy/meds, was dissociating frequently due to not being able to handle the mental illnesses in my home. I unfortunately live in a rather toxic household. Without going too deep into it, there has been domestic violence on multiple occassions. It has calmed down over the years, but I have PTSD from some of the things that happened. And even when things are okay with one member of the family, they're not okay with the other, and it's just a very stressful and triggering place to live.

So I have anxiety inside and outside of my home, and I was hoping the therapy and medication would not only help me to cope with my current situation, but also help me to get a job so I could save and move out. The medication has helped with some of my anxiety, but I do still have a significant amount of anxiety (still am too anxious to get a job), and one of the side-effects of the medication is constant drowsiness. I've been having a really hard time finding the energy and motivation to work on commissions, or do much of anything to be honest. Lately I've been having to rely on donations just to pay my bills (I have a very small family, just the immediate family, because we left a religion the extended family is still in. We were disfellowshipped, and considered apostates, and they're not supposed to interact with us, and haven't since I was young. But, point is, I can't rely on family to help me pay my bills -- my immediate family is struggling financially, themselves, and I don't have anybody else). I'm really very lucky, and grateful for those who have donated to me, it's helped me so much these past few months. Seriously, thank you. <3

Anyway -- I don't think my current medication is doing for me what I need it to do. While it does help a little with the anxiety, I do still have anxiety, and the side-effects are awful. I brought it up to my psychiatrist, and we are currently working on lowering my dose so that I can go on something else, something with less side-effects. Either that, or I'll just go hollistic -- I'm not sure yet. But at the moment, I am working on going off the current meds I'm on. Just being on the lower dose, I already have more energy, it's probably why I'm even able to write this very long journal lol

But I wanted to update, give those of you who are waiting for me to complete their commissions a bit more information. I promise I'm not just being negligent, or trying to cheat anyone. I'm very grateful for those that have commissioned me, and happy that others are interested enough in my work to commission me at all. I promise that I have every intention of completing the commissions, I'm just currently struggling to do so in a timely fashion. If you can continue to be patient with me, I would be so grateful. I promise promise promise I won't forget your commission. <3

I'll close this out with saying that I'm working on making things work. I haven't given up, and I don't plan on giving up. If you can hang in there while I'm working things out, I truly would be very appreciative <3 And thank you to those who HAVE been so patient and understanding during this time, it means the world to me.

(If you are able to and want to Donate, you can do so here ---> https://gofund.me/f36db7a3 Thank you so much for your consideration)